My wife wants a divorce. (woman, church, believing, scripture)
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Married 5 years. For the last three years I have struggled to keep a steady job. I continue to earn good money but unfortunately my job is seasonal. Last November my wife and I where talking about how unhappy we were. Our needs are not being met. I wanted to get counseling. She wanted a divorce. She felt I was not holding up my end of the marriage financially and felt stressed and overwhelmed. We started going to counseling. At first we attended sessions with our church and then with a therapist. We had small breaks of success throughout the year. I thought we where making progress. I was wrong. In April, I had a serious injury that enabled me to walk for two months. My doctor says this injury might take 6 months to a year to return to full strength. Two weeks after the injury my wife came to me again and said she wanted a divorce. I’ve been very prayerful and rely on faith to get me through this. My wife says she has been prayerful as well and says that her heart is leading her to this decision. I asked her to lead her heart. Don’t let her heart lead you. She says the reason she wants a divorce is that we have drifted further apart. She says she loves me as a friend but not as a husband. She has lost love in me. It has been two and a half months and she still wants a divorce. I let her know that marriage isn’t always perfect. You go through your storms. I tell her our breakthrough is coming. She says she just doesn’t love me as a husband. There are days I don’t want to be around my wife. Some days it can be difficult being around her pushing me to do things. But that doesn’t stop me from loving her and honoring her. We said we would love unconditionally through the hard storms and the beautiful days. I know my wife is going through something but she won’t open up. It troubles me that my wife doesn’t have the courage to weather this storm.
What do you do when your wife stops loving you? Should separate with the hope that we can restore our marriage?
You can't force someone to stay with you, scripture seems to indicate that you should let someone go if they no longer wish to be around. I do not think that means to not try to resolve things, but if your best efforts are not enough then grant her wish to leave.
Probably the best advice I can offer is a friendly ear to hear you with and a quiet prayer that God will heal your pain and give you whatever strength, wisdom and faith you will need to go through this "storm"..I pray that you will also soon heal completely from the injury..
If she really wants out, I guess you have no choice. One general thing for marriages is that there is always turbulence till about 7 years of marriage. It is not easy and tolerance should be both parties watchword. I would love you to take a moment to look inwards and ask yourself some tough questions. Start with how the marriage was contracted. Was it the will of God for both of you? Was God consulted in prayer before committing to each other? How about the practicalities of living together? Are there problems of character, sexual orientation, etc? The introspection is for yourself alone, so you owe it a duty to yourself to do it conscientiously-avoid the normal tendency to find yourself guiltless. After this self assessment, perhaps you can talk to her to see where you can make amends, if applicable. The next stage is to talk to God. Carry out fasting and prayer 6am till 6pm for 3 days. Listen to your spirit, watch out for your dreams. Take action which could be
a) Work to get her back or b) accept her split.
Bible says that for a man, the only condition for divorce is unfaithfulness of the wife. For a woman, the Bible is silent. However, one can assume a similar condition for a woman. Where there is no unfaithfulness by either party, the party divorcing is Bibilically speaking committing adultery with her new partner.
It is a tough period, I pray that God will see you through.
I apologize if I made it sound if I where guilt free. I am guilty of many things in marriage. All these issues my wife and I have discussed and talked through. Non of these issues deserve divorce. If I am guilty of anything, its being honest. I have poored my heart out to my wife with the idea that this is what she wants. No barriers. I am a gentlemen at heart. I also am guilty of being forgetful and my wife hates that. I’m not guilty of birthdays or anniversaries. I forget to pick something up at the grocery store. I forget to bring my kids lunch box from school. I’ll forget one of her friend’s names. When I am home and not working, house chores are the norm. Clean dishes, cook, prepare lunches, drop my kids off, attend school outings. All with the thought of making my wifes life a little less hectic.
This marriage with contracted with God watching over us. We prayed on this. We did not live together. We did refrain for sexual intercourse.
I must be missing the mark. Everyone, Christians alike, feel I should not fight for my marriage. I keep hearing, “Let my wife go.” I apologize, but why get married if anyone can run at the first storm? Isn’t that how God tests us? Through our trials and tribulations? 5 years,…We are infants in marriage.
If you think God is testing you then by all means do everything you can to pass the test..However if your wife has her mind set on divorce and refuses any further discussion or counseling then I really don't see much you can do..Forcing someone to stay in a marriage they no longer desire to be in will not make for a very happy life for either you, her or the children..
