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I grew up with autism, recently got an ADHD diagnosis that explains many things looking back. Throughout my formative years I struggled socially/academically and these things persisted into adulthood. I am nearly 23 and starting college over from scratch, and have never had a girlfriend and still am not in a great place financially/mentally for it anyway.
I wasn't really bullied, but the constant loneliness and embarassment for my cringiest moments still eats at me and can ruin my mood for the day. Plus the ADHD has made adulting hard: lost a couple jobs, mismanaging money, and even my hobbies are mucked up. I get frustrated and anxious due to constant procrastination. With family, my family has always been pretty dysfunctional. Suicidal sister with violent outbursts and has been hospitalized several times. Police were also here various times, once 4 times within 2 months. My dad was abusive at times, loving at others with apologies/love bombing thrown in. He died from COVID nearly 2 years ago, and not being on the best terms at the time it still gets to me, among other family BS. My mom is very stressed/burnout from it all.
Just to be clear: I am not a savant nor do I have autistic ''special abilities'' or whatever. ADHD doesn't make me quirky. These things along with my troubled home life have been purely obstacles, not advantages. There is no benefit to having gone through this stuff that would make it worth the opportunities in relationships, work and life in general that I have missed out on. And the effects on my mental health due to the lingering anger, regret, sadness and emptiness sometimes ruin my mood for the whole day, harder to visualize a better future.
The idea that all this, along with things like molested children, kids born with severe birth defects, people dying en masse in things like earthquakes, floods etc make it hard for me to swallow that God has a good reason for letting things like this slide. Was it's God's plan that a scumbag friend(from conservative Christian family) molested my sister and used me even before that? Why did I have to struggle so much for certain things while others hardly tried? I have friends and associates who are neurotypical and/or had a far better family situation than me and are good, productive people. So the idea that trauma makes you a better/stronger person is BS. Especially considering some traumatized folks never get over it, some turn to alcohol/drugs, and some commit suicide(no intentions of doing that, but you get my drift).
Sometimes I like historical Jesus, but among other things heard he didn't fulfill all necessary prophesises to be the Messiah, among other things.
Overall, I just don't know.If there is anything going on ''behind the scenes'', it is hard to wonder where I and those less more fortunate than average fit in. Especially without certainty that all this is true. And then the idea that to most Christians people who don't believe for these reasons will recieve further torment for ETERNITY seems to go beyond God being apathetic to just cruel(but according to some Hell isn't a biblical concept, and Jews don't believe in it).
You need some big medicine for all of that. It's a lot and I am sorry. There is a lot of information out there scientifically about how to have transcendent experiences. They shift your entire mindset instantaneously. Connection is the key to happiness IMO and it sounds like you are having trouble linking up.
To be more like Jesus is that you forgive people who wronged you and give it to God as Jesus said forgive so my Father God in heaven can forgive you of trespass...... like you don't even have to go to the people and tell them you forgive them but Just turn away from ought and give it to God to judge and then never talk of it ever again ...... Still, you can go to God and tell you forgive him
But your post is real quickly evokes among believers the old tried and true "You're just mad at God" response.
While most all skeptics who were formerly believers have experiences similar to yours in terms of God not being terribly responsive and being mostly random... I think it is important that non belief is based on a more rational basis.
Mainly, how outlandish the Judeo Christian story is. How strange and bizarre the precepts are. How limited the Bible stories are in terms of congruence with the secular historical record. Stuff like that.
Your comments about Jesus not being qualified to be the Messiah would fall under that category because Jesus certainly wasn't what the Jews expected as a Messiah... and the whole Messiah concept was their bronze age fantasy. Heck, they are still waiting for the Messiah.
So we have the Jews waiting thousands of years for their Messiah to show up. And we have Christians (who hijacked the Messiah idea from the Jews) waiting thousands of years for their Messiah to return.
