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Location: Appalachian New York, Formerly Louisiana
4,409 posts, read 6,545,770 times
Reputation: 6253
The south isn't friendlier it has just held itself to a different standard of public interaction.
People are more likely to betray you in the south, in my experience. Smile to your face and talk about you when you aren't around.
People in the north are more genuine. If we have no interest in you, you know it. If we are friendly and chatty, you know it. Nearly no second guessing involved. You get what you see up here and I prefer that. No need to bandy about some fake warmth for show.
As for cheaper, it all depends. Taxes are definitely higher in the northern states buuuuut I found that income/cost of living ratios really didn't make the south much looser. Cost of living is lower, but so is pay.
Listen - people in the south consider being friendly as being polite. It doesn't mean they want to be your friend, or make out with you or have your babies - they are just being POLITE when they are friendly. They're not being two faced. They're not studying "betraying you." It's true, they may NOT have any interest in you personally, but they also don''t expect you to THINK that they do just because they smiled at you or chatted with you in the check out line. They aren't trying to be "fake" as I often hear people from other regions accuse Southerners of - they are simply being what they consider to be courteous.
So my advice to you, CookieSkoon, and others of your mindset, is that when a southerner you don't know well is being friendly toward you, just remind yourself that they're simply being polite. Which in my humble opinion beats the hell out of being subjected to rudeness.
The south isn't friendlier it has just held itself to a different standard of public interaction.
People are more likely to betray you in the south, in my experience. Smile to your face and talk about you when you aren't around.
People in the north are more genuine. If we have no interest in you, you know it. If we are friendly and chatty, you know it. Nearly no second guessing involved. You get what you see up here and I prefer that. No need to bandy about some fake warmth for show.
As for cheaper, it all depends. Taxes are definitely higher in the northern states buuuuut I found that income/cost of living ratios really didn't make the south much looser. Cost of living is lower, but so is pay.
There is no paradise.
People in the North are not any more genuine. They just don't have a strong sense of manners, compared to the South. In all my life, I have never been made fun of for my speech issues until I my time in the North. Not only did I get mocked, I got mocked by full-grown, middle-aged adults in public. To make matters worse, NOT 1 person stood up for me on any of the four different times it happened (all in the span of ~1 year from different people). Yeah, I could REALLY sense that no one had any interest (besides those who just watched it happen or I overheard talking about as they walked away), no second guessing involved.
Even assuming Southerners are fake, which I disagree with, I'll take that over the North's version of being "genuine." Oh, you genuinely think it's funny that I have a speech impairment? I'd prefer it if you kept it to yourself.
Location: Appalachian New York, Formerly Louisiana
4,409 posts, read 6,545,770 times
Reputation: 6253
Quote:
Originally Posted by Parhe
People in the North are not any more genuine. They just don't have a strong sense of manners, compared to the South. In all my life, I have never been made fun of for my speech issues until I my time in the North. Not only did I get mocked, I got mocked by full-grown, middle-aged adults in public. To make matters worse, NOT 1 person stood up for me on any of the four different times it happened (all in the span of ~1 year from different people). Yeah, I could REALLY sense that no one had any interest (besides those who just watched it happen or I overheard talking about as they walked away), no second guessing involved.
Even assuming Southerners are fake, which I disagree with, I'll take that over the North's version of being "genuine." Oh, you genuinely think it's funny that I have a speech impairment? I'd prefer it if you kept it to yourself.
Well at least you knew that those people were jerks, right? Didn't take you months to find out that they were mocking you in private.
Genuine jerks. At least you knew right away.
Now me? I'd never make fun of you. I know a lot of people who wouldn't. I'm sorry that happened.
By the by, when I lived in Louisiana fully grown middle aged people gave me hell for being a "Yankee". So guess what, southerners are jerks too. It just took me until after I thought we were cool to find out.
It's not that there aren't bad people and good people in both regions, it's how obvious it is that's different.
Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon
Oh brother.