If you want to fight for the marriage maybe a period of separation would help.. Many times this is what it takes for the dissatisfied one to realize they might be making a mistake..
I am sorry you are going through this. Since this is posted in the Christianity forum, let's see what God says.
Malachi 2:16 For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.
Some versions say- God hates divorce.
That would make me think twice before saying "I prayed and God wants me to divorce."
"But I have to follow my heart"
Jeremiah 17:9 The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?
"Ok, so what am I supposed to do?"
Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths
Ephesians 4:32
And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.
"But we aren't perfect".
1 Corinthians 7: 14-15
For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.
Still keep in mind....
Matthew 19:8-9 "He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery."
I must be missing the mark. Everyone, Christians alike, feel I should not fight for my marriage. I keep hearing, “Let my wife go.” I apologize, but why get married if anyone can run at the first storm? Isn’t that how God tests us? Through our trials and tribulations? 5 years,…We are infants in marriage.
I thought marriage deserved more from us.
I can be way off . . . and I usually don't butt in to these relationship issues . . . but five years is a short time to have lost the romance in your marriage. Not seeing you as a husband is the red flag. That usually means that one or both of you stopped being romantic and started "being yourself" around your mate. I call it the "take it for granted" now I can "fart in the kitchen" and "just be the real me" attitude toward your behaviors, responsibilities and the relationship itself. It is deadly to any relationship . . . but it seems to be the typical reaction after the marriage is official. That piece of paper has been the downfall of many a fine loving relationship. It is not supposed to be a license to accept you the way you are with all your faults. You probably hid them to make the relationship work. It is absurd to expect to not have to continue to do so because you have a paper. Just saying.
I can be way off . . . and I usually don't butt in to these relationship issues . . . but five years is a short time to have lost the romance in your marriage. Not seeing you as a husband is the red flag. That usually means that one or both of you stopped being romantic and started "being yourself" around your mate. I call it the "take it for granted" now I can "fart in the kitchen" and "just be the real me" attitude toward your behaviors, responsibilities and the relationship itself. It is deadly to any relationship . . . but it seems to be the typical reaction after the marriage is official. That piece of paper has been the downfall of many a fine loving relationship. It is not supposed to be a license to accept you the way you are with all your faults. You probably hid them to make the relationship work. It is absurd to expect to not have to continue to do so because you have a paper. Just saying.
I agree with this, but there seems to be more going on here. These are the quotes that stood out to me...
Quote:
Originally Posted by kbrook1967
Our needs are not being met...
I wanted to get counseling. She wanted a divorce...
Two weeks after the injury my wife came to me again and said she wanted a divorce...
My wife says she has been prayerful as well and says that her heart is leading her to this decision...
She says the reason she wants a divorce is that we have drifted further apart...
She says she loves me as a friend but not as a husband...
She has lost love in me...
It has been two and a half months and she still wants a divorce...
I know my wife is going through something but she won’t open up...
Take it from another man that's been in your shoes pal. That no good "" is cheating on you. My first wife did the same thing and she blamed it on everything (my job, the clothes that I wore, she even complained about the "same positions" in bed all of a sudden). Yup dude, she's somebody else's chick now. Face the facts, hire an attorney, and get custody of your kids if you have any. That's what I did. I have custody of my son and I don't want that "" paying me anything in child support (as if a gas station attendant job is gonna pay our son much anyways). Let that woman go man. She ain't worth it. I am now remarried to a nurse that earns more than me, is more attractive than the first wife, and helps me take care of my son. Trust me, it gets better after you dump the one that never loved you in the first place.
I only listen to K-Love Radio, and oftentimes they share callers stories. I keep hearing one woman say that she and her husband were separated for two years, and K-Love (because of the songs that "speak" to each and every listener), brought them back together. Of course, K-Love is more than music, log onto their site and ask for prayer. I am in a tribulation right now, and I have called them, the 700 Club, my local televised church, the church I am attending, all to pray for me and my family. I wish you the best, God Bless You.
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" is cheating on you. My first wife did the same thing and she blamed it on everything (my job, the clothes that I wore, she even complained about the "same positions" in bed all of a sudden). Yup dude, she's somebody else's chick now. Face the facts, hire an attorney, and get custody of your kids if you have any. That's what I did. I have custody of my son and I don't want that "