I grew up with autism, recently got an ADHD diagnosis that explains many things looking back. Throughout my formative years I struggled socially/academically and these things persisted into adulthood. I am nearly 23 and starting college over from scratch, and have never had a girlfriend and still am not in a great place financially/mentally for it anyway.
I wasn't really bullied, but the constant loneliness and embarassment for my cringiest moments still eats at me and can ruin my mood for the day. Plus the ADHD has made adulting hard: lost a couple jobs, mismanaging money, and even my hobbies are mucked up. I get frustrated and anxious due to constant procrastination. With family, my family has always been pretty dysfunctional. Suicidal sister with violent outbursts and has been hospitalized several times. Police were also here various times, once 4 times within 2 months. My dad was abusive at times, loving at others with apologies/love bombing thrown in. He died from COVID nearly 2 years ago, and not being on the best terms at the time it still gets to me, among other family BS. My mom is very stressed/burnout from it all.
Just to be clear: I am not a savant nor do I have autistic ''special abilities'' or whatever. ADHD doesn't make me quirky. These things along with my troubled home life have been purely obstacles, not advantages. There is no benefit to having gone through this stuff that would make it worth the opportunities in relationships, work and life in general that I have missed out on. And the effects on my mental health due to the lingering anger, regret, sadness and emptiness sometimes ruin my mood for the whole day, harder to visualize a better future.
The idea that all this, along with things like molested children, kids born with severe birth defects, people dying en masse in things like earthquakes, floods etc make it hard for me to swallow that God has a good reason for letting things like this slide. Was it's God's plan that a scumbag friend(from conservative Christian family) molested my sister and used me even before that? Why did I have to struggle so much for certain things while others hardly tried? I have friends and associates who are neurotypical and/or had a far better family situation than me and are good, productive people. So the idea that trauma makes you a better/stronger person is BS. Especially considering some traumatized folks never get over it, some turn to alcohol/drugs, and some commit suicide(no intentions of doing that, but you get my drift).
Sometimes I like historical Jesus, but among other things heard he didn't fulfill all necessary prophesises to be the Messiah, among other things.
Overall, I just don't know.If there is anything going on ''behind the scenes'', it is hard to wonder where I and those less more fortunate than average fit in. Especially without certainty that all this is true. And then the idea that to most Christians people who don't believe for these reasons will recieve further torment for ETERNITY seems to go beyond God being apathetic to just cruel(but according to some Hell isn't a biblical concept, and Jews don't believe in it).
Thoughts?
So you were "dealt a bad hand." How do you explain those who were "dealt a good hand"? Why should they believe when they have it all together and have no need for anyone or anything "behind the scenes"?
Christ came to reconcile man to God. Do you need to be reconciled to God?
So you were "dealt a bad hand." How do you explain those who were "dealt a good hand"? Why should they believe when they have it all together and have no need for anyone or anything "behind the scenes"?
Christ came to reconcile man to God. Do you need to be reconciled to God?
According to some of the posters here, He is going to do a half arse job. LOL
I grew up with autism, recently got an ADHD diagnosis that explains many things looking back. Throughout my formative years I struggled socially/academically and these things persisted into adulthood. I am nearly 23 and starting college over from scratch, and have never had a girlfriend and still am not in a great place financially/mentally for it anyway.
I wasn't really bullied, but the constant loneliness and embarassment for my cringiest moments still eats at me and can ruin my mood for the day. Plus the ADHD has made adulting hard: lost a couple jobs, mismanaging money, and even my hobbies are mucked up. I get frustrated and anxious due to constant procrastination. With family, my family has always been pretty dysfunctional. Suicidal sister with violent outbursts and has been hospitalized several times. Police were also here various times, once 4 times within 2 months. My dad was abusive at times, loving at others with apologies/love bombing thrown in. He died from COVID nearly 2 years ago, and not being on the best terms at the time it still gets to me, among other family BS. My mom is very stressed/burnout from it all.