Listen - people in the south consider being friendly as being polite. It doesn't mean they want to be your friend, or make out with you or have your babies - they are just being POLITE when they are friendly. They're not being two faced. They're not studying "betraying you." It's true, they may NOT have any interest in you personally, but they also don''t expect you to THINK that they do just because they smiled at you or chatted with you in the check out line. They aren't trying to be "fake" as I often hear people from other regions accuse Southerners of - they are simply being what they consider to be courteous.
So my advice to you, CookieSkoon, and others of your mindset, is that when a southerner you don't know well is being friendly toward you, just remind yourself that they're simply being polite. Which in my humble opinion beats the hell out of being subjected to rudeness.
Polite is fine. I don't think there's a lot of honesty though. I prefer when people are just themselves, warts and all.
If somebody is rude, they'd better be rude. That way everybody knows they are rude. Makes it easier to find the genuinely nice people.
Also it probably shocks people to death but, politeness exists in the north too. As well rudeness in the south. There are always exceptions even to my rule.
I am talking in generalizations here so don't think what I am saying applies to every single person from wherever. In general, however, this has been my experience.
I don't hate the south, I don't even resent it. I am going to be forward about the reality though: the south is simply not nicer. Just different.
Neither area is nicer or meaner than the other. It's just that the south has better manners, whereas the northeast is more direct and blunt. Neither is bad. Both can be refreshing at times for someone like me who grew up in the mid-Atlantic and its schizo ways.
If you really want to contrast the two regions, you could say that the south is, by and large, WAY more laid back than northeastern cities. But that doesn't mean they're nicer down south. It just means they're less likely to be stressed out and in a rush all the time.
Well at least you knew that those people were jerks, right? Didn't take you months to find out that they were mocking you in private.
Genuine jerks. At least you knew right away.
Now me? I'd never make fun of you. I know a lot of people who wouldn't. I'm sorry that happened.
By the by, when I lived in Louisiana fully grown middle aged people gave me hell for being a "Yankee". So guess what, southerners are jerks too. It just took me until after I thought we were cool to find out.
It's not that there aren't bad people and good people in both regions, it's how obvious it is that's different.
Polite is fine. I don't think there's a lot of honesty though. I prefer when people are just themselves, warts and all.
If somebody is rude, they'd better be rude. That way everybody knows they are rude. Makes it easier to find the genuinely nice people.
Also it probably shocks people to death but, politeness exists in the north too. As well rudeness in the south. There are always exceptions even to my rule.
I am talking in generalizations here so don't think what I am saying applies to every single person from wherever. In general, however, this has been my experience.
I don't hate the south, I don't even resent it. I am going to be forward about the reality though: the south is simply not nicer. Just different.
It's okay to be criticized, you know.
It's not so much being dishonest as it is about finding nicer ways to say unpleasant things.
"Your butt looks huge in that red dress" vs "Why don't you wear the blue dress instead, it brings out your eyes"
Location: Appalachian New York, Formerly Louisiana
4,409 posts, read 6,545,770 times
Reputation: 6253
Quote:
Originally Posted by DubbleT
It's not so much being dishonest as it is about finding nicer ways to say unpleasant things.
"Your butt looks huge in that red dress" vs "Why don't you wear the blue dress instead, it brings out your eyes"
Yeah but if the red dress makes my butt look awful I'd prefer to know. Otherwise I might go out with a case of awful butt someday!
I suppose I am just a person who prefers the truth even if harsh.
Yeah but if the red dress makes my butt look awful I'd prefer to know. Otherwise I might go out with a case of awful butt someday!
I suppose I am just a person who prefers the truth even if harsh.
There is still a nice way to say the truth. And the truth isn't very much help with something that I have very little to no control over (I have been working on it long term and have made improvements) and I am very much aware of.
As for friendly people talking behind your back, that's found throughout the US. Kind of like the movie "Mean Girls;" there are "nice people" throughout the nation who will talk bad behind your back, and they aren't exactly rare anywhere.
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