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What it comes down to is the difference between exposure and saturation. And I agree with the OP that the problem is Grandmother won't respect the desired boundaries.
If it was only discussing what Gramma believes and understanding it, seeing it...I'd have no problem - and I'm an atheist. I find it enlightening to let children know more than what their parents are willing to participate in, as long as it is not a dangerous activity or against the core principles of the unit. My parents are Xian...they pray at the table and celebrate holidays. I explained this to my daughter and she understands not everybody believes the same things. So, no issues.
But if my mother was adamant that daughter be baptized (threatening to), attend church or participate in her religion, to the point of an argument, no matter what my parental opinion was...there would be no more unsupervised visitation and limited exposure if at all.
Now, THIS IS NOT AN ATTACK: one thing I am uncomfortable with is the guilt angle...no matter what the relationship or terms of agreement, a family member watching your children for you is a great favor. It might be leverage to pull behaviors back in line, but it comes across in writing as...well...I think we all know what you mean by what you say. It just isn't coming out in the most appropriate way. The "we have to move because", that's what I'm getting at.
I would stick to the TRUST argument, as in, you can't trust her because she will not honor you with any respect. Which is tired and I'm sorry for you. When I first read your story, all I could think is, "crap...that sucks." Pardon.
Can you turn that around so that she can see how it would make her feel? Or is she just so absorbed that the situation has gone beyond that point?
Oh, Suzie...some ministers will baptize a child without the parent's consent, but I think we're getting pretty far outside the mainstream when we go there.
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