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Wait, what's wrong with saying "I'll let you go", or "I'll let you get going" when you're ready to end a conversation? I was born and raised in MN, so maybe I'm naive, but it doesn't seem very hostile whatsoever to me. To me it says "I'm respecting your time and I get the sense that you need to get somewhere or you don't have any desire to continue this discussion, so I'll let you get going and cut this conversation short". Seems polite to me, but then again, I have a different spin on it.
For the record, I'm not a typical Minnesotan at all. By "typical", I mean: not Scandanavian, not originally Protestant (Polish Catholic upbringing, but am Episcopal now, so that's technically Protestant), parents grew up in different states, never owned a boat or cabin, never played organized hockey, and don't have a Minnesota accent.
What is wrong with saying that is it conveys to the other person that you are making the decision for them as to when the conversation should end. As if they aren't getting a say in the matter. Maybe they want to add something more but you have stopped them. It also sounds as if you feel you have been keeping them against their will. To me that's what passive-aggressive means; when someone puts the decision or action onto someone else because they don't want to take responsibility for it.
Why not just say "I'm sorry, I have to get going now" or something along those lines? Why put it on them? If you want to see the person again, tell them so. That way they will know you simply have to leave and that's certainly a valid reason to end the conversation without second guessing as to whether or not they want to continue. After all, you are the one who wants to end the conversation.
To me someone saying "I'll let you go now" is pretty presumptuous and just a little insulting.
Using only the behavior of specific individuals I've encountered, interacted with or just seen commenting on CD forums as the criteria for passive-aggressiveness, the winning states are Colorado, Arizona & Florida. All 3 states have standout p-a posters that I've encountered but by far the one single most p-a personality on CD has been from Colorado.
To be truthful, in some ways his behavior here mimics aspects of my suburban Denver step sister's personality.
Oregon is generally known for the passive-aggressive attitudes of people, but you really hit the peak of passive-aggressiveness in Portland, especially if you're from California
Oregon is generally known for the passive-aggressive attitudes of people, but you really hit the peak of passive-aggressiveness in Portland, especially if you're from California
I'm an Oregon native and my parents are from California, so I guess this explains my attitude towards my parents as a teenager then?
But yeah, we are terribly passive-aggressive here in the Northwest. Not just the natives, but many of the transplants, too. I feel our social interactions and communications tend to be very subtle and layered and indirect, so we can't just wear any aggressiveness on our sleeve as that's just not considered comely behavior.
It's much the same in Washington as Oregon, as mentioned. I've heard of it in Minnesota (no personal experience), and also in the "Old" South. I have found Southern Californians to be closer to the East Coast in terms of aggressive behavior--it seems more socially acceptable to just be flat out aggressive rather than channel that aggression into a less direct form like we tend to do up here.
Yeah, I don't understand that one, either. People don't say the same thing in other parts of the country? How that could be misconstrued as being rude, I have no idea.
Because you're talking for *them* instead of saying what *you* want. I'm from the Northeast and I have been living in KC for almost six years, and I don't think I'll ever get used to the passive tone. Likewise, I'm seen as being snobbish or difficult because I hate playing fake nice to people I don't know. What Midwesterners see as pleasantries I see as lacking sincerity. But, just like any place, you can find your "tribe", so to speak - people with similar values, quirks, etc.
I would agree regarding the South, especially if one comes to realize what the term "well bless your heart" really means.
Depends on where in the south.
I found people of Georgia to be by far the most passive aggressive and fake nice people I have ever met in my life. Very friendly to you one week and the next week, pretend like they don't even know you.
On the other hand, I found people of Texas to be very direct and straightforward.
I found that people in Tennessee, South Carolina, and North Carolina were also very genuine with their kindness and often ignored you when they didn't like you, unlike people of Georgia who were always playing the fake nice card.
I found people of Georgia to be by far the most passive aggressive and fake nice people I have ever met in my life. Very friendly to you one week and the next week, pretend like they don't even know you.
On the other hand, I found people of Texas to be very direct and straightforward.
I found that people in Tennessee, South Carolina, and North Carolina were also very genuine with their kindness and often ignored you when they didn't like you, unlike people of Georgia who were always playing the fake nice card.
The south is the definition of fake nice.
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