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while i agre dogs are a big commitment i know MANY MANY MANY wonderfull happy loving and well loved dogs living in homes where ther people work long hours.
ive got many dog friends who are single and work long hours with veyr happy dogs...
the key is not how long your away...but how much time and attention your willing to devote to the dog when you are home.
for someone who works 10 hours then wants to spend their none working ours hanging with frineds, going clubbing ect then no a dog isnt going to work...
but for someone who wors long hours but is happy to come home from work and snuggle with thie rpooch on the couch and spend their days off doing something engaging with the dog hiking, agility classes ect) those dogs can not only be happy but incredibly productive well behaved dogs.
Trust me, I don't feel good about this. I feel like a selfish commitmentphobe because I can't commit to taking care of this one. But is it really possible that I just got the wrong dog? I was hoping for an experience with calmer dogs who would relax by my side instead of sprinting around the room like they're dodging bullets. The older, calmer dogs I've had in the past always made me feel happy and at peace. So far, Toffee has mostly made me feel stress because she can't sit still and is constantly searching for the next item to tear apart.
I'm going to be rather frank.
It is good that you recognize that you are opting not to take steps to make this situation work (as opposed to pretending it would simply be impossible, which would be untrue).
I don't think you should have a dog or a cat. You want a dog that makes you feel calm. You want a dog to relax with you. It's an awful lot of YOU, and not a lot about what you could give to a pet.
Let's say you get an older, more sedate dog. What happens when that dog gets sick and requires care? How will you handle that? What happens when that dog has other behavioral problems not related to energy levels, or develops them later on? All of this also applies to a cat. With any animal, the amount of care they require can change very suddenly... or gradually. If you want something relaxing, a plant is a better choice (and I'm honestly not being sarcastic.)
When I adopted JJ, he was unlike any cat I've ever had. He was so active and so smart that he was constantly getting in trouble. He was also a biting little brat and nothing I tried made his behavior better...and before that I thought I was pretty dang good with animals! I finally had to pay a behavioral vet for help. There were honestly nights where I just sat on the floor and wept because I was so exhausted and so stressed out from dealing with this horrible little beast. It wasn't at all the feel-good adoption I thought it would be.
Six years later and my life would be so much lesser if I didn't have him in it. There are days I literally don't smile the entire day until I come home and he says hello by biting my face. It wasn't easy, and it wasn't what I wanted...but I knew when I brought him into my life that his needs would have to come first.
There is never a guarantee that any pet you adopt will come without baggage and be the perfect relaxing house pet you have in your head. If you can't deal with the unexpected (and again, even if they start out perfect, things can change), it isn't fair to the animal.
And anyone who knows something of dogs (have you ever actually owned a dog or do you just work at a shelter?) knows that two dogs are much easier than one.
I mean come one, some common sense here.
Um, I own TWO. One is older, the other much younger. Balancing two is ALOT more difficult than one. Everything has to be adjusted to their individual levels...from excercise to food to toys.
Quote:
Originally Posted by PullMyFinger
I've heard you guys are nasty on this forum and I guess this is the proof. Someone who thinks differently is attacked merciliessly.
Oh boy...you've never SEEN a knock down drag out fight on here have you? Trust me, Ive engaged in several of those. This isnt one of them.
I have a high energy little girl that chewed everything when she was a pup..She's now 2 and has settled down; although she still loves to run and chase her frisbee...I love her to death and the time I put into her was well worth it. If you take this pup back to the pound, she might not find a home and that would be sad. Give her time; the next dog you get could have issues too, then what? Just love her for who she is, walk the heck out of her and she'll settle down someday Mom...
The 21 day trial period is there for a reason--because they want to make sure the dog stays in the right home. You probably signed a contract when you adopted the pup, and it probably said that if at any point you cannot care for it, you need to return it to the shelter you adopted her from. (Meaning I would not try to rehome her yourself like some others have suggested). If you decide you can't keep her, utilize this grace period they give you! As a rescue volunteer, I'd MUCH rather see the dog come back to us than be given away to someone we know nothing about, or resented in its home.
If you want to try to keep her, I would call a behaviorist to come to your house ASAP. They can help you come up with a plan to tire her out in accordance with your schedule, to help you figure out how to make the crate calm and happy for her, etc. It's a slow process though, and it's not going to fix itself overnight.
In the meantime, you need to decide if you're willing to devote all your free time outside of work/sleep to Toffee for a while (possibly a long while). It sounds like overkill, but it's not really a stretch. When we brought Lucy home from the shelter, I felt much like you do--overwhelmed, underprepared, and woefully shocked at energy levels. (And we had actually done the research and gotten a 3 year old, adult dog!) Your work schedule isn't the problem--you have just as much free time as any other 9-5er, you just have to use it to benefit Toffee.
