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I don't know why so many people are blaming the parents for giving an "excuse" for their son's mistakes; I reread that note a few times and considered it to be an explanation, not an excuse -- it seems pretty clear that they knew their son was busy, but had been under the impression that he had been balancing things better. Isn't it helpful for the teacher to know what's going on? And for the teacher to know that the parents are now aware of the problem and recognize the root cause? (and will presumably be working with their son to fix that problem?)
I agree that there doesn't seem to be any need for the parents and teachers to meet over this, at least not at this time. The parents say they now know what's going on, the teacher knows they know -- what more is there to say? It seems like a waste of time at this point, for both parties.
That's the way I see it as well. When his report card comes home with an "F" maybe he (and or they) will get more serious about prioritizing. At some point in a child's life, a little rain must fall. Otherwise, how is he or she going to learn to cope and prevent failure in the first place?
Methinks sometimes we think too much in this society. I find that communication between parents and teachers is key, but there is only so much that can be done between the two parties. The student needs to be held accountable for his or her actions or lack thereof and suffer the consequences come what may. It's often the only true way to learn IMHO.
It's odd that the trades are no longer considered respectable work. Parents and schools expect all kids to want college and expect them to strive for only college, nothing else. If a senior isn't in line to attend college the next fall, they are considered a failure.
Our local high school fought to keep military recruiters out for years. This year they were allowed very briefly in a corner where there was not much traffic. Parents picket and have sit-ins to keep anyone from entering the recruiting offices around here. For some reason, serving this country has become shameful to most parents. It used to be a proud thing to enter the military, now it isn't
Where do you live that the trades and the military are not considered respectable occupations? This is a serious question. Parents picketing recruiting offices? Really? I don't doubt you - I just have to admit that even though I live in what can only be classified as a liberal Midwestern city I have never heard of such a thing. A child serving in the military is considered something to be proud of. And I have never heard anyone actively disparage those who work in the trades.
I am not sure what conclusion you think I am drawing except from what the parents actually said.
You have concluded that the parent values extra curricular activities over academic work.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lkb0714
That being the child is too busy with other things to do his homework and that he has so much homework he falls asleep doing.
That is not exactly what was said; that is your interpretation. Of course, I could be reading more into your words as well, but I get the sense you believe the child was too busy with his "other, more important" activities to be bothered doing his homework, and that the parent feels this is an acceptable excuse.
What I am saying is I did not get that impression from her note, but the only way to really know what the parent values more is to have a conference with her.
Otherwise, why bother asking everyone to try and interpret the meaning behind the parent's words?
Where do you live that the trades and the military are not considered respectable occupations? This is a serious question. Parents picketing recruiting offices? Really? I don't doubt you - I just have to admit that even though I live in what can only be classified as a liberal Midwestern city I have never heard of such a thing. A child serving in the military is considered something to be proud of. And I have never heard anyone actively disparage those who work in the trades.
I'm in New England. Parents HAVE picketed in front of the local recruiting office. They sat on the sidewalk so no one could get in without climbing over the top of them. Parents here DO NOT want their children enlisting. My daughter will be a senior next year. She has talked about enlisting and knows only one person (Actually, a boyfriend of someone she knows.) who has gone into the military. He's not from this area.
Parents might be proud in this state when their offspring is in the military, they do not want them there and they do not make it a secret.
College is expected and around here if the plan isn't to go directly to college out of high school, that family is looked down on. It is assumed that the ONLY graduating seniors who don't go to college are the few low income or who constantly get into trouble.
Actually knowing a trade and making a good living with it is different than someone saying their teen is not interested and won't be going to college but wants to become a car machanic or mason or electrician. Around here people look at the poor parent and assume that the offspring can't cut college so has to settle for something less.
Where do you live that the trades and the military are not considered respectable occupations? This is a serious question. Parents picketing recruiting offices? Really? I don't doubt you - I just have to admit that even though I live in what can only be classified as a liberal Midwestern city I have never heard of such a thing. A child serving in the military is considered something to be proud of. And I have never heard anyone actively disparage those who work in the trades.
Of course the military is a respected occupation. In fact, at one point in my life I was even offered a commission in the air force as a captain.
It doesn't change the fact though that as long as this country chooses to embroil itself in military conflicts like Iraq that have nothing to do with self-defense, I'll strongly discourage my kids from joining. I think the people in the military are quite honorable. The purposes that politicians have chosen to use are military for are not.
