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Old 10-04-2012, 04:04 AM
 
Location: Ostend,Belgium....
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see, when you know someone well, you know how to take it it's the people we don't know too well that we take what they say to heart and think the worst...I know it's not easy to think the best when you feel so bad.
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Old 10-04-2012, 06:34 AM
 
Location: Tri-State Area
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It's better this way. I mean, if you have nothing good to say, keep your trap shut.

He/She would have wanted it this way - coming from a person who hadn't talked, visited or even mailed a holiday card to in over 25 years, then has the gall to show up at the memorial.
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Old 10-04-2012, 08:39 AM
 
Location: South Carolina
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when I was a young widow everyone used to tell me Oh you will find someone else , I could not think of a more inapropriate thing to say to someone so young , I was only 32 when I became a young widow . so if any of you
think of saying that to a young person who has lost a spouse please refrain from doing so .
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Old 10-04-2012, 08:43 AM
 
Location: Dallas
5,459 posts, read 4,575,985 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dizzybint View Post
Sometimes it's what some dont say.... I remember going back to the factory where I worked when my aunt who brought me up died less than a year after her husband. my head was all over the place as I was only 17, and full of heartache.. dread, guilt and Im ashamed to say it, selfishness, that they had both left me..... but what puzzled me were the people in the workplace who carried on talking to me as if nothing had happened, I felt they didnt care or share what I was going through.. it might have been not to upset me, but why do some people cross the street and avoid people when theres been a bereavement, thats when true caring people are needed...
Some people just don't know what to say, and so they say nothing. And some people just don't care about someone else's loss if it doesn't affect them. Sad, but true.
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Old 10-04-2012, 11:17 AM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
22,700 posts, read 21,741,083 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by phonelady61 View Post
when I was a young widow everyone used to tell me Oh you will find someone else , I could not think of a more inapropriate thing to say to someone so young , I was only 32 when I became a young widow . so if any of you
think of saying that to a young person who has lost a spouse please refrain from doing so .
"Oh you will find someone else"

As if that makes everything better.
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Old 10-04-2012, 02:31 PM
 
2,890 posts, read 5,152,172 times
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Raised as a Christian, I do believe in the power of prayer.

I was in my 20's when my father was diagnosed with cancer. A well-meaning coworker told me to pray, emphasizing that miracles do happen. So when my dad died, I second guessed a lot of things. Did I not believe enough, did I not pray enough?

As a mature adult, I can accept that death is a part of life and understand that it frees beings from their pain - and that is a miracle in itself.
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Old 10-04-2012, 02:35 PM
 
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Originally Posted by aquietpath View Post
Some people just don't know what to say, and so they say nothing.
And then there is me, in my 20s. I lost my Dad a few months before my boss lost his dad. When I found out he lost his dad, I ran up to him with tears in my eyes, gave him a big hug and blurted out, "I'm so sorry, it just sucks." Fortunately, he understood what I intended.
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Old 10-04-2012, 03:11 PM
 
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The expression "I'm sorry for your loss," is so shallow for me. Losing someone you love is not like misplacing your keys or leaving your coffee cup on the roof of your car. This was a person with a name.

I'd rather hear, "I'm sorry about your Dad," or "It's so sad to hear about your friend Joey."
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Old 10-04-2012, 04:02 PM
 
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Did they do an autopsy?

Believe it or not, I was asked that question at least a dozen times at my father's funeral. He did die suddenly and unexpetedly, but still.....HTH does one answer such a question? Especially right there in the funeral home?

I saw how tacky people could be at my father's funeral. I just decided to have a private funeral for my mother. I'm under no obligation to entertain those vultures.
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Old 10-05-2012, 07:38 AM
 
Location: California / Maryland / Cape May
1,548 posts, read 2,422,323 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lubby View Post
I was thinking about this today and some people should open their mouth and insert foot, if you know what I mean. When a loved one dies whether it's a spouse, parent. close relative or friend the last thing you want to hear is someone complianing, talking about themselves or saying something inappropriate instead of "Gee I am sorry for your loss" I have a few examples that I wanted to share.

When my grandfather died at age 94 in 2002 we were at the wake and my dad's cousin came up to my mother and asked what she was doing there. My mom's reply was "why are you asking?" my dads cousin said she thought they were divorced and was surprised to see my mom at the funeral. My mom was so appauled that she walked away in disgust.

My dad died in 2004 and we had the wake and people were coming from all over. People who had not seen my dad in 20 years. Another cousin of my dad's also was shocked to see my mom and thought they were divorced. My mom said even if they were what business was it of hers and that he was still the father of her children and she would have went to the funeral any way. A long time friend of my mom's told her now that your husband is gone you can be at peace. WTF does that mean? My dad was not easy going and was difficult to live with at times but my mom still cared and loved him in spite of that. You don't say stuff like that to a person who just lost their spouse even if you didn't like them. Keep your opinions to yourself or leave the room and go outside and talk about it with someone else not to the grieving family.Then you get the co-workers who only want to talk about how bad work is or how their life sucks meanwhile they could care less that you lost your loved one.

Has anyone experienced this or better yet has anyone had fighting going on during a loved ones wake? I almost had that at my Uncles wake but it's too long of a story to get into. I decided I would be the better person and kept my mouth shut.
When my uncle's mother (who was my grandmother and, along with my great aunt/godmother, was my surrogate parent in the absence of my birth parents) passed unexpectedly and in good health, that is, until she was dropped by a nurse, went in and out of extreme pain and a coma for 2 weeks then died, my uncle had the nerve to say about his mother: "it's probably best for everyone that she passed."

I'm not typically a hostile person but it took everything in my being to not scream at him for that. Even the doctors said it wasn't her time. They said she was too young and able and had at least another good 10-15 years left in her, so this death came as a shock to everyone. It WASN'T best for everyone that she passed; I'm still deeply mourning her loss 4 years, 8 months, 2 weeks, and 6 days later.
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