Do you ever feel cheated in the sense like you had a bad hand dealt to you? (depression, pain)
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Maybe I'm having a bit of a little pity party (hate those words but can't think of anything else right now) now, but the question comes to my mind. Why do some get to lived such charmed lives and others just seem to endure one bad thing after another?
Case in point - my brother and his wife met at 15 and married at 20. Their life is like a fairy tale. They have two daughters (both of whom turned out well) and several grandchildren. They both have good careers, they're rich, they've got their health, they go on trips, they're still in love.
Others are not so fortunate. They suffer more than the average person. They deal with circumstances beyond their control that cause a great deal of pain. They do not live happy lives. I could go on and on, but you get the idea.
One is born into privilege, the other into poverty. The American Dream is (or more like was) within reach of many who were born under unfortunate circumstances. Still, others are born with physical challenges that are not fair, mental challenges they did not ask for, or get one or both during their lives. If it doesn't happen to them, then it happens to their loved ones which just causes more pain.
Karma is an easy thing to chalk it up to. I guess that's what I do.
I think there's certainly an amount of "the luck of the draw" in everyone's life. Some have enormous opportunity, some very little. But I think a big part of it is the "approach" to the situation. A person who is raised with little opportunity might make opportunity where none or little existed. And then another person with great opportunity might squander it, and end up suffering.
Poor people can get rich, but also, poor people can enrich their lives in other ways out of necessity. Dolly Parton's a good example of a combination of both. She was born and raised in poverty. She had basically no opportunity to rise above her "station" at any time, in her upbringing. And yet - she got past that. She just kept pushing forward, accepting "what is" and striving for what gave her the greatest joy. Singing doesn't cost a thing, so she didn't have to worry about affording the things that she loved best. Her family, and her music, were what she loved best.
It's not that "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.." it's more, "when life gives you lemons, learn to LIKE lemons."
I think there's certainly an amount of "the luck of the draw" in everyone's life. Some have enormous opportunity, some very little. But I think a big part of it is the "approach" to the situation. A person who is raised with little opportunity might make opportunity where none or little existed. And then another person with great opportunity might squander it, and end up suffering.
Poor people can get rich, but also, poor people can enrich their lives in other ways out of necessity. Dolly Parton's a good example of a combination of both. She was born and raised in poverty. She had basically no opportunity to rise above her "station" at any time, in her upbringing. And yet - she got past that. She just kept pushing forward, accepting "what is" and striving for what gave her the greatest joy. Singing doesn't cost a thing, so she didn't have to worry about affording the things that she loved best. Her family, and her music, were what she loved best.
It's not that "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.." it's more, "when life gives you lemons, learn to LIKE lemons."
Dolly Parton had TALENT and LOOKS. I'm talking about your everyday average Joe.
To be honest, I just don't compare my life like that anymore. I'm actually grateful for the pains and challenges I've had to encounter because what I've found is that I've grown as a person, my perception and view of the world has expanded. "Tragedy" made way for expansion of perception and I was given an opportunity to further experience life, people, and the things in it. I value my scars because had they not been etched onto me by life and mistakes, I never would've have known the vast amount of tools, gifts and talents that existed within my soul.
I think there's certainly an amount of "the luck of the draw" in everyone's life. Some have enormous opportunity, some very little. But I think a big part of it is the "approach" to the situation. A person who is raised with little opportunity might make opportunity where none or little existed. And then another person with great opportunity might squander it, and end up suffering.
Poor people can get rich, but also, poor people can enrich their lives in other ways out of necessity. Dolly Parton's a good example of a combination of both. She was born and raised in poverty. She had basically no opportunity to rise above her "station" at any time, in her upbringing. And yet - she got past that. She just kept pushing forward, accepting "what is" and striving for what gave her the greatest joy. Singing doesn't cost a thing, so she didn't have to worry about affording the things that she loved best. Her family, and her music, were what she loved best.
It's not that "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.." it's more, "when life gives you lemons, learn to LIKE lemons."
Dolly Parton was born with musical talent.......If Dolly Parton was not born with musical talent, shed probably be living in a trailor after a long career of working in fast food.
To be honest, I just don't compare my life like that anymore. I'm actually grateful for the pains and challenges I've had to encounter because what I've found is that I've grown as a person, my perception and view of the world has expanded. "Tragedy" made way for expansion of perception and I was given an opportunity to further experience life, people, and the things in it. I value my scars because had they not been etched onto me by life and mistakes, I never would've have known the vast amount of tools, gifts and talents that existed within my soul.
If and when (infrequently) I compare my life, I do so with several factors in mind. Among these factors is that I was not at the head of the line when God passed out the mental health genes (or the right doses of neurotransmitters). I often look at my dogs and tell them they were born with the right stuff. Therefore, it would be impossible for me to have achieved what I could have were this not the case. So I weigh several factors when I look at anyone's life. Did they have family support? Was a healthy sense of self-esteem instilled in them? Did they receive proper guidance in life? These are some of the questions I consider among many others.