Just to be clear: I am not a savant nor do I have autistic ''special abilities'' or whatever. ADHD doesn't make me quirky. These things along with my troubled home life have been purely obstacles, not advantages. There is no benefit to having gone through this stuff that would make it worth the opportunities in relationships, work and life in general that I have missed out on. And the effects on my mental health due to the lingering anger, regret, sadness and emptiness sometimes ruin my mood for the whole day, harder to visualize a better future.
The idea that all this, along with things like molested children, kids born with severe birth defects, people dying en masse in things like earthquakes, floods etc make it hard for me to swallow that God has a good reason for letting things like this slide. Was it's God's plan that a scumbag friend(from conservative Christian family) molested my sister and used me even before that? Why did I have to struggle so much for certain things while others hardly tried? I have friends and associates who are neurotypical and/or had a far better family situation than me and are good, productive people. So the idea that trauma makes you a better/stronger person is BS. Especially considering some traumatized folks never get over it, some turn to alcohol/drugs, and some commit suicide(no intentions of doing that, but you get my drift).
Sometimes I like historical Jesus, but among other things heard he didn't fulfill all necessary prophesises to be the Messiah, among other things.
Overall, I just don't know.If there is anything going on ''behind the scenes'', it is hard to wonder where I and those less more fortunate than average fit in. Especially without certainty that all this is true. And then the idea that to most Christians people who don't believe for these reasons will recieve further torment for ETERNITY seems to go beyond God being apathetic to just cruel(but according to some Hell isn't a biblical concept, and Jews don't believe in it).
Thoughts?
Hi Vanguard, it sounds like you have had and still have some very unique challenges. I have two autistic nephews and they have come from dysfunctional families. I know that it is very hard for you but remember that God created you and that He does love you. He knows everything about you and what you and your family are going through. He is still right there for you in the midst of all of it. We cannot understand all of God's ways and why some things happen the way that they do. I will say for myself that I believe that trauma, suffering, can draw us closer to God as we learn to depend on Him fully for everything. Everyone is not going to react in the same way. Some things like this can push some people away from God and some things can draw a person to God. It depends on how we receive it. Will you seek Him in the midst of all of this and trust in Him to work all things out for you in His way and in His own time? Can you give it all to Him and ask Him to help you? You express yourself very well and I believe that God has great plans for you. You can connect with people in ways that many may not be able to. Just by sharing what you did on this post, encourages me in my relationship with my nephews who are autistic. You have given me more insight into how they may be feeling as they cannot or are not able to express this to family members. Just remember that God does love you, He has a plan for you. You are unique with special gifts, You matter. God bless you and thank you for sharing.
I grew up with autism, recently got an ADHD diagnosis that explains many things looking back. Throughout my formative years I struggled socially/academically and these things persisted into adulthood. I am nearly 23 and starting college over from scratch, and have never had a girlfriend and still am not in a great place financially/mentally for it anyway.
I wasn't really bullied, but the constant loneliness and embarassment for my cringiest moments still eats at me and can ruin my mood for the day. Plus the ADHD has made adulting hard: lost a couple jobs, mismanaging money, and even my hobbies are mucked up. I get frustrated and anxious due to constant procrastination. With family, my family has always been pretty dysfunctional. Suicidal sister with violent outbursts and has been hospitalized several times. Police were also here various times, once 4 times within 2 months. My dad was abusive at times, loving at others with apologies/love bombing thrown in. He died from COVID nearly 2 years ago, and not being on the best terms at the time it still gets to me, among other family BS. My mom is very stressed/burnout from it all.
Just to be clear: I am not a savant nor do I have autistic ''special abilities'' or whatever. ADHD doesn't make me quirky. These things along with my troubled home life have been purely obstacles, not advantages. There is no benefit to having gone through this stuff that would make it worth the opportunities in relationships, work and life in general that I have missed out on. And the effects on my mental health due to the lingering anger, regret, sadness and emptiness sometimes ruin my mood for the whole day, harder to visualize a better future.
