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Are both you and your therapist operating from the same definition of 'quality of life'? Just curious on that one. I think you're being wise in considering their advice in contrast to your own wants/needs/desires and keeping those suggestions 'at an arms length' while you evaluate the choices that will impact you the most.
I have a thought question for you OP. Let's assume for a moment that you made friends easily and in any particular 'destination choice' the 'potential friend' population is large. So - in this made-up scenario, 'quality friendship obstacles' are not any concern at all for anyone. In this case, where would you choose to move, and what are some of the reasons you would find that particular choice appealing?
I don't think the therapist i used to see has the same definition of quality of life. I am pretty liberal and not racist plus i am not married nor do i have kids at age 38 so i wouldn't really fit in in mobile. I think my therapist assumed i would fit in down there.
If making friends were no issue I would go any number of places and most of them still wouldn't be close to my family in Mobile. I would probably move to the west coast, if I had a better paying job. I used to live in the midwest and really liked it and also would consider going back there.
Is moving somewhere without a job lined up a bad idea even if you have savings?
Just wondering. I would try to line up a job before moving but i don't have any specialized skills and currently work in a warehouse so i don't think anyone would hire me for a job out of state before i could move there. I am thinking of moving next year if i can save money (maybe). I don' t think i would be able to save more than like $2000 . I feel like i could probably get some kind of job quickly wherever i went. Hourly jobs shouldn't be too hard to find.
Because they assume that the quality of my life would be better by being near them, but I don't think that is true
It's pretty funny that your therapist doesn't even know your family but thinks you would be better moving near to them. You may want to consider a different therapist if this one isn't hearing you when you say you don't want to live near them.
I would never move to be close to my family or DH's family who, by sheer coincidence, live about 60 miles away from mine. Just shoot me now.
It's pretty funny that your therapist doesn't even know your family but thinks you would be better moving near to them. You may want to consider a different therapist if this one isn't hearing you when you say you don't want to live near them.
I would never move to be close to my family or DH's family who, by sheer coincidence, live about 60 miles away from mine. Just shoot me now.
I no longer go to that therapist, but i still go to a psychiatrist who thinks that way too and i am considering getting rid of her too. She tries to push me way too hard to move back to where my family is everytime i see her.
Because they assume that the quality of my life would be better by being near them, but I don't think that is true
On what grounds? Do they think family stabilizes you, will be a support system (emotional or financially or both), will keep you from being lonely, what? And when they make those arguments, do you explain to them what you told us here about why you think that is not necessarily true? I'm just wondering if you're not telling them your side of the story, or if you are and they're either disregarding it, or have reason to think that the other aspects they think would be beneficial would override those things-- obviously this is someone who knows you and your inner workings and such better than we do here, and would be better poised to understand how all of that works together before giving advice. And only you know if this is someone who would be working with your best interests at heart, or if they don't really know you and/or are just dispensing a boilerplate piece of advice they give to everyone regardless of circumstances. But it bears some honest thought.
Move someplace they want to visit, and they'll show up.
I got lots of visitors when I lived in San Francisco and Hawaii. I bet NYC and LA would be popular with visitors, too.
I was surprised my family never once visited me when I lived in Moab, UT--- a world-class recreation area surrounded by 5 national parks, mountain-biking and hiking parallel to none.
I visited them in SoCal instead, so I guess they never bothered. So when we moved overseas, I knew it would be no different. They're never coming down here and I'm OK with that. We are close and get along well, but not THAT close, I guess.
I mentioned in a different thread that my psychiatrist thinks I need to move back near my family. I also have had therapists in the past mention the same thing. I grew up in Mobile alabama and I'm not so certain I wanna return. I currently live just outside Atlanta. I like it here but been thinking of moving because I don't really have anything keeping me here and it's getting too expensive to rent here.
Mobile is ok but I can't see myself going back there and settling down although my family would love it if I did. I'm not sure where I would go but there are not too many cities within driving distance that would interest me. But then if I go to another city I would be alone and it is hard for me to make close friends. I would like to be able to live life for me without my family trying to pressure or control me and I don't think I could do that if I was living in the same town...plus I value my space and alone time at times.
Have you looked at some of the beach towns where there are events? Fairhope, AL is close to Mobile but not too close.
Just wondering. I would try to line up a job before moving but i don't have any specialized skills and currently work in a warehouse so i don't think anyone would hire me for a job out of state before i could move there. I am thinking of moving next year if i can save money (maybe). I don' t think i would be able to save more than like $2000 . I feel like i could probably get some kind of job quickly wherever i went. Hourly jobs shouldn't be too hard to find.
Most likely, you'll blow through that $2000 in a flash. You have to consider what it may cost for housing (initially, some sort of lodging), then to establish longer term housing (deposits, first/last month's rent, paying deposits to establish new utilities) and support yourself (meals, gas, etc) for very long at all. Then there's the cost of the move itself, unless you don't plan to bring anything except what will fit in your car. If you move out of state there will be fees to re-license your car, change ID, possibly switch insurance policies. I think you need to at least research the demand for your current job skills (so you can grab hold of a living wage as soon as possible) in the new location before deciding to move there. If you don't land something with a livable wage very quickly you'll be broke.
Last edited by Parnassia; 06-12-2021 at 02:07 PM..
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Is moving somewhere without a job lined up a bad idea even if you have savings?
