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I feel your pain! My parents are in their 70s and I am in a high COL area and hate winter. I stay out all year, I have great clothing and gear but every year I hate it more. I am looking at a 12-14 hour move most likely. It won't happen for a few years, but has to happen for my sanity.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Steve McDonald
Maybe you could shift to outdoor activities that would be more compatible with the Rochester area. Rowing or flatwater kayak paddling, for example. You don't need hills for distance running and cross-country skiing could take the place of downhill, in the winter.
Sounds like the OP has already tried some additional sports. I have 3 pairs of xc skis and absolutely hate it. Downhill terrifies me. I can tolerate snowshoeing but it will never take the place of my bike in both exertion and fun for me.
The Adirondacks are nearby for your mountain climbing or skiing for day trips or if you decide to relocate.
But before you do anything you need to check out jobs in whatever area you are looking into.
FWIW I developed seasonal affective disorder after moving to the Rochester area. We lived there for five years and it got worse every year. I've been doing much better since we moved. There are some things I miss about the region, but I don't regret the move. It made a big improvement in my health, and it's pretty essential to be healthy when you're raising young children.
Leave. You already made the sacrifice once to move near them and it's not working. They can come with you if they choose. And when they get old enough to need help, they can come live near you or make other arrangements. Their choice.
Go where you want to go! There is no reason why we should have to let our parents decide where we live. When you were a child, you had no other option. Now, you do!
I agree with general advise on this thread except for the topic starter "making a sacrifice". Her children are 6 and 4, she moved there 7 years ago - right before having kids. That is, she moved there with the intent of having built-in help, free babysitters. I don't know who in this situation "made a sacrifice" - maybe the older lady who had to deal with the babies, instead of enjoying her freedom from having raised her own children?
Similarly, I think the TS keeps hidden her another reservation about moving - the loss of free help. It seems to be not all about leaving the parents behind - it is also about leaving the free $$$ help behind. The kids are still small. She will need babysitting.
I agree with general advise on this thread except for the topic starter "making a sacrifice". Her children are 6 and 4, she moved there 7 years ago - right before having kids. That is, she moved there with the intent of having built-in help, free babysitters. I don't know who in this situation "made a sacrifice" - maybe the older lady who had to deal with the babies, instead of enjoying her freedom from having raised her own children?
Similarly, I think the TS keeps hidden her another reservation about moving - the loss of free help. It seems to be not all about leaving the parents behind - it is also about leaving the free $$$ help behind. The kids are still small. She will need babysitting.
The OP didn't say whether the babysitting was free or not. Many pay their parents for babysitting. Not many seniors, however, pay their children when they need care.
We do pay my mother, although not as much as we'd pay another provider. That loss of family based child care will be an adjustment but the kids will be school aged and needing a little less care now. I can not imagine doing the same for my grandchildren but my mother is very, very kid oriented and says she's doing what she always dreamed of. I can't relate to that but I'm sure some people feel that way. I also think it helps my mom keep things the same and avoid a decision about the future. I think this is all the main reason for feeling "guilt leaving parents". That I owe them time in some way. My mother often goes away (including 2 months every summer) and we always have good back up care so she's not completely tied down. I do appreciate you bringing up that point, because it is relevant to many in this situation. We've factored those cost changes into our decision to move.
Thanks again everyone for your insight and sharing your stories.
I also agree with trying new things locally first and we've really worked at that this year. We stayed put more this summer (we usually spend most summer weekends driving to the adirondack mountains 3-5 hrs away) and camped, hiked, tried to find swimming locally. There isn't any state wilderness here and the campgrounds were noisy, chaotic places. Lake Ontario had epic flooding but swimming has finally resumed. I cross country ski whenever I can and do enjoy outdoor skating rinks locally. I am a runner. I really do struggle with the winter blues and vowed to never make the moving decision in March. This choice is years in the making.
My in-laws, in their eighties, live an hour 1/2 away from everyone out in the sticks in a home that has been in their family for generations, and when they started going downhill, they would not leave. It forced my husband to have to stop working and go out there to live during the week, while his brother lives there on the weekends, and his brother has small children. They could have just as easily moved near us but they refused.
My mother-in-law died last year and now his father is in chemo every single day for two weeks out of the month, for leukemia, and blood transfusions, and will have to do this for the rest of his life. So not only does my husband have to live away from us, he has to drive his father an hour each way to the hospital and sit for hours while his father has his treatments. The other two weeks he is taking his father back and forth to get units of blood. He is also stuck mowing his many acres, fixing all the appliances that break down, etc., instead of his dad being near us and being able to take him to a doctor twenty minutes away and then being able to work.
I try my best not to say anything because that is what he chooses to do, but I am starting to really feel angry at his dad for doing this to the whole family. In my opinion, it's selfish.
I admire your husband. He dropped everything to go help his parents. That says a lot about him and his dedication to those he loves. I can see why he dropped his job. As long as your finances aren't suffering, he can always pick another one back up. I hope you can take the time to drive down and spend some time with him. I bet he wouldn't mind company at those doctor appointments. I bet he's hurting as much as his dad.
I hope the other siblings share in his burden because it is right now. Maybe they can hire someone to help out. Be thankful this is temporary. Your father-in-law won't live forever.
I admire your husband. He dropped everything to go help his parents. That says a lot about him and his dedication to those he loves. I can see why he dropped his job. As long as your finances aren't suffering, he can always pick another one back up. I hope you can take the time to drive down and spend some time with him. I bet he wouldn't mind company at those doctor appointments. I bet he's hurting as much as his dad.
I hope the other siblings share in his burden because it is right now. Maybe they can hire someone to help out. Be thankful this is temporary. Your father-in-law won't live forever.
Unfortunately, I work full-time so I can't get out there during the week, and yes, his brother helps out whenever he can, but he has a full-time job too, as does his sister. She moves around a lot for contracting jobs and she wants her dad put in a home. But I believe she feels bad that she can't be here to take care of him, and that would assuage her own guilt.
I am very grateful for the time we do have together, and yes, as far as I'm concerned, he is an angel here on earth. He is very good to his family. I have never said anything about my resentment and I never will. He made the choice, and as long as he can do it health-wise, I will support him.
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