Having said this, and I am not meaning to imply I do not believe you as you write on, but part of my history includes stints in 12 step programs of one sort or the other. I used to marvel at people who said they were grateful to be an alcoholic. I used to ask myself "why would anyone be grateful to be that?" I do not want to steer this thread in that direction (as I know there are many on this board who would take it and run with it), but rich is better than poor, bottom line. Healthy is better than unhealthy. Having a loving and supportive life partner beats two dogs and a cat (well, I'd never give up my two dogs and cat but it's been shown that those who are happily married do better in life than their single counterparts).
I think a lot of the success that my brother and his wife have achieved is because they had each other.
Well I guess my grandfather would be a good example of an "every day average Joe" in his time. His parents immigrated to the USA from Germany in the early 1900's before WWI. When they got here, they had nothing, and only knew a couple of cousins who had come over before they did, but they had no idea how to get in touch with them. They showed up in New York and settled temporarily in a small neighborhood, where his uncle died in their basement 2-room apartment from raging pneumonia in the middle of winter, when they had no heat, and broken windows covered with rags to keep the wind out. My grandfather's parents eventually moved to Connecticut, where they raised 11 children and opened a modest bakery. They had the kids working in the bakery from the time they were old enough to knead dough, and most of them didn't get an education past the third grade.
The family worked 12-18 hours per day, including the kids, just to make ends meet. They were able to scrounge and save just enough to get my grandfather graduated from High School, and then I believe he earned a scholarship (based on need and academic grade) to college. My aunt, allergic to flour, had horrible skin and was so unattractive from constant exposure to the flour that broke her out in pustuling rashes, that she never found anyone who would want to spend their life with her, and she died a lonely old spinster.
They sacrificed everything they had, to put my grandfather through medical school, and he came out with a Doctorate in Dental Medicine, and opened a practice during the great depression. He often accepted chickens for pay, from people who were too poor to give money. He never turned down any child who needed dental care, and always accepted anything anyone was able to pay - even if that was nothing at all.
He married, and my grandmother, who never worked a day in her life, became the financial wiz of the family and turned my grandfather's meager savings into a healthy (but still relatively modest) estate. My mom grew up in a fairly strict, but progressive, household. My grandfather would give her a single swat on the butt on her way out the door every school day, "just in case" she misbehaved during school.
When my grandfather died, he willed half his estate to Tuft's, where he had graduated. The other half was split - half to his wife, and the rest split evenly amongst his children and grandchildren. By the time my grandmother joined him 15 years later, she had made a fortune in the stock market, lost most of it, and still came out over a million dollars ahead of the game, after all the creditors of the estate had been paid.
So there's an average ordinary Joe story for you. A family who started with -less- than nothing - who created something through adversity, never became famous, never made the headlines, never did anything outstanding or remarkable by today's standards. But who ended up with an enormous, mostly well-adjusted, mostly successful family who rarely wanted for anything.
I feel cheated that I have multiple illnesses that severely alter my life, I feel cheated that my parents came from broke families and only managed a middle class life, I feel cheated that I was never allowed to play sports, I feel cheated that Im severely underemployed, and have been for nearly a decade.
My wife always like to say "Somebody is worse off". That and her are pretty much the only thing that keeps me waking up every day.
Dolly Parton was born with musical talent.......If Dolly Parton was not born with musical talent, shed probably be living in a trailor after a long career of working in fast food.
Not to mention her size zero waist and tremendous bosom sort of trademarked her.
If and when (infrequently) I compare my life, I do so with several factors in mind. Among these factors is that I was not at the head of the line when God passed out the mental health genes (or the right doses of neurotransmitters). I often look at my dogs and tell them they were born with the right stuff. Therefore, it would be impossible for me to have achieved what I could have were this not the case. So I weigh several factors when I look at anyone's life. Did they have family support? Was a healthy sense of self-esteem instilled in them? Did they receive proper guidance in life? These are some of the questions I consider among many others.
Having said this, and I am not meaning to imply I do not believe you as you write on, but part of my history includes stints in 12 step programs of one sort or the other. I used to marvel at people who said they were grateful to be an alcoholic. I used to ask myself "why would anyone be grateful to be that?" I do not want to steer this thread in that direction (as I know there are many on this board who would take it and run with it), but rich is better than poor, bottom line. Healthy is better than unhealthy. Having a loving and supportive life partner beats two dogs and a cat (well, I'd never give up my two dogs and cat but it's been shown that those who are happily married do better in life than their single counterparts).
I think a lot of the success that my brother and his wife have achieved is because they had each other.
If you measure yourself that way, then yes. But to me, that's like saying black is better than white because being white or lighter skin, it can seem like a lot of people have this preference. That's what my peers communicated to me time and time again growing up. It's bull**** brainwashing. It doesn't have to be that way for you. I don't expect you to believe me. But if you measure that way then because of your life and the way you compared, you'll have the short end of the stick always. Oprah Winfrey despite all her challenges overcame and became a wealthy woman but Bill Gates is richer than her. If she compares herself to him financially, that does nothing but undermine her own accomplishments and that's the quickest way to sabotaging your own success.
Celebrate you is what I'm saying.
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