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I have Ukrainian friends, I've been to Ukraine once and here is what I can tell you about the weddings:
I don't know anything about the bathing or any of the other traditions that they have there, but the stealing of the bride is something very common in Eastern Europe and is actually a silly, no harm done tradition; some like it, some like it not.
As stand in parents to the bride you can get her whatever gift you consider newlyweds might need (it's not that different from what you would buy at an american wedding, maybe a little more consistent, though); you could go for kitchen stuff, like china or a set of fancy crystal; or something more expensive, like a fridge or a stove, but that woudl mean that you buy it there and I don't know if you have the time; parents tend to give more significant presents than the rest of the guests, so you could go for a gift and some money. She doesn't want you to get them anything because she considers that you are already going through enough trouble flying all the way to Ukraine, but she will love it if you do bring a gift. Ukrainians are very traditional people, she might not care about the gift, but the rest of the family will care (even if it's the in-laws) and actually expect it from you (so DO get something for the groom's parents, something american). Your kids don't have to make gifts, unless they were very close to the bride and feel like doing something special (there is no need to make them think about something special).
Are they going to live by themselves in a new house maybe? Then they need furniture. Before you leave for the wedding, you could buy small stuff to give to them, like a piece of jewelery or something with sentimental value.
As for what to wear, just wear what you would normaly wear at a wedding (but not white, of course).
The religious ceremony can last up to two hours. And it is not the "will you take blah blah...in sickness and in health etc.. Its's a long religious monologue, that can be very tiring for everybody present (I am orthodocs - sp? and married, so I know what I am talking about).
The fact that she is educated doesn't mean that she can't still be very supersitions. It's a strange combination between the new and the old, I guess. I am kind of the same way (even if I don't believe in demons, ghosts and so on), so, again, I get that about her.
The actual party will most likely start after the sun sets and will finish at 4-5 in the morning. You don't have to stay for the entire duration of the party, but you probably should since you are considered as the parents.
I am sure you will have a great time, I loved the few days I spent in Ukraine. You will see that they are a very traditional and welcoming people. Because of the craziness of the wedding you will miss a lot of the every day life, but still, it will be an interesting experience. Just prepare your trip with an open mind and enjoy the ride.
Last edited by sparkk2chane; 01-30-2013 at 05:14 PM..
Why do you not ask the bride what she would like to have as a present from you and your family? Like it or not - cash is always a good thing for a young couple.
Your wife can help herself to side dishes. It may get her a strange look or two but she will be fine.
Make sure you know how to get to her place AND have a key.
Sauna or whatever it is called locally - take a towel:>)
LOL~ Yes I will take a towel and a bathing suit. I trust that they won't be offended - I am just not much of a nudist. If the parents think that our teenaged kids 19 and 16 will have any interest in doing anything involving scantily clad middle aged people and possibly nude middle aged people they would be wrong. They are invited too. When I told them they said "Whoa, no way" and "well that is so not happening".
The initial "go to the bathroom with his parents" is worthy of a short story highlighting cross cultural and language misunderstandings. What I at first thought was...well just horrible. Just think a second. Then stop because the scene was momentarily frightening.
As far as gifts I would agree with Erasure. From what I know the LLBean, preppy and rustic looks do not translate well.It's funny that you brought up quilts because I have an antique quilt made by my great. great grandmother and she was not terribly impressed but she gushed over our flat screen TVs, and a rather bland set of 1950s 60s Lenox China with platinum edging.Rustic just looks shabby and in Katya's words that most derisive of terms "Hutzulka".
There is a shop in Kiev that sell up scale china, crystal as well as Ukrainian made items. I know that Katya does not like those, and she was very disproving when I purchased a tea set in a traditional design but conceded that she knew why I would like such thinks because it is a novelty. For her it is a no no - perhaps something like oh...putting pink flamingos on your lawn or being too country cutsey Americana.
As far as asking her, she will not hear of it. She says the travel is the gift and she was worried that we would not come. We don't have a limitless budget, but an extra few hundred dollars is not going to break us. And this will also be our family vacation.
