Be a Man! (drug, wisdom, financial, education)

[Pandamonium]

Can you define what it is to be a man?

Do we have a set criteria on what it is to be a man?

When we say that boys need a male role model to teach them how to be men, what do we mean?


I am looking for something beyond men and women are wired differently.

[ulnevrwalkalone]

You are a man when you are self sufficient enough to take care of yourself and those you hold dear. And your means of becoming self sufficient financially should be of unquestionably good moral standing (ie no drug dealing, gambling etc). But self sufficient also means you do not go to someone else to help with all your problems, you must be able to do things on your own too, like change a tire, set up a home theatre, cook over a flame (BBQ) etc. Basically if a problem arises and your first reaction is how you yourself can fix it and not who you should ask for help, you are on the right path.

PS I am no where near this standard and currently consider myself at the level of Man-Child

[harry chickpea]

I think the definition is set by the advertisers. You are a man if you use a manly soap, use a manly deodorant, shave with a manly shaver, drive a manly car, and eat enough manly foods that you can take manly dumps.

[SCGranny]

I have been married to a man for 26 years. A man is courageous without being a showoff or demanding credit for his actions, protective of small and weaker creatures, honest, and unafraid to be either alone or in a group. A man takes on the challenges of life and faces them without running home to whomever; but he also is not shy about going to help those in need. A man is completely satisfied with himself and doesn't aspire to be something he is not. He learns and knows himself and is proud of what he is and does without making others feel unequal. A man teaches when he can, learns all he can, and never stops growing, learning, or experiencing and enjoying life. Most importantly, a man is not afraid to let other men or even women be equal to him, or even better than him, in some things -he knows he cannot do everything by himself and isn't afraid of 'losing his masculinity' by having a woman do things he either can - or cannot -do. A man can cook a meal, clean a house, kill and butcher a deer, fix an engine, bathe and change a baby, thread a needle and sew, build a house, plow and harvest a garden, tame a wild horse or child, deliver a calf, play a game without losing his temper or gloating, and comfort the crying. A man is not afraid to be afraid, and not so insecure that he cannot overcome his fears and push forward.

Gosh, I'm lucky, hunh?

[subsound]

Usually t means being an adult, with all the responsibilities, expectations, and wisdom that are part of it. Which has nothing to do with physical age.

[the one]

i agree, a man is someone who sees an injustice or a problem and tries to make it right. he is respectful, intelligent, honorable and responsible, accepting and easy going. hard working also.

did i mention honest and loyal yet? well that too.
oh and a penis... or do you need a penis to be consided a man? sorry for the biological determinism.

but these traits/characterisitcs are not limited to men. women can have these as well(not the penis part, which they can put thats a different thread). i think it comes down to being a good person, and that makes a good role model.

[colleeng47]

Originally Posted by SCGranny

I have been married to a man for 26 years. A man is courageous without being a showoff or demanding credit for his actions, protective of small and weaker creatures, honest, and unafraid to be either alone or in a group. A man takes on the challenges of life and faces them without running home to whomever; but he also is not shy about going to help those in need. A man is completely satisfied with himself and doesn't aspire to be something he is not. He learns and knows himself and is proud of what he is and does without making others feel unequal. A man teaches when he can, learns all he can, and never stops growing, learning, or experiencing and enjoying life. Most importantly, a man is not afraid to let other men or even women be equal to him, or even better than him, in some things -he knows he cannot do everything by himself and isn't afraid of 'losing his masculinity' by having a woman do things he either can - or cannot -do. A man can cook a meal, clean a house, kill and butcher a deer, fix an engine, bathe and change a baby, thread a needle and sew, build a house, plow and harvest a garden, tame a wild horse or child, deliver a calf, play a game without losing his temper or gloating, and comfort the crying. A man is not afraid to be afraid, and not so insecure that he cannot overcome his fears and push forward.

Gosh, I'm lucky, hunh?

Excellent post!

32 years ago when dh and I got married, I told him it was his job to "slay the dragons" in our marriage, and I would do everything else. Many times over the years I would look at him and say "dragon", which was his cue to roll up his sleeves and DO IT. There have been times when "dragon" was changing the diaper on the baby, or the tire on the car. It depended.

I like SCGranny's definition of a man. DH pretty much fits that scenario. I hope I can say the same of my son when he finishes maturing. He's 19 now and pretty full of himself.

[Shawn_E30]

A man will get'er done! I keed.

[stycotl]

Originally Posted by ulnevrwalkalone

You are a man when you are self sufficient enough to take care of yourself and those you hold dear. And your means of becoming self sufficient financially should be of unquestionably good moral standing (ie no drug dealing, gambling etc). But self sufficient also means you do not go to someone else to help with all your problems, you must be able to do things on your own too, like change a tire, set up a home theatre, cook over a flame (BBQ) etc. Basically if a problem arises and your first reaction is how you yourself can fix it and not who you should ask for help, you are on the right path.

PS I am no where near this standard and currently consider myself at the level of Man-Child

you are on the right track, but in my opinion, you have narrowed this down too much. what might pass for a man in one culture does not work so well in the next. mostly, the qualities overlap. but you defined it in terms of skills and in some cases, hobbies, which is entirely too subjective to give an accurate description of what makes a man a man.

consider the different cultures of america as an example. in rural america, a manly skill might be roping cattle or motocross racing. not too many city boys know how to do either of those. at the same time though, the cowboy is generally going to be overshadowed by the city boy in something like basketball or boxing.

then, leaving the context of american cultures completely, every culture and subculture in the world has different ideals of manliness as far as skillsets go, from sailing to spear-fishing, to cliff diving, to taking care of the kids.

in order to address this question, i think that it is important to differentiate between manliness and machismo. a real man is responsible and dedicated, as noted in granny's post above. but dedicated to what? can a computer programmer be a real man even though he probably doesn't ride bulls or fix cars. what about the rice farmer or the architect?

certainly he can. if he is a good man to his family, honest, dilligent, not afraid of getting his hands dirty, compassionate to others, then i submit that he is a real man, and more of a man than any of the posers out there that spit tobacco and bench press automobiles, but can't simultaneously hold a job for longer than a week.

where this computer programmer and others would not measure up is the image of machismo that we have, the fake manliness. the difference is fairly large, but strangely, society has broken down the line that separates the two traits, and worse, our society worships the fake manliness. just look at who our celebrities are. many of them hardly pass as human anymore, much less a real man or woman.

for those interested in a religious view of what real manliness is, i read a book that i enjoyed that explains how modern christianity has missed the mark. it is called 'wild at heart.' i don't agree with everything that it says, but there are a lot of interesting insights into our (american) culture's idea of masculinity.

aaron out.

[dcashley]

Don't forget a man must be able to deal with those of less moral standards, less education, less status and maintain his dignity while improving the life of others.