The idea that all this, along with things like molested children, kids born with severe birth defects, people dying en masse in things like earthquakes, floods etc make it hard for me to swallow that God has a good reason for letting things like this slide. Was it's God's plan that a scumbag friend(from conservative Christian family) molested my sister and used me even before that? Why did I have to struggle so much for certain things while others hardly tried? I have friends and associates who are neurotypical and/or had a far better family situation than me and are good, productive people. So the idea that trauma makes you a better/stronger person is BS. Especially considering some traumatized folks never get over it, some turn to alcohol/drugs, and some commit suicide(no intentions of doing that, but you get my drift).
Sometimes I like historical Jesus, but among other things heard he didn't fulfill all necessary prophesises to be the Messiah, among other things.
Overall, I just don't know.If there is anything going on ''behind the scenes'', it is hard to wonder where I and those less more fortunate than average fit in. Especially without certainty that all this is true. And then the idea that to most Christians people who don't believe for these reasons will recieve further torment for ETERNITY seems to go beyond God being apathetic to just cruel(but according to some Hell isn't a biblical concept, and Jews don't believe in it).
Thoughts?
My thoughts are that life has never been expected to be "easy" for most of history. Even the idea of grocery stores didn't exist a couple hundred years ago. People have always lived hand-to-mouth. And suffering was expected. I really don't mean to downplay your struggles, but it is what it is. It doesn't mean that God exists, nor would it mean he doesn't.
Jesus is the Messiah. He really DID fulfill all the prophecies. He is God in human flesh, and he died for the sins of those that trust in him. If you trust in Jesus, you will be saved. That doesn't mean life will be perfect, but it does give us a future to look to.
I grew up with autism, recently got an ADHD diagnosis that explains many things looking back. Throughout my formative years I struggled socially/academically and these things persisted into adulthood. I am nearly 23 and starting college over from scratch, and have never had a girlfriend and still am not in a great place financially/mentally for it anyway.
I wasn't really bullied, but the constant loneliness and embarassment for my cringiest moments still eats at me and can ruin my mood for the day. Plus the ADHD has made adulting hard: lost a couple jobs, mismanaging money, and even my hobbies are mucked up. I get frustrated and anxious due to constant procrastination. With family, my family has always been pretty dysfunctional. Suicidal sister with violent outbursts and has been hospitalized several times. Police were also here various times, once 4 times within 2 months. My dad was abusive at times, loving at others with apologies/love bombing thrown in. He died from COVID nearly 2 years ago, and not being on the best terms at the time it still gets to me, among other family BS. My mom is very stressed/burnout from it all.
Just to be clear: I am not a savant nor do I have autistic ''special abilities'' or whatever. ADHD doesn't make me quirky. These things along with my troubled home life have been purely obstacles, not advantages. There is no benefit to having gone through this stuff that would make it worth the opportunities in relationships, work and life in general that I have missed out on. And the effects on my mental health due to the lingering anger, regret, sadness and emptiness sometimes ruin my mood for the whole day, harder to visualize a better future.
The idea that all this, along with things like molested children, kids born with severe birth defects, people dying en masse in things like earthquakes, floods etc make it hard for me to swallow that God has a good reason for letting things like this slide. Was it's God's plan that a scumbag friend(from conservative Christian family) molested my sister and used me even before that? Why did I have to struggle so much for certain things while others hardly tried? I have friends and associates who are neurotypical and/or had a far better family situation than me and are good, productive people. So the idea that trauma makes you a better/stronger person is BS. Especially considering some traumatized folks never get over it, some turn to alcohol/drugs, and some commit suicide(no intentions of doing that, but you get my drift).
Sometimes I like historical Jesus, but among other things heard he didn't fulfill all necessary prophesises to be the Messiah, among other things.
Overall, I just don't know.If there is anything going on ''behind the scenes'', it is hard to wonder where I and those less more fortunate than average fit in. Especially without certainty that all this is true. And then the idea that to most Christians people who don't believe for these reasons will recieve further torment for ETERNITY seems to go beyond God being apathetic to just cruel(but according to some Hell isn't a biblical concept, and Jews don't believe in it).
