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Sadly I've seen too many kids growing up like this in my life. I have to say though that it's not always confined to the poor. I had a friend when I was in my late teens who was from a very affluent family and to get back at her parents for her "messed up" childhood she would break into houses and steal. She even broke into her own parents house and stole from them, she was never caught because she was not the "usual suspect". Put her against some neglected poor kid and most people would say the poor kid did it. This is not an isolated incident, I had two room mates in Canberra who were both from wealthy families and thought it was great fun to go out shoplifting. I couldn't do it and I came from a much poorer background. They weren't doing it because they couldn't buy the things they wanted, they did it for the thrill.
While I'll agree that the vast majority of criminals are bred in the situation you describe, it's not always the case and is a stereotype that can be unfair to a kid who was born disadvantaged from the start. These kids grow up angry at the world that just doesn't seem to care about them and react accordingly. The world looks down on them as potential criminals, they grow up becoming what is expected of them.
There are programs here like Barnardos (originated in the UK, I think) where kids in poverty are given a couple of weeks in a fun, caring environment during school holidays where they get to enjoy activities and sports that they would not normally be subject to. They do much more than this (for example, education scholarships) and really make a difference in these communities. I know of one in Sydney and it is a largely charitable organisation. Perhaps more organisations like this would help the situation. All in all it would be better to help these kids as much as possible as early as possible, create and get behind such projects as a community and make a difference for the future. I'm sure there would be similar organisations in your communities, why not devote a little spare time or money to one of them? Above all else these kids need to be shown that there is another option, and that someone cares.
I subleased my apartment waiting to get into a condo I bought. I rented a cheap 'extended stay' type hotel to live for 10 days.
First of all, I was SHOCKED at how many FAMILIES live in these places....all in one room. Imagine being a middle school kid sleeping in the same room as your parents.
Second of all, I was happy to see they had a loud (but nice) pool party going on when I got home from work today for these poor kids who are stuck growing up like this.
Then, as usually happens in these stressed out situations, a domestic violence situation took place at the pool. I heard the yelling....then I watched a young kid get stuck in the middle pleading with two parents to please stop all the embarrassment. Then, I watched the cops come to take the 'dad' away....as the child was screaming for them not to take 'her daddy away'.
I said all that to post this: ( and this REALLY did happen today....it isn't a story from TV)
Now, if this kid a couple of years from now ends up using drugs and breaking into my house in hopes of stealing an ipod or just anything so she has something......
am I supposed to blame her?
How can we possibly address this problem as a nation....and do we really care as much as we should? We can blame government or the schools or even the parents....but at the end of the day....where does our responsibility start? I'm so torn on this issue. I'm not a do-gooder....but today just made me cry.
growing up "poor"
and witnessing domestic violence/parents fighting
are two separate issues.
So what is the problem that you'd like to address?
Sleeping with the parents, I don't think is the major problem as much as absentee parents. Growing up with very little money in a loving family makes all the difference in the world.
Witnessing domestic violence (your mother getting her azz kicked by your father) doesn't hurt any less for a child in a family with lots of dough.
Oh good grief. Has no one here ever been poor? How wonderful it must be to be able to pontificate from a plateau of ignorance.
Poverty does not influence poor ethics or irresponsibility. Irresponsible people who insist on having children, and/or spending their time or money frivolously instead of on their children and progression as a family as well as individuals, i.e., self-indulgence, is what causes irresponsible behavior.
Everyone has choices. They make choices based on what they want - either immediate gratification or long-term happiness. Poor people understand this as well as the 'well-off'. The choices they make - and whether or not they learn from them - are what makes them ethical, responsible people.
Look, I was poor. When I left my abusive ex I lived in a house with no running water and no electricity. What did I do? I got a job. I worked my wazoo off (no child support of course) and raised my boys to be clean, honest, upright, and decent. I didn't go bar hopping every night looking for a good time. When I met DH, he married me, adopted the boys, and we struggled. My kids knew what it was like to have one change of clothes and one pair of shoes. Many nights they thought they were eating a meat casserole that only had a beef or chicken boullion cube in it. Many's the time we ate what we raised and grew in our back yard because there was nothing else. And NOT ONE OF OUR CHILDREN grew up to lie, cheat, or steal, or perform any criminal activity... mostly because they knew I would beat the crap out of them if they were ever even arrested. All three of them worked jobs at the age of 14, and all three of them put themselves through college.
People who choose to blow their money on luxuries and instant pleasures, who are never satisfied or happy, and blame it on everyone including their spouses and children, but EXCEPTING themsleves from all responsibility, are from all walks of life. The only difference is that the rich can afford better booze, better cars, better homes, and better lawyers.
Growing up poor in love is worse than growing up poor in money. Unfortunately in our (modern) society love often is replaced with money.
Besidez, to some of us it takes a lot of time to make a small amount of money while others freely choose to put a lot of their time into building a successful career instead of raising their children, so they try to 'buy' their child's love with drowning them in unnecessary (material) stuff.
Talk about pontificate about GROWING UP poor from a plateau of ignorance. You were a child bride? Growing up poor is different from making a bad chioce of husbands as a adult.Glad you got put of it but skip the lecture.
If the parents just screwed up their lives, I don't see a problem if they are hurt by the results of their poor decisions. Kids are another factor, they are not the ones who made any decision but suffer for the poor ones their families make. What are you going to do though? They have the right to raise their kids as they please, and unless it's an extremely dangerous situation those kids usually stay put.
Nothing to do with money, many kids who are poor grow up learning first hand hard work and value of their own independence...and honestly become more successful from their background.
They have the right to raise their kids as they please, and unless it's an extremely dangerous situation those kids usually stay put.
No, parents definately do not have the right to raise their children as they please, see the Fritzl case* where a father kept his daughter in a cellar and impregnated her with several children.
Quote:
*The Fritzl case emerged in April 2008 when a 42-year-old woman, Elisabeth Fritzl (born 6 April 1966), stated to police in the town of Amstetten in Austria that she had been held captive for 24 years in a concealed part of the basement of the family home by her father, Josef Fritzl (born 9 April 1935), and that he had physically assaulted, sexually abused, and raped her numerous times during her imprisonment. The incestuous relationship forced upon her by her father had resulted in the birth of seven children and one miscarriage.
Source: Fritzl case - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Originally Posted by subsound No they don't, see the Fritzl case* where a father kept his daughter in a cellar and impregnated her with several children.
That qualifies as an "extremely dangerous situation".
That qualifies as an "extremely dangerous situation".
Unfortunately incest and rape aren't always a life threatening situation.
And if children who are raised in that kind of environment aren't taught better they could 'learn' that incest and rape are completely 'normal'.
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Unfortunately in our (modern) society love often is replaced with money. 
Besidez, to some of us it takes a lot of time to make a small amount of money while others freely choose to put a lot of their time into building a successful career instead of raising their children, so they try to 'buy' their child's love with drowning them in unnecessary (material) stuff.
No, parents definately do not have the right to raise their children as they please, see the Fritzl case* where a father kept his daughter in a cellar and impregnated her with several children.