My routine with Lucy was:
-Wake up an hour early so she could have 45 minutes of walking/running/jogging on leash with me.
-Breakfast served as a "training session" for 15 minutes. She had to work for each piece of kibble to stimulate her brain a little bit. Some days that meant playing "hide and seek" with the kibble under blankets or cups. Some days I clicker trained behaviors. Some days I was lazy and threw the kibble in a food dispensing toy and made her work for it while I got ready for work.
-When I left, I gave her a frozen kong. Kibble soaked in chicken broth mashes up really nicely to freeze in the toy, and takes a long time to work through. By the time she was done, it was nap time.
In the afternoon, DH would come home from work and walk her for another 1-2 miles. He'd do training sessions with her dinner kibble too.
I'd come home from work anywhere from 6-9 pm, skip dinner, and immediately take her to the dog park to RUN RUN RUN for an hour. In the winter (when it got dark early), that meant driving 30 minutes across town to the park with lights, but it was SO WORTH IT. I realize you can't do this at 3 am, but you could totally do it at 3 pm, before you go to work.
Then before bed, around 11, she'd go out for another 20 minutes walk. She basically got 2-3 hours of exercise a day, plus 30 minutes of training, plus frozen kongs to work through.
Now, 3.5 years later, we're down to just an hour of exercise a day. I've been training her in agility (to give her brain and body a work out!), and 30 minutes of training sequences plus a 30 minute walk/jog is usually decent, as long as we make it to the dog park 2-3 times a week. I've had to give up tons of social opportunities to keep my dog happy in the mean time--I can't accept happy hour invitations, can't do after work activities, and can't stay out late on Saturday nights. I think it's worth it--but you might not, and that's OKAY. There's nothing wrong with discovering your limits, owning up to making a mistake, and doing your best to correct it. If Toffee is making your life miserable, then take her back and let someone who wants a puppy get her.
I would return the dog within the 21 day period. And there are breeds that are better left alone - the book: "paws to consider" is great and the OP may consider mixes of these breeds.
As a last ditch result, there is a product called "rescue remedy" which is an herbal supplement that supposedly calms down dogs, she could try this. There are other calming types of products available that may work as well. If you live an apt, having a howling dog all night long is NOT gonna fly with your neighbors for long and you will end up getting rid of the dog for HAVING to get rid of it or getting kicked out because of the noise.
We have always worked full time and we have always had dogs, key is to give them lots of attention when you ARE home. A tired dog is a good dog, although this dog sounds like it has a super-high energy level, not a good fit with the OP. We have kids and the kids play with the dog to tire them out. We have a small breed which is easier to tire out. Some breeds (border collies and other herding breeds some to mind) you will NOT wear those dogs out. I would love to get a large breed but know it would not fit our lifestyle.
I would take her back. It has been just a short time, however these behaviors are hard to deal w/ and toffee obviously needs a more hig energy, more available owner. I think it is better to take her back, then to resent her. Do some research, and if you are adopting, look for an older dog, one that would have a harder time being adopted, a couch potato dog. I have a bulldog, that I adore. We are older and wanted a dog that wasn't hyper. I had a boxer for over 16 yrs, and I had done the high energy thing when my sons were growing up.
Return the dog. You have made up your mind. Trying to convince people on a forum to tell you this is the right thing to do is just giving you mixed responses. You don't need this forum's support or agreement. You know what you want the answer to be, and you're entitled to feel the way you do. Do it and do it quickly if you haven't already. It will just get more difficult the longer you wait.
But I do agree that you're probably not ready for any dog yet. Wait until the time is right (if ever) to try again. Dog-sit for friends now and then to find out what it's like. It's a HUGE responsibility, as you are finding out.
Drugging a dog to keep it calm so you [or anyone] doent have to walk & play & train the dog is NOT right!! Return the dog until you have a lifestye where you can Properly Care for a dog! Its so easy to grow up with a ideal dog simply cause as a kid your parents did all the work! Except for the Play LOL No Dog comes Ready made! Some one Had to Train the Dog! Training is a Bonding peroid so getting an Outside person the teach manners Not going to work either! The dog will just bond with them! This dog is a Puppy ... He needs House trained & trained what you want him to DO & Not Do! He also needs Basic Obed as do You! Thats dog classes where they teach You how to Train him & You have to go to class & Work with him at Home! PLEASE Return him while he has a chance to find a home!!
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Trust me, Ive engaged in several of those. This isnt one of them.
