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Adopt another. You will not be replacing Maggie, but will instead be honoring her memory. She showed you what unconditional love is all about, and she clearly had a huge impact on you - so much so that your grief is so deep. So honor her memory by showing your unconditional love to another pet. The rewards will be great.
I've been there, done that, and it is very hard, but oh, so rewarding.
My dogs are my children also, however you need to give yourself and your wife a pat on the back for being such a loving pet parent.
Your post was great.
But can't do that. I have told her in very clear terms not to sneak in another pet in our lives ever unless we are both fully ready.
If there is going to another family member then this time the decision has to be mutual.
PS. I had thought about putting this topic in the 'Great Debates' forum. To start a debate about what 'life' itself means. Some would say, 'hey, get over it, she was just a dog. There are plenty of human beings suffering'. To them I would counter: 'Love can be unconditional...'
I don't think the purpose of this thread was at all about seeking condolences, as much as they are appreciated. I put on a Stoical face in public. Even to my wife most of the time. I think grief should elevate us once we fully, truly saturate the grief. I don't think I have come to that point.
The best thing about our animals is their living in the moment. The next is their capacity for love. Getting another dog isn't replacing Maggie, it's taking what she taught you and giving it back to another dog in need. Helps you and helps the dog.
Regarding food. Our first three cats were raised on crap food -- Meow Mix, Purina... and they lived for 17, 19 and 22 years. At the end of Dagwood's long long life.... I decided to feed high quality to maybe help him, because he wasn't eating much so I wanted every bite to count, and I thought it would be good for my new kitties....
At seven, two of my cats were diagnosed with IBS -- one intermittent and one pretty much in crisis all the time.... and I finally found a high quality food that helped the bad one... No grain, no fillers, human grade chicken.... we lost Seamus at 10, and a third cat came down with IBS style symptoms. We almost lost him too. HE STOPPED EATING ENTIRELY.
My vet said get him to eat -- I bought Meow Mix. He ate. We were at the point the next step was to let him go. The vet had exhausted all but surgery, and he couldn't survive that. Nine months later we feed a decent kibble, and we feed Meow Mix. All the cats eat both foods. All my cats are doing well. The one who has IBS hasn't had a flare in ages, and the newest one with IBS maybe -- he's put on weight and is enjoying his life again.
I'm not saying the high quality diet gave three cats IBS -- not in the least, but I think we expect too much from diet. And the manufacturers play into that. But diet isn't a miracle worker. It's not going to keep your pet alive forever. It might keep him around a month or two more. It might not work at all.
I haven't seen a difference in life quality since feeding Meow Mix -- coats are glossy, eyes are bright, kitties are playful... and my vet assures me I am not doing anything wrong by feeding a bad corn based food.
Now -- go give your wife a hug -- she's hurting as much as you are. Let it out and let it go.
I lost my dog in May and I bawled all summer. What finally helped me was moving out in August to a new place where I didn't have any memories of my dog being there. Having said that, I've heard that normal grieving can last up to a year or more and that we don't allow people enough time these days to grieve. But try to recognize when grieving turns into long term depression. That's not the direction you want to go. Seeing a therapist once or twice might help you to see where you are in the grieving process and how to move forward.
If I had to do it over, I would have two dogs at the same time, one younger so, God forbid, they both didn't have to be put down within the same year. I wouldn't mind getting a new dog now, but it would have to be a totally different breed.
And I suppose I should mention, I had my dog cremated and his ashes are in a little box. I still keep that box and my dog's picture on a shelf. I couldn't explain why except that it makes me feel better. My mother thinks I'm nuts and I really don't care.
I am so sorry, for your loss. It is very hard losing a pet!! Please apologize profusely to your wife, I can't imagine being in her shoes and have that cruelty in public. I know you are having a hard time, however your wife is too.
And I suppose I should mention, I had my dog cremated and his ashes are in a little box. I still keep that box and my dog's picture on a shelf. I couldn't explain why except that it makes me feel better. My mother thinks I'm nuts and I really don't care.
Bless you!!
I had my precious cremated too. She was 16 when she died. I keep her ashes and her pic on a shelf too and I don't care what anyone thinks!!!
I, too, am sorry for your loss. And I know only too well what you're going through. We lost our 8 year old White Shepherd four months ago, to a rattlesnake bite. When we lost her we realized how much of our daily life revolved around her. We went through three dreadful months, going over and over what we might/should/could have done and didn't do to save her life. We felt it all: devastating grief, dread, anger, sorrow. It took us three months to gather up her toys from the backyard and put them away; we couldn't bear facing that she really would never be playing with them again.
And then I happened to see a young dog online, from a rescue group. She didn't look anything like our lost Sweetie, but she looked like she belonged with us. I can't explain it. We had agreed that we wouldn't even think of looking for another dog until next year--but a few days later the little rescue dog was ours. That is now a month ago, and there is a strange relief in our hearts. We are still grieving, and the new dog has not replaced our Sweetie by any means, but she has filled a dark void. There is someone on four legs to make breakfast and dinner for, someone to train, someone to take walks with, someone who needs us. In a way it does feel like a betrayal, but we've been through it before when we got Sweetie 7 years ago, six months after losing our first dog, and we know that the love for the departed dog never goes away, but the pain can be softened with the help of another dog.
Above all: You must not only apologize to your wife, but you must forgive her in your heart for whatever role you suspect she may have had in Maggie's death. Don't ever tell her you forgive her, because that means you still blame her, but whatever resentment there may be deep inside you (justifiably or not), let it go. Then later on you may realize that she really was not to blame. I'm told that parents of (human) children often go through the same phases if they lose a child, blaming each other, and it can wreck a marriage.
You may want to visit the Rainbow Bridge forum in the Pets section. You'll find that you are not alone.
i'm sorry. I know everyone will experience grieving in their own way.. but it does feel that this "one mode" has overtaken your life. Having been through it more than once, the last time leaving me entirely without pets, I was a mess. It overtook me and I ended up reading a book on Pet Loss and Grief, doing Journaling and had a counselor to speak to at the time, besides.
Though you need to go through this in your own time, I would suggest that and having both you and your wife speak to someone, especially if they specialize in this area, doing so together and separately. It looks like you, maybe both of you, may have unresolved feelings that need to be addressed. Until you do, you will not look at things as you should or be able to make decisions based upon a clearer perspective. This process should help both of you get to another stage. Wishing you the best during this journey.
I am a dog lover and do get it, but you gotta move on. Its been a year. Your dog should not define who you are as a person or dominate your mood/emotional well being so much.
You should probably have some kids and/or get some close friends. Give it at least 5 years and then get another dog. Death is a part of owning a dog. You go into it knowing they live about 10-15 years.
Too far, yes. Have you thought about getting some help for yourself? You sound stuck, and like you might be dumping a whole bunch of other unresolved emotional stuff onto the loss of your dog.
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