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I am a forty-something female. For the past year or so my spouse has been calling me fat. So I joinedWeightwatchers and have been 3 times. So far I have lost about 9 pounds. He keeps offering me the fat food which he is continuing to inhale like crazy and he doesn't gain weight, then he gets offended when I tell him I can't eat junk food anymore. I am 5'3" and I weigh 150, so obviously I have a way to go. I am so p'd off at him, and told him that he needs to get off my back, but he's not. I told him I think he is abusing me but he just says the weight loss is for my own good!! Like I didn't really know I needed to lose weight. I didn't sign up for WW's because of him, it was because a friend and I decided that we wanted to lose weight. Most of my friends have (the girls) have said to give him a kick in the *****, and tell him where to go.
He says my feelings shouldn't be hurt because he has only said it three or four times, and he still thinks I'm really cute---I just need to lose weight. What kind of person does this to their partner? We have been together for 6 years.
Do you belong to Weight Watchers online community? If you go to https://www.weightwatchers.com/signup/registration/StepOne.aspx (broken link) it's free and if you signed up for monthly pass e-tools is included and you have the same user name. I am telling you this because I lost over 70lbs with WW and couldn't have done it without the encouragement and support of the 100+lbs to lose board...they are fabulous! So you should check them out...you would get 20 replies to this question there.
Anyway to answer your original question. First of all if he said "Honey you could use to lose a little weight I'm concerned about your health." then that's caring and nice even if you didn't want to hear it. If he said, "Woooah! you're SO fat!"...well then you need to kick him, um, I mean have a serious talk with him about the difference between loving and supporting you and just being emotionally abusive and mean.
As for the giving you stuff you can't have...first of all you know on Weight Watchers you can have anything in moderation...but you need to plan for it. So explain to him that you have planned your foods out and although you think it's very nice of him to offer things to you that is distracts you from what you have planned to eat and prefer he stopped doing it for that reason. If you say it's because he's tempting you or you can't have it you will set yourself up for an out of control moment in eating or an out of control argument with your husband. Good luck!
My guy wouldn't dare do that to me. Tell him you need his support or tell him to shut up. if he really loves you and cares for you, he will support you and quit acting like a total idiot.
Sparkpeople is also a free site, always free, it has all the tools one needs to lose weight, and tons of great people. Check it out sometime. Its an amazing site for free.
You can tell your husband if he continues to call you fat, you'll end up like me: 280 lbs and 5'5''. My entire life my family members called me fat to "inspire" me to lose weight. That's a load of crap.
My husband is awesome though and he's very supportive. We've both started working out together and instead of calling it "losing weight and going on a diet" we say "to lead a healthier lifestyle". Seems to be working!
Honestly, well done and keep up the good work. You should be feeling like a million bucks, and for every pound you lose add another million!
Stay focused and enjoy what you're doing. As long as you believe in yourself it'll work. Don't let your husband's negativity get you down. Flat out tell him that you don't appreciate his unkind words and it will not deter you. What you need is his support and love ... then go for a walk and let it all out!
Flat out tell him that you don't appreciate his unkind words and it will not deter you. What you need is his support and love ... then go for a walk and let it all out!
and after your walk join us on the daily exercise thread. We have a lot of fun and it really is a good motivation.
congrats on the 9 pounds. I have often thought about WW but I am such a pickey eater they would throw me out for not eating veggies.
I just need to stop with the sweets and snacking .
I simply would not allow my husband to talk to me like that - there would be h*ll to pay!! He is sabotaging you in your efforts to lose weight - I say get some counseling for you both - his attitude towards you probably has something to do with your weight gain. I have a darling friend. Her husband often makes derogatory statements to her about her appearance and actions - and he is quite controlling - she once told me that the only thing that she had control of in her life was what she ate - she now weighs 300 lbs!!
Congrats on the weight loss - keep up the good work!
My first husband used to call me fat. I was pretty thin when we started dating. I rode 8-10 horses a day, 6 days a week. Then I had a back injury. I gained weight so fast it was scary. Ever the sensitive one, he said things like "Wow! Look how big your thighs have gotten!"
He keeps offering me the fat food which he is continuing to inhale like crazy and he doesn't gain weight, then he gets offended when I tell him I can't eat junk food anymore.
He says my feelings shouldn't be hurt because he has only said it three or four times, and he still thinks I'm really cute---I just need to lose weight. What kind of person does this to their partner? We have been together for 6 years.
Sounds to me like he's got control issues...he tells you you're fat, tries to feed you junk food, and chows it himself?? That makes no sense at all, unless of course, he wants to keep you chunky out of fear other men may treat you kindly if you lose some.. And how kind of him to tell you you're cute and fat in the same breath...
My vote is don't count on him for support, do what you gotta do for YOU. Too many folks alter their behavior to make their hubby / wife / whatever happy when the bottom line sometimes is you couldn't make your partner happy if you tickled him in the a$$ with a feather. Trust me, my ex is one of these, she's still miserable after 12 years of divorce...
Do it for YOU!!
I just had another thought...if you're feeling testy someday when he is taking a shot, just look at him and say "I may be fat, but you're ugly and I can always lose weight..."
Last edited by Delaneyland; 05-05-2007 at 10:06 AM..
I am a forty-something female. For the past year or so my spouse has been calling me fat. So I joinedWeightwatchers and have been 3 times. So far I have lost about 9 pounds. He keeps offering me the fat food which he is continuing to inhale like crazy and he doesn't gain weight, then he gets offended when I tell him I can't eat junk food anymore. I am 5'3" and I weigh 150, so obviously I have a way to go. I am so p'd off at him, and told him that he needs to get off my back, but he's not. I told him I think he is abusing me but he just says the weight loss is for my own good!! Like I didn't really know I needed to lose weight. I didn't sign up for WW's because of him, it was because a friend and I decided that we wanted to lose weight. Most of my friends have (the girls) have said to give him a kick in the *****, and tell him where to go.
He says my feelings shouldn't be hurt because he has only said it three or four times, and he still thinks I'm really cute---I just need to lose weight. What kind of person does this to their partner? We have been together for 6 years.
You know, even if he isn't overweight, that junk food is still bad for his health. You could always mention that next time he's dangling some cheese fries under your nose. Just knowing the amount of saturated fat in some foods is enough to-well, it can be a real eye opening experience finding that stuff out. I have also heard that the movie 'Supersize me" is rather enlightening! Ask him, if you were an alcoholic and quit drinking, would he do that then, too? Oh, just one-it won't kill you?! Congratulations, too, by the way-9 pounds is a noticeable difference, and you should feel proud! (btw, I don't know if his actions are abuse but they are cruel)
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We have been together for 6 years.
