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Old 07-25-2016, 07:13 PM
 
3,263 posts, read 2,841,009 times
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He has been gone for 15 days.

Even though I cared for him and watched him deteriorate, my mind and heart haven't accepted that he is gone permanently.

It was the first part of August that he went to Sturgis last year. I feel like he has gone there & that I just have to wait for him to come back.

I miss him. I find myself toying with the idea of buying things (to fill the void, I suppose), then decide that I don't want buy or DO anything.

I keep coming across things to tell him that would make him chuckle.
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Old 07-26-2016, 12:41 AM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
22,714 posts, read 21,770,674 times
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My husband used to be out-of-town on business on a fairly regular basis. Not every week or even every month, but often enough that his absence seemed normal...expected. He could be away for a week or six. I knew how to move into "away mode". I think that helped me in the long run. He wasn't here, just as he hadn't been here before.
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Old 09-05-2016, 09:38 PM
 
5,733 posts, read 4,582,717 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by metamorphosis View Post
I keep coming across things to tell him that would make him chuckle.

Tell him the things...

Quote:
"All is Well" --by Henry Scott Holland:

All Is Well
Death is nothing at all,
I have only slipped into the next room
I am I and you are you
Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.
Call me by my old familiar name,
Speak to me in the easy way which you always used
Put no difference in your tone,
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Let my name be ever the household world that it always was,
Let it be spoken without effect, without the trace of shadow on it.
Life means all that it ever meant.
It it the same as it ever was, there is unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near,
Just around the corner.
All is well.

I hope you find comfort in knowing that the love you shared is still present.
Keep it alive within your heart, it will bring you strength when you feel weak.
Love never ends.

Much peace to you...
sparrow
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Old 09-06-2016, 10:09 AM
 
Location: SWFL
21,438 posts, read 18,155,050 times
Reputation: 18824
Quote:
Originally Posted by .sparrow. View Post
Tell him the things...




I hope you find comfort in knowing that the love you shared is still present.
Keep it alive within your heart, it will bring you strength when you feel weak.
Love never ends.

Much peace to you...
sparrow
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Old 09-07-2016, 12:26 AM
 
26,163 posts, read 14,467,561 times
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Unhappy  

I am so sorry............ Remember he is always with you IN SPIRIT and may let you know from time to time he IS there


I am so sorry
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Old 09-07-2016, 04:03 AM
 
11,686 posts, read 13,087,938 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by metamorphosis View Post
He has been gone for 15 days.

Even though I cared for him and watched him deteriorate, my mind and heart haven't accepted that he is gone permanently.

It was the first part of August that he went to Sturgis last year. I feel like he has gone there & that I just have to wait for him to come back.

I miss him. I find myself toying with the idea of buying things (to fill the void, I suppose), then decide that I don't want buy or DO anything.

I keep coming across things to tell him that would make him chuckle.
This posting instantly struck home in a big way. With several deaths that feeling - "Oh, next week, I'll tell X......, or show them such and such...." And then that sense of sinking, and my mind just wanders into some vague foggy mist, until I come back to whatever I was doing before it happened.

It's a kind of ambush.
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Old 09-09-2016, 06:12 PM
 
3,263 posts, read 2,841,009 times
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I haven't been back to this forum at all since, well, my last posting. I can't read other threads and feel rotten for not offering support.

I have to take care of his financial affairs and thought the attorney would help me. But he is trying to rush me. I know I have to put on my Big Girl pants. I just want to be left alone, but not be left alone! I know that doesn't make sense, but I guess I don't want to be pushed, rather I'd like to have support and/or guidance.
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Old 09-09-2016, 11:57 PM
 
3,964 posts, read 5,251,370 times
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Those financial affairs are really hard to face when you are grieving, but it is a necessity. The first thing I would do would be to sit down and determine which things need to be done now, and which things can wait a month. Of course, none of us know your financial business, so we can't recommend what those things would be. It is possible that your lawyer knows that some things do need to be rushed. But perhaps some things he just wants to get through, but the reality is that they can wait. Prioritizing may help you to unload some of those items for now. I would be honest with that lawyer and tell him that if something is not crucial to be done right now, you need a little time.

And you are right that you can't be all business. You also need time, support, and care. I understand what you mean about wanting to be alone and yet not wanting it. As for me, I had times when I wanted to be alone with my thoughts but also had a need for people. But I wanted the right kind of interaction - people who could listen and just "be" with me for a while but not force an agenda. Sometimes people feel the need to say something that will make it better for you. But the reality is that no one can say anything that will make this better.

Do not feel bad for not "offering support" to others on this forum. There is a time to support and a time to be supported. You will know when it is time to help others. Be easy on yourself for now. If you feel bad reading other threads, just don't read them. Its OK. Don't judge yourself too harshly - you are suffering right now.
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Old 09-10-2016, 07:48 AM
 
635 posts, read 395,958 times
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You don't have to feel bad about not offering support, right now you have enough to worry about. I lost my husband just 15 weeks ago so I know what you're going through. Sometimes I feel bad too for not offering more support to other people but I just don't have it in me to pay it forward just yet. Someday when we're in a better frame of mind we'll be able to help others who've lost someone they love because we've been through it but maybe now isn't the time. Right now you need to focus on yourself and what needs to get done.

I understand completely about wanting to be left alone but not really wanting to be alone. Like grasshopper said, sometimes it helps just to have someone with me but not trying to fix me. Take care the best you can.
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Old 09-10-2016, 03:41 PM
 
3,263 posts, read 2,841,009 times
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Thanks to all of you.

Hugs.
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