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luck is a vital part of success , thier are countless numbers of people who are equally talented as any number of CEO,s , movie stars , musicans , politicans , they just never got the lucky breaks , were not in the right place at the right time
thats why it pisses me off when i hear the cliche , your make your own luck , if you made your own luck , by definition , it would not be luck , merley good descision making , luck is unearned regardless of whether its the good or bad kind
Well I guess my grandfather would be a good example of an "every day average Joe" in his time. His parents immigrated to the USA from Germany in the early 1900's before WWI. When they got here, they had nothing, and only knew a couple of cousins who had come over before they did, but they had no idea how to get in touch with them. They showed up in New York and settled temporarily in a small neighborhood, where his uncle died in their basement 2-room apartment from raging pneumonia in the middle of winter, when they had no heat, and broken windows covered with rags to keep the wind out. My grandfather's parents eventually moved to Connecticut, where they raised 11 children and opened a modest bakery. They had the kids working in the bakery from the time they were old enough to knead dough, and most of them didn't get an education past the third grade.
The family worked 12-18 hours per day, including the kids, just to make ends meet. They were able to scrounge and save just enough to get my grandfather graduated from High School, and then I believe he earned a scholarship (based on need and academic grade) to college. My aunt, allergic to flour, had horrible skin and was so unattractive from constant exposure to the flour that broke her out in pustuling rashes, that she never found anyone who would want to spend their life with her, and she died a lonely old spinster.
They sacrificed everything they had, to put my grandfather through medical school, and he came out with a Doctorate in Dental Medicine, and opened a practice during the great depression. He often accepted chickens for pay, from people who were too poor to give money. He never turned down any child who needed dental care, and always accepted anything anyone was able to pay - even if that was nothing at all.
He married, and my grandmother, who never worked a day in her life, became the financial wiz of the family and turned my grandfather's meager savings into a healthy (but still relatively modest) estate. My mom grew up in a fairly strict, but progressive, household. My grandfather would give her a single swat on the butt on her way out the door every school day, "just in case" she misbehaved during school.
When my grandfather died, he willed half his estate to Tuft's, where he had graduated. The other half was split - half to his wife, and the rest split evenly amongst his children and grandchildren. By the time my grandmother joined him 15 years later, she had made a fortune in the stock market, lost most of it, and still came out over a million dollars ahead of the game, after all the creditors of the estate had been paid.
So there's an average ordinary Joe story for you. A family who started with -less- than nothing - who created something through adversity, never became famous, never made the headlines, never did anything outstanding or remarkable by today's standards. But who ended up with an enormous, mostly well-adjusted, mostly successful family who rarely wanted for anything.
Well, this is a good story, but I'd like to point out that was a different era.
I used to (past tense) have a friend who would be 76 now. Well, he is 76 now. Part of what led to our parting of the ways was his absolute refusal to admit the reality that he happened to be born at a very good time and that times have changed. He was able to get a job with the DOD with a high school diploma and work his way up to the level of drug and alcohol counselor where he enjoyed many interesting opportunities that most do not. With a high school diploma.
I would explain to him that if he were competing in this day and age he'd need a master's degree at least. He simply could not hear me. His arrogance irked me so but this was one of the least irksome things that ended our friendship.
My point is that (and that is why I used the word "was" in my OP), times have changed. I still believe in the "American Dream" to an extent, but nowhere near what was achievable even 30 years ago.
If you measure yourself that way, then yes. But to me, that's like saying black is better than white because being white or lighter skin, it can seem like a lot of people have this preference. That's what my peers communicated to me time and time again growing up. It's bull**** brainwashing. It doesn't have to be that way for you. I don't expect you to believe me. But if you measure that way then because of your life and the way you compared, you'll have the short end of the stick always. Oprah Winfrey despite all her challenges overcame and became a wealthy woman but Bill Gates is richer than her. If she compares herself to him financially, that does nothing but undermine her own accomplishments and that's the quickest way to sabotaging your own success.
Celebrate you is what I'm saying.
I think I was merely pointing out the truth. If you're rich, you eat dinner and sometimes even really good dinners. If you're poor, dinner might not be there or enough of it to fill you up or give you the nutrition you need.
It's easy to pick out the 1 person in a million who defied the odds due to extraordinary talent or brains. Both Winfrey and Gates have these qualities. They are not the average Joes of the world.
I can celebrate me all I want but all I ever REALLY wanted was a decent man and to date that has never happened. I guess I do feel cheated in that regard given the role models I had in men growing up. If you don't think that a father has a profound influence on how his daughter will relate to men you are quite mistaken. So I got cut short there. I am tired of celebrating alone. Having all of the responsibility for everything alone.
Dolly Parton had TALENT and LOOKS. I'm talking about your everyday average Joe.
What, you think she got out of bed one day, picked up a guitar and just started playing that well? She WORKED at it.
Here's what I think -- generally speaking, we all have gifts and talents and it's up to us to make the most of them. The people that lead charmed lives aren't charmed, they've learned how to use their gifts to their profit.
I say generally speaking because sometimes things we can't anticipate throw monkey wrenches into things. For the most part, people find their way out of these things... but sometimes....
My ex-best friend has mental issues and always sets up impassable road blocks for herself. When things are starting to go well, she screws it up so she can continue on her path of self fullfilling failure which she then blames on her parents. I watched this for years, I had to let her go, because her self destructive streak also tended to take collateral damage and I was DONE being that.
But that's not to say that mental health issues always hamper you. Another friend of ours has paranoid schizophenia issues (hears voices that tell her to jump off buildings) and is married with children, and a good career -- one of those charmed lives.
