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So, bottom line, I think it's really great that people are taking all of the realities of parenting into consideration, and making informed decisions as to whether or not they really want to have kids or not.
Unfortunately, the people weighing all the pros and cons and deciding against having them (or maybe only having one) are actually the ones most likely to be good parents. The people not making informed decisions are the ones having a lot of the kids. I don't want to tell people how to live there lives--I don't have kids myself--but it's not a good sign.
Yes, I know people who have decided not to have kids for financial reasons. This conversation came up just a few days ago. We discussed how expensive daycare is, and to buy a house in Silicon Valley meant they'd both have to work. So, they'd both have to work, could barely make their house payments and would have to pay for daycare, which they would also barely be able to afford....
Yes, daycare cost money. The parent can return to work once the child reaches school age, however, there could be after-school care costs if the parent doesn't get off work until 5 p.m. I have to constantly explain this to people who try to shame me for my choice to be a stay at home parent.
I would have had them, despite being frugal. But my divorce ended that possibility. I'm not happy about it, though I do think about if I would have been able to retire if I did have them. I doubt it.
I have worked with several women who have multiple kids each. All of them of groaned and moaned about how much money they would have if they never had kids. One complained so much about working extra and the money just flowed out because of kids. It was really sad to hear her but then I never asked her why did you have 4 of them????.
I don't know anyone who didn't have children for financial reasons.
I don't think many people would admit they didn't have children for financial reasons. Just like the ones who won't admit they did have children for financial reasons (tax refunds, tax benefits, welfare.)
IMO the biggest reason people don't have kids is time, they don't want to spend 18 years raising them.
Yes, daycare cost money. The parent can return to work once the child reaches school age, however, there could be after-school care costs if the parent doesn't get off work until 5 p.m. I have to constantly explain this to people who try to shame me for my choice to be a stay at home parent.
Well, that's probably pretty good payback for how you're always trying to shame people for working at service jobs.
That said, you don't really owe anyone an explanation for your life choices. The more you try to explain to those who think it's their business, the weaker you look.
Last edited by Metlakatla; 12-02-2018 at 09:23 PM..
Yes, daycare cost money. The parent can return to work once the child reaches school age, however, there could be after-school care costs if the parent doesn't get off work until 5 p.m. I have to constantly explain this to people who try to shame me for my choice to be a stay at home parent.
OMG, how annoying. I can't believe anyone would shame you for wanting to raise your own kids!
I have worked with several women who have multiple kids each. All of them of groaned and moaned about how much money they would have if they never had kids. One complained so much about working extra and the money just flowed out because of kids. It was really sad to hear her but then I never asked her why did you have 4 of them????..
When I was in my early 20s, I worked in a secretarial pool and all the other women were single mothers who had children before they turned 21. They hated their lives. They were broke and always chasing down the baby daddy for money. I decided that I would only have kids if I were married and in a financially stable situation. I did not want to wind up miserable like these women were.
Money is not the #1 reason, but it's one of the reasons.
Ditto. By the time we got together and got Married, i was 37 and my OH was 41.i had long before that decided if i didnt have a child by age 40, i would not have any. It seemed unlikely at those ages, so we opted to not have any. I didnt want to have to worry about my SS covering college tuition also, i always joked. At 40 id be 65 when the kid graduated if they went to college or thereabouts .
I also think this is not exactly the best world to try and bring a child up. But then again except maybe the early boomers, maybe there may never have been any good time.
So for those plus other personal reasons, we did not have kids.
Anyone decide not to have children for financial reasons? Was cost the #1 reason why you decided not to have kids?
Yes. For financial reasons, otherwise children's aid would apprehended them because we can't afford them.
We really want to have children. My husband can't find a steady job for the last 10 years.
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