What about gifts for the groom's parents? Are there any other customary gifts that I need to take?
This is hard because while there are numerous guide books outlining customs and taboos for many countries , Ukraine included. there is no section devoted to weddings.
I did have a thought just now to buy them a flat screen television while in Ukraine. I have never bought a major appliance in Ukraine, but everything else that I did buy was a fraction of the price that it is in the US. She was enamored with these "bid modern American televisions" - although actually they are all Korean. Are they available there? If I need to shop her sister has an interpreter since she works in adoption.
Also, will anything there be vegetarian? I can be some what flexible. I am just not going to ask too many questions about what is in this or that if it looks OK - things such as potatoes, cabbage, soup, pirogis or varanishka, kasha, eggs will do. However I am wondering if these will be available at a wedding. Or if there will only be meat? I have seen the cake, she sent me a photo on facebook. It looks lovely.
The funny thing is, as I figure this out, they have taken on many western customs in resent years - having brides maids in addition to one maid of honor and one best man and a few other things. But just when you think that it is going to be like a typical western wedding, you find out something different.
It would actually be easier if she were a traditional Russian / Ukrainian bride because there is much on the internet about that. But she is more progressive and wants this to be a very elegant affair - like the wedding of Kate and William - not a Hutzulka wedding.
So it is a bit complicated but very exciting! I am honored to be the "mother" of such a kind and accomplished young woman.
I have Ukrainian friends, I've been to Ukraine once and here is what I can tell you about the weddings:
I don't know anything about the bathing or any of the other traditions that they have there, but the stealing of the bride is something very common in Eastern Europe and is actually a silly, no harm done tradition; some like it, some like it not.
As stand in parents to the bride you can get her whatever gift you consider newlyweds might need (it's not that different from what you would buy at an american wedding, maybe a little more consistent, though); you could go for kitchen stuff, like china or a set of fancy crystal; or something more expensive, like a fridge or a stove, but that woudl mean that you buy it there and I don't know if you have the time; parents tend to give more significant presents than the rest of the guests, so you could go for a gift and some money. She doesn't want you to get them anything because she considers that you are already going through enough trouble flying all the way to Ukraine, but she will love it if you do bring a gift. Ukrainians are very traditional people, she might not care about the gift, but the rest of the family will care (even if it's the in-laws) and actually expect it from you (so DO get something for the groom's parents, something american). Your kids don't have to make gifts, unless they were very close to the bride and feel like doing something special (there is no need to make them think about something special).
Are they going to live by themselves in a new house maybe? Then they need furniture. Before you leave for the wedding, you could buy small stuff to give to them, like a piece of jewelery or something with sentimental value.
As for what to wear, just wear what you would normaly wear at a wedding (but not white, of course).
The religious ceremony can last up to two hours. And it is not the "will you take blah blah...in sickness and in health etc.. Its's a long religious monologue, that can be very tiring for everybody present (I am orthodocs - sp? and married, so I know what I am talking about).
The fact that she is educated doesn't mean that she can't still be very supersitions. It's a strange combination between the new and the old, I guess. I am kind of the same way (even if I don't believe in demons, ghosts and so on), so, again, I get that about her.
The actual party will most likely start after the sun sets and will finish at 4-5 in the morning. You don't have to stay for the entire duration of the party, but you probably should since you are considered as the parents.
I am sure you will have a great time, I loved the few days I spent in Ukraine. You will see that they are a very traditional and welcoming people. Because of the craziness of the wedding you will miss a lot of the every day life, but still, it will be an interesting experience. Just prepare your trip with an open mind and enjoy the ride.
She owns a flat in Kiev but she inherited since I was there. I haven't seen it except in photographs and it appears to be furnished in a very contemporary way nothing fancy but not different from what one would see in Western Europe or NY. The Kitchen is typical Euro kitchen. I don't know if she has a dishwasher. She might like that. I was also thinking of a flat screen TV. She was wild about them and the groom to be is a huge football fan so I would imagine that would be welcome. Along with a set of wine glasses. What do all of you think?