Thoughts?
Hi Van. I’m sorry for all you’ve been through.
My first thought after reading your post was this. Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you. The best way to do that is through persistent prayer and as much Bible study as you can find time for.
Start with one of the gospels. Read even a couple chapters each day, and ask God to guide you in understanding. Most will seem like Greek to you at first, but hang in there. Understanding will come to you in time.
Stay away from commentaries and internet articles. There are countless false teachers out there.
Lastly, find yourself a good church! Become part of the family of God. They will be a great help to you.
Overall, I just don't know.If there is anything going on ''behind the scenes'', it is hard to wonder where I and those less more fortunate than average fit in. Especially without certainty that all this is true. And then the idea that to most Christians people who don't believe for these reasons will recieve further torment for ETERNITY seems to go beyond God being apathetic to just cruel(but according to some Hell isn't a biblical concept, and Jews don't believe in it).
Thoughts?
I am step-Dad to a 30 year old man with autism and ADHD and OCD and Tourrette's, so I have some concept of what you are talking about. I am sorry you have so much to deal with.
Like you, both me and my stepson do not see gods generally or the Christian god in particular as having any explanatory power for why some people are so much less fortunate than others in terms of how much of a struggle their life is. As others in this thread have done, we can rationalize that life was never "supposed to be easy" or is in many ways easier even for guys such as yourself than it would have been 200 years ago or whatever. But in my view the only thing that really matters for your purposes is that you must make sense of your life being (1) more challenging than a sane person would want it to be and (2) more challenging than 99.9% of the other people you know.
My response is that it is probably just bad luck and not in any way personal, and despairing about things that aren't your fault or have nothing to do with you is a waste of precious time and energy.
My stepson has kept himself sane by finding a couple of passions: working out (1 to 2 hours every day including a weekly session with a personal trainer), cooking, and enjoying modern classical music. These give him things to look forward to and to excel at. For you, it would likely be something different.
I also am fortunate to make him a package deal with me in my work as a software solution architect; I've trained him in data analysis and I have a labor budget for him and he works as much of those hours as he can (due to limitations on his focus) and I pick up the slack. The work is tedious and uninteresting to him but he's very good at it. He's able to work 10 or 12 hours a week and we're fiddling with his meds to see if we can get that bumped up. I have a 25 hour a week budget for him that I hope he can grow into. If he can't, he can't; I don't judge it. I'm just trying to help him be as viable as possible. His mother and I are working beyond our desired retirement in an effort to have some bequest for him to live off of when we're eventually gone. Of course we are trying to help him live independently if possible in the meantime, but that may not be possible.
If you don't have supportive and engaged family to help, I would start by seeing if you qualify for better health care than you're getting so you can explore your options. Here in NY state my stepson qualifies for Medicaid and gets free health insurance based solely on his own modest income. He has no premiums or deductibles, only co-pays. It looks like he has survived the current round of Medicaid cuts.
The reason for my emphasis on healthcare is that it tends to open up opportunities to get help with meds, which is pretty critical for ADHD, which in turn is critical for holding down a job, etc.
On the other hand I have to prepare you for the fact that a lot of the funding and training for care providers in autism and ADHD is for school children. Finding qualified providers for autistic / ADHD adults is much harder (but not impossible, and the situation is gradually improving). You might have to go virtual, or geographically further, to find help.
What health insurance generally won't help with is life coaching services, which is a burgeoning industry for those on the spectrum or with ADHD. Here you can get training for specific practical needs and coping skills, but it's costly and probably out of most people's reach. We are offering it to my stepson but he has to want it and be ready for it, too. Since he's making slow progress on his own we are not pushing it on him. But I just wanted to mention that it's in the mix and even if you can only afford a few sessions, the right coaching could be a game changer for many. Maybe for you.
Anyway these are a few random thoughts, for what they are (or aren't) worth to you. Keep seeking support and resources and keep trying, though. You are worth it. Of that I am certain.
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