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About 10 months ago we (wife and I) lost our dog Maggie. We are voluntarily 'child free'. We live in relative isolation--no neighbors. So for many years our lives revolved around Maggie. She was our daughter. I won't go as far as to say she would be like our biological daughter but pretty close.
After her loss I have mostly restricted myself to be within myself. The old me--ready to make new friends and ready to make plans with friends--is still unable to reach out to people. There is even some rudeness or at least antipathy toward friends--sort of like 'Couldn't care less' or 'take it or leave it' while making plans.
We are unwilling to replace Maggie. Her toys are still in our living room. We watch her photos and videos almost on daily basis. Visit her grave in our backyard often. Her bed is still on our bedroom floor--though she would almost always sleep with us on our bed.
We--especially I--are inconsolable. It may seem odd to a lot of people here about a pet but we just are. I am unwilling to replace her memories by adopting another dog. I think that will happen if we get another dog. And I also want to, philosophically, fully 'digest' the sense of the loss and ponder the larger issues of life through the loss.
While I have subtly blamed my wife for feeding her processed dog food (you know, Purina etc) leading to Maggie's death last night I crossed the line and blamed her in front of some strangers in a pub. I was rightly chided by the strangers. Wife and I could barely choke our tears. I was wrong. She knows that and she knows I know it. But I have yet to apologize to her for the last night--fearing it will cause a new flare up. I probably will.
Question: Have I gone too far in mourning? Is it okay to stay in grieving as long as it takes?
IMO, yes, you have gone way too far in this mourning for your dog. Especially making a scene out in public and directed towards your wife. Sounds like you have gone a little overboard in your sorrow. Counseling may be meritted also. Sorry that Maggie died. I have been there many times in my life but life goes on and I always find room in my heart to love another furbaby.
IMO, yes, you have gone way too far in this mourning for your dog. Especially making a scene out in public and directed towards your wife. Sounds like you have gone a little overboard in your sorrow. Counseling may be meritted also. Sorry that Maggie died. I have been there many times in my life but life goes on and I always find room in my heart to love another furbaby.
All of your feelings and emotions are NORMAL!!!
I am still grieving the loss of my dear husband and my two dogs. I do not have any family, they were all I had.
What has helped me tremendously is joining a support group. I have talked to many people and wanting to be in isolation or reduce your time being social is quite the norm.
I am so sorry for your loss. I cry every other day for my dogs. Six weeks after I lost my last dog I brought home a kitten. I love this kitten so much, I feel so grateful we have bonded. She saved my life. I wasn't ready to get another dog, as I am still mourning them and I would compare.
I have the best kitten in the whole world.
I talk about my story all of the time, the more I talk and discuss my losses the better I feel and the less I dwell on it. Talk about your feelings here if you like, this is what this support group is about.
Death is unavoidable, it was going to happen sooner or later. You need to accept that. Grieving over something that was not meant to live eternity is natural, but eventually we come to terms with it and move on.
If you got another dog it would not be replacing Maggie's memories, you would just be getting another dog. It's not as if you intend on forgetting Maggie just because you'd have a new dog.
Thank you all above.
I remain convinced that I need to fully 'internalize' the loss before moving on. I am not socially dysfunctional and am gainfully employed. The last night mistake was the first of its kind in public--perhaps a few extra drinks made me say that.
Interestingly, my wife seems to think me grieving the loss has actually made our marriage stronger. Maggie was sort of imposed on me--adopted while I was out of the country. Maggie was quite an unwelcome addition to our little 'family'.
Location: Scott County, Tennessee/by way of Detroit
3,352 posts, read 2,824,164 times
Reputation: 10348
Quote:
Originally Posted by Delahanty
The misery of keeping a dog is his dying so soon. But, to be sure, if he lived for 50 years and then died, what would become of me?
--Sir Walter Scott
Give another dog a nice home. You wouldn't be replacing Maggie. Pet owners often have a succession of dogs/cats in our lives, and each one is unique.
I agree with Delahanty...go to a rescue and get a great dog who needs a home. ..I have been where you are...had to put our beloved Maui down because she attacked my cat....and 2 yrs later our other cat...WE WERE JUST so bereft...sick to my stomach every day..crying etc. ..4 mos later I adopted a dog that was going to the shelter because the owners couldn't take care of her..have had her now 5 years and it's been great... think about it..it may be just what you two need....
I am so sorry for your loss and for your grief!
My dogs are my children also, however you need to give yourself and your wife a pat on the back for being such a loving pet parent. It's all in the perspective really. Think of how happy Maggie was in your life and in return how happy you and your wife were due to Maggie. It was her time and you need to accept that-which I feel perhaps you've not done.
Apologize immediately to your wife and understand she too is grieving!!!!
Seems like the both of you are perfect and awesome pet parents so why not do a HUGE favor to a homeless fur baby -visit a shelter and see which one adopts YOU!!!
Honor Maggie by giving a home and in time love to another dog.
You will be the winner........I promise.
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