I agree with this ^. The parent is being honest about what's going on. Learning how to prioritize and balance what we want to do is not something one learns overnight. We had a similar situation with my middle child when he was in HS and going for his Eagle Scout rank. To make Eagle he HAD to do certain leadership activities plus the actual work and he had made a commitment to himself and the troop to do that. He was also in the HS band, which was another commitment and one he couldn't stop doing mid-stream. Although I had warned him that Junior year was going to be hard with honors and AP classes and the above commitments, it wasn't until mid-year that he realized that he was in over his head.
As a parent you can nag and be involved but until the kids themselves internalize their problems and commit to a solution, nothing is going to happen. I think the quoted letter from the parent was a good one.
That was me in high school, minus the Eagle Scout, but plus a part-time job.
In our efforts to help our children become well-rounded people, I think we parents often overestimate what our children can legitimately accomplish, and our kids don't have any idea that they're getting in over their heads until it's much, much too late. It's up to us to set reasonable limits, but that can be really difficult.
I'm already seeing my kids suffer under the weight of all the things they want and need to do. Some days, I think my entire family is going to buckle under the weight of the "Four S's": school, swim team, soccer, and Scouts. There's a fifth "S" that sometimes falls to the bottom of the priority list. Can you guess what it is? SLEEP...mostly mine! That said, we've taken a pretty strong stand about the importance of sleep and school for our kids' physical health and intellectual growth. I think it's high time that we parents talk openly about the financial and physical strain all these activities put on our children and our families. Once it's out in the open, perhaps we'll find the strength to dial things back.
As to the letter, I would have hoped to read what steps the parents are taking to address the problem, rather than a litany of excuses. But, at the very least, she or he has taken some initiative in contacting you. It's a place to start.
Last edited by formercalifornian; 06-07-2010 at 02:03 PM..
Our classrooms have swamp coolers. Much more energy efficient and they work great in our climate! We have 'em on until October or so and start em back up in April or May.
Seriously, reading this thread all I can think is that times sure have changed. As a middle or high school student, none of my teachers ever would have contacted my parents about missing assignments (although it would become clear on a quarterly report card). My parents also would never have checked with the teacher to see if I was missing assignments. And there was no such thing as Parent Connect or any regular posting of grades other than a report card. That WAS the notification.
If I was missing assignments, that was my own fault and the grade suffered. It is odd to me that so many other people are expected to be in charge or organizing a middle or high school student's life nowadays. Everyone but the student, it seems.
What is a swamp cooler?
I agree. Everyone but the student. I figure the student only has six classes to manage wheras I have 150 students to manage. Gee, who should be in charge of his missed work?
I agree. Everyone but the student. I figure the student only has six classes to manage wheras I have 150 students to manage. Gee, who should be in charge of his missed work?
Are you kidding me? Let me Google that for you, Ivory: swamp cooler.
Look, children need to be accountable for their own work; however, parents play an important role in monitoring extra-curricular activities that infringe upon a child's ability to keep up with his school work. After all, an 11-year-old isn't driving himself to soccer practice, nor is he likely to be writing the checks that pay for it. I count on my kids' teachers' feedback about their classroom work to determine whether or not they are are having trouble. Quick action on my part as a parent in limiting those activities at the first sign of trouble can salvage a bad situation.
So, yes, I believe that children should be held accountable, but I also think we parents need to step up and help our children make good decisions.
Last edited by formercalifornian; 06-07-2010 at 02:56 PM..
Are you kidding me? Let me Google that for you, Ivory: swamp cooler.
Look, children need to be accountable for their own work; however, parents play an important role in monitoring extra-curricular activities that infringe upon a child's ability to keep up with his school work. After all, an 11-year-old isn't driving himself to soccer practice, nor is he likely to be writing the checks that pay for it. I count on my kids' teachers feedback about their classroom work to determine whether or not they are are having trouble. Quick action on my part as a parent in limiting those activities at the first sign of trouble can salvage a bad situation.
So, yes, I believe that children should be held accountable, but I also think we parents need to step up and help our children make good decisions.
I don't disagree with you....I just think that is mostly accomplished before the students are high school age....which is the age of student OP is dealing with.
Despite best efforts I know it doesn't always work out that way. DD has needed little help in that area and while DS claims not to need help, the results of his own efforts indicate that we still need to be in a monitoring/ advisory role much more so than for DD. *sigh*
Where do you live that the trades and the military are not considered respectable occupations? This is a serious question. Parents picketing recruiting offices? Really? I don't doubt you - I just have to admit that even though I live in what can only be classified as a liberal Midwestern city I have never heard of such a thing. A child serving in the military is considered something to be proud of. And I have never heard anyone actively disparage those who work in the trades.
I live in the North East and even at my school, which has a mandatory JROTC program, many parents fight having military recruiters tooth and nail. There is a stigma (completely unwarranted) with many kids becoming ENLISTED, less so with those going to the academies.
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