Newly out, gay young professional needs advice on relocating (fit in, insurance)

[Cowboys fan in Houston]

Originally Posted by wills7711

What have you heard?

Im not gay, but I have many friends who are and who live here in the Dallas area. I can attest to the fact that the gay scene in Dallas is extremely vibrant. The night life is very extensive and offers a lot for a person who is gay.

All my friends who are gay and live here love it.

[wills7711]

Originally Posted by 007jamesbond

It looks like Denver, Colorado could be a good place for you. Fort Lauderdale, Florida is pretty cool though. It really just depends on how you feel about weather. Do you prefer 4 seasons of weather or would you rather be in a place that has year-round warm weather? Would you rather be up in the mountains skiing or relaxing on a beach?

I like the idea of Denver. From what I've read it seems to be the place for young professionals. Serious jobs and work but there's always fun to be had. I need fun in my life again. I just don't know much about the people there.

I know absolutely nothing about Ft. Lauderdale and I've never been south of Orlando. I really want to find some people who've been, lived, or know someone there. Coastal Florida would be a good compromise for my not wanting to be too close to California family.

[wills7711]

Originally Posted by LovinDecatur

Yes, I know plenty of gay men here in Atlanta that dont fit the tired old stereotypes. My brother is gay; he and his partner are into golf, bowling, you name it.
BTW, gay sports leagues are a big deal here, especially bowling, rugby and softball.
I wish you all the luck in this step of your journey!

You're originally from Atlanta? And your brother has never thought about leaving?

Unfortunately when I was there I lived with my brother and so I never experienced too much of the city aside from attending gaudy parties with his executive friends trying to set me up with rich MILFs.

[Iconographer]

Originally Posted by wills7711

You're originally from Atlanta? And your brother has never thought about leaving?

Unfortunately when I was there I lived with my brother and so I never experienced too much of the city aside from attending gaudy parties with his executive friends trying to set me up with rich MILFs.

So much more to it than that. It has a major gay community. My brother did live in Minneapolis for a while, but missed it here.

www.gay-atlanta.com

[wills7711]

Originally Posted by Chicago60614

Of course, I'm one of them, so are most of my gay friends. No one ever really knew and I always had to go out of my way to tell people and get the "oh wow, really?". Of course in Chicago there are tons of gays so it wasn't a big deal or anything. Maybe it's just where you're from that people would think it was a joke - not many gay people?

I would say a majority of the gay people I know are very straight acting and no one assumes or thinks they're gay except those they've told. You only see the very flamboyant ones that EVERYONE knows are gay and then everyone just assumes that's "how they all act".

A large majority of gay people are out around straight people 24 hours a day flying under the radar unless they're a friend/coworker or there's a connection there that you'd happen to know they're gay.

Yeah, I know what you're saying. When I visit people in other cities it's more of a "through the grapevine" or "through association" thing. Like I find out someone else is gay from their friend or something who says, "oh wow, you should meet ____, he's gay." That seems to be the only way I'm meeting people. I actually just can't keep gay friends in general. And I've never really tried because I think it's too hard lol!

And yeah, where I am now there's not a lot of gays at all. If they are, they're older - 50s. There are some local, small private colleges but they're religious and there's maybe like 10 total. None really worth it.

And it's not that they think I'm playing a prank or something. It's just no one can really take it seriously. Like an attractive, varsity college sports team captain who does all these other things can't possibly like boys. Well, I mean, I waited until after college to even say anything because I just couldn't have done it in college. I'm regretful I didn't, but I knew the repercussions would've been devastating.

So in finding a city where I can get a job I like and have a good life, I want to be able to start on a fresh page with relationships. To go somewhere no one knows who I am. Find people who aren't caught up in the pretentiousness.

[wills7711]

Originally Posted by peterlemonjello

Im not gay, but I have many friends who are and who live here in the Dallas area. I can attest to the fact that the gay scene in Dallas is extremely vibrant. The night life is very extensive and offers a lot for a person who is gay.

All my friends who are gay and live here love it.

Thanks! Dallas has definitely been in the back of my mind for a while. I think at this point it's just a matter of making sure I'm not overlooking other options.

What would you say are good, safe, but affordable areas to live?

[wills7711]

Originally Posted by LovinDecatur

So much more to it than that. It has a major gay community. My brother did live in Minneapolis for a while, but missed it here.

Oh, no. I'm really sorry - I think that came out wrong. I didn't mean he hasn't left yet because he hates it. I meant that he never thought about it because he loves it so much and it's never crossed his mind.