The biggest difference is that my charmed friend said "I have problems and I know I have problems, and I am willing to seek help for them and continue to seek help."
The ex bestie? It was never her problem, every one else was crazy. She'll never ever see it as her problem. It will never get better.
The biggest difference is that my charmed friend said "I have problems and I know I have problems, and I am willing to seek help for them and continue to seek help."
The ex bestie? It was never her problem, every one else was crazy. She'll never ever see it as her problem. It will never get better.
Well, I am a living example of doing what your charmed friend has done, only my life's not charmed.
I've been in therapy my whole life and seen my fair share of Drs.
However, I've also known some not so nice people and didn't recognize them for who they were and this led to problems.
It's my problem I have my "issues," but it's not my problem I've run across liars who have taken advantage of my weaknesses while they were telling me they were being honest.
And much in the way I have the color eyes that I do, I also inherited certain other things too.
What, you think she got out of bed one day, picked up a guitar and just started playing that well? She WORKED at it.
Here's what I think -- generally speaking, we all have gifts and talents and it's up to us to make the most of them. The people that lead charmed lives aren't charmed, they've learned how to use their gifts to their profit.
I say generally speaking because sometimes things we can't anticipate throw monkey wrenches into things. For the most part, people find their way out of these things... but sometimes....
My ex-best friend has mental issues and always sets up impassable road blocks for herself. When things are starting to go well, she screws it up so she can continue on her path of self fullfilling failure which she then blames on her parents. I watched this for years, I had to let her go, because her self destructive streak also tended to take collateral damage and I was DONE being that.
But that's not to say that mental health issues always hamper you. Another friend of ours has paranoid schizophenia issues (hears voices that tell her to jump off buildings) and is married with children, and a good career -- one of those charmed lives.
The biggest difference is that my charmed friend said "I have problems and I know I have problems, and I am willing to seek help for them and continue to seek help."
The ex bestie? It was never her problem, every one else was crazy. She'll never ever see it as her problem. It will never get better.
for every ten talented bands or musicans , one will hit the big time , usually because they happened to be playing in a bar when a music producer stumbled across them , oprah winfrey had her lucky break too and she took it well , considering where she came from , if she was earning 100 k per year , she would have made a success of herself
I think I was merely pointing out the truth. If you're rich, you eat dinner and sometimes even really good dinners. If you're poor, dinner might not be there or enough of it to fill you up or give you the nutrition you need.
It's easy to pick out the 1 person in a million who defied the odds due to extraordinary talent or brains. Both Winfrey and Gates have these qualities. They are not the average Joes of the world.
I can celebrate me all I want but all I ever REALLY wanted was a decent man and to date that has never happened. I guess I do feel cheated in that regard given the role models I had in men growing up. If you don't think that a father has a profound influence on how his daughter will relate to men you are quite mistaken. So I got cut short there. I am tired of celebrating alone. Having all of the responsibility for everything alone.
Are you married?
I'm not married, no. Had a very bump relationship with my dad, grew up in a one parent household. I can go on and on with my "credentials" but what for? I'm starting to realize a lot of people here don't seem to want to hear because it doesn't fit in with their perception. Don't think I don't empathize, I do, because I have compared myself and wondered why the hell life has been so "unfair". But life is life, it's not here to please you or me or anyone else for that matter.
Why give up on yourself like that and find reasons to cut yourself down? Work on yourself and push yourself to be the best YOU that you can be and Inshallah, it will go well. Do you part because it's all you can do.
I'm sorry if I seem like I'm preaching btw. My optimism is through the roof today.
for every ten talented bands or musicans , one will hit the big time , usually because they happened to be playing in a bar when a music producer stumbled across them , oprah winfrey had her lucky break too and she took it well , considering where she came from , if she was earning 100 k per year , she would have made a success of herself
I am going to agree with you that luck DOES factor into a lot of this.
Also, connections and who you know can never be discounted.
I think there's certainly an amount of "the luck of the draw" in everyone's life. Some have enormous opportunity, some very little. But I think a big part of it is the "approach" to the situation. A person who is raised with little opportunity might make opportunity where none or little existed. And then another person with great opportunity might squander it, and end up suffering.
Poor people can get rich, but also, poor people can enrich their lives in other ways out of necessity. Dolly Parton's a good example of a combination of both. She was born and raised in poverty. She had basically no opportunity to rise above her "station" at any time, in her upbringing. And yet - she got past that. She just kept pushing forward, accepting "what is" and striving for what gave her the greatest joy. Singing doesn't cost a thing, so she didn't have to worry about affording the things that she loved best. Her family, and her music, were what she loved best.
It's not that "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.." it's more, "when life gives you lemons, learn to LIKE lemons."
Or put them in your bra to make your tata's look bigger.
I'm not married, no. Had a very bump relationship with my dad, grew up in a one parent household. I can go on and on with my "credentials" but what for? I'm starting to realize a lot of people here don't seem to want to hear because it doesn't fit in with their perception. Don't think I don't empathize, I do, because I have compared myself and wondered why the hell life has been so "unfair". But life is life, it's not here to please you or me or anyone else for that matter.
Why give up on yourself like that and find reasons to cut yourself down? Work on yourself and push yourself to be the best YOU that you can be and Inshallah, it will go well. Do you part because it's all you can do.
I'm sorry if I seem like I'm preaching btw. My optimism is through the roof today.
Ok, I just have to ask this question even though I don't want to.
Have you ever been diagnosed with clinical depression?
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but what for? I'm starting to realize a lot of people here don't seem to want to hear because it doesn't fit in with their perception. Don't think I don't empathize, I do, because I have compared myself and wondered why the hell life has been so "unfair". But life is life, it's not here to please you or me or anyone else for that matter. 