I am aware that the in laws and relatives will be watching what we give. In some ways that is human nature. But this is a bit intensified because we are American, with all of the negative and positive that being American entails, because we are not true relatives and she has selected me over her god mother for this honor, and also because of the incredible generosity and culture of gift giving that Ukrainians adhere to. I also do not want her to feel "motherless" on her wedding day. I was. My mom died a year before I was married and my father's wife was not interested.
In time while in Ukraine there was a night you recieve a lot of information
I want to designate some general moments:
Define your status. You aren't the real parents, you guests, therefore nobody in the right to demand from you as from parents.
Instead of joint visit of a sauna I would offer walk across Kiev with visit of cafe, exhibitions or theaters. Yes, it seems banal, but it would seem to me so better.
Here by the way mentioned about a towel. The Ukrainian towel (rushnyk) is important attribute of a wedding, with it carry out some amusing manipulations, be not surprised. In old times a wedding called "standing on rushnyk".
About a present. I think not bad would be to present money ($300+) and any a being remembered thing from the USA because it is easy to buy the dishwasher or a TV in Ukraine. The gift has to associate directly with America, and thus to be useful. You still have time to think about it.
One more remark. I think to you you shouldn't use "Hutsulka" word without need, it isn't simple designation of people of traditional views, this name of the whole people. It can be compared to the American Indians - you can discuss their strange traditions at home, but in public you can casually cause an insult. I could tell one joke about Huzuls and foreigners, but I am afraid to offend some people here.
I did have a thought just now to buy them a flat screen television while in Ukraine. I have never bought a major appliance in Ukraine, but everything else that I did buy was a fraction of the price that it is in the US. She was enamored with these "bid modern American televisions" - although actually they are all Korean. Are they available there? If I need to shop her sister has an interpreter since she works in adoption.
Also, will anything there be vegetarian? I can be some what flexible. I am just not going to ask too many questions about what is in this or that if it looks OK - things such as potatoes, cabbage, soup, pirogis or varanishka, kasha, eggs will do. However I am wondering if these will be available at a wedding. Or if there will only be meat? I have seen the cake, she sent me a photo on facebook. It looks lovely.
The TV is a great idea, and you can buy it there. You will find all the brands you need, just go to a big electronics store.
Also, if you are a vegetarian, just tell the bride to talk to the caterers and ask about what options there are for vegetarian food. If it's a buffet, then you will surely find something to eat and if it is a sit down dinner (most likely), she can order a vegetarian menu for you. That is very common, also if you have diabetes or another condition that requires special food.
The TV is a great idea, and you can buy it there. You will find all the brands you need, just go to a big electronics store.
Also, if you are a vegetarian, just tell the bride to talk to the caterers and ask about what options there are for vegetarian food. If it's a buffet, then you will surely find something to eat and if it is a sit down dinner (most likely), she can order a vegetarian menu for you. That is very common, also if you have diabetes or another condition that requires special food.
Thanks! Do you know the name of an electronics store in Kiev? I know she will like this because each time she was at my home she raved about it. She is quite a film buff and she has an older TV - it looks like maybe a 19". And the groom loves Football or soccer as we say here. It will be nice for them both!
Are TVs available in Ukraine? I will have to buy it the day before or ask her 1/2 sister if she could pick it up for me. Would I be able to charge it first? What stores do they have right in Kiev?
I think the flats Screen and a nice set of crystal wine glasses from my kids would be a good gift!
I have never been in a Ukrainian home where people had a flat screen TV, so I either thought that they were just not available in Ukraine or that they were over priced.
Are they priced comparably to the US? Or more or less?
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If the parents think that our teenaged kids 19 and 16 will have any interest in doing anything involving scantily clad middle aged people and possibly nude middle aged people they would be wrong. They are invited too. When I told them they said "Whoa, no way" and "well that is so not happening". 