I'll admit, it's hard to not cross it off the list just because I've been there before and couldn't see myself ever living there. But I know it's a good place to be. I just need to be more open to it. But first, I need to look into the other places I know nothing about.

Thanks so much for your help!

PS - do you mind me asking how old he is? A range will work fine.

[Iconographer]

Originally Posted by wills7711

Oh, no. I'm really sorry - I think that came out wrong. I didn't mean he hasn't left yet because he hates it. I meant that he never thought about it because he loves it so much and it's never crossed his mind.

I'll admit, it's hard to not cross it off the list just because I've been there before and couldn't see myself ever living there. But I know it's a good place to be. I just need to be more open to it. But first, I need to look into the other places I know nothing about.

Thanks so much for your help!

PS - do you mind me asking how old he is? A range will work fine.

Hes 55. But the community here crosses all ages.

[rranger]

Originally Posted by wills7711

*I've done a lot of research and have taken a lot of online quizzes. These are all cities rated in one way or another top cities young professionals are relocating to, "best" gay cities, affordable COL, active cities, etc.

Ruled out:
San Fran/Oakland -> a bit "too much" LGBTQ for me. Also, been to San Fran and hate the fog and weather patterns
Boston, Philly, Chicago, Springfield, Providence, New Haven, Ithaca, Ann Arbor, Grand Rapids, Detroit, NYC -> have either been to these places and hate them, or hate the weather or just don't want to be there
Pittsburgh (downtown) -> closest to home now. I LOVE this place but this defeats the purpose of getting away even if I move downtown :-/

I'll just focus my comments/questions on this portion of your post. Help me understand what about these places represents a problem for you that Pittsburgh doesn't. The Boston .... NYC list has weather comparable to Pgh though - in a number of cases - without the wrist-slashing perpetual grayness that pervades Pgh from November to March (you KNOW what I'm talking about, and I know it all too well).

If you want to stay in Pgh, why not just do it? It sounds like that's the best option for you though, I must say, I don't think the Shadyside scene is one of the more friendly and open I've experienced. And, that may be what you're experiencing in meeting "guys who like guys." BTW: There are gay men like you everywhere, FWIW, and I used to be one myself, before I realized that affection doesn't define the person. People can smell judgment a mile away ... just keep that in mind and you'll be fine.

[wills7711]

Originally Posted by rranger

I'll just focus my comments/questions on this portion of your post. Help me understand what about these places represents a problem for you that Pittsburgh doesn't. The Boston .... NYC list has weather comparable to Pgh though - in a number of cases - without the wrist-slashing perpetual grayness that pervades Pgh from November to March (you KNOW what I'm talking about, and I know it all too well).

If you want to stay in Pgh, why not just do it? It sounds like that's the best option for you though, I must say, I don't think the Shadyside scene is one of the more friendly and open I've experienced. And, that may be what you're experiencing in meeting "guys who like guys."

LMAO spot on description *claps*

The biggest difference in comparing those NE coastal cities to Pgh is that I don't feel my finding a job there will be as easy. When I visited Boston (albeit several years ago), there wasn't much I liked about it. I do love NYC, but the COL is a huge factor and I'm pretty positive the job scenario will be bleakest there. Not to mention, I don't think I would actually like living there. Maybe more just for visiting. Who knows.

Here's the thing... it's not that I want to stay in Pittsburgh. I'm just justifying it in some way because it's the city I've liked the most.
And it's the best method of comparison to other places:
- I love the people (unlike Boston, Philly, Cleveland...)
- Sports: NHL, NFL, MLB all *right there*, now a soccer too but whatever
- Concerts and random events/festivals/city parties
- Job market right in my field with lots of hiring
- Universities for CEUs and classes if I pursue a PhD at some point

That's the stuff I like. There are bad things too:
- The wrist-slashing grays with 4 hours of sun for 1/3 of the year
- "Sectioned off" areas and boroughs make it kind of cliquey
- Pollution
- It can actually be boring despite all that LOL

And, I've never actually done one single gay thing there. But I hear it's more for the college crowd. Aaaaand I'm not really sure it would give me the satisfaction of feeling like I've "left" or "moved on."

Originally Posted by rranger

BTW: There are gay men like you everywhere, FWIW, and I used to be one myself, before I realized that affection doesn't define the person. People can smell judgment a mile away ... just keep that in mind and you'll be fine.

What did you mean by this. You lost me :-/