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Old 02-04-2017, 10:04 AM
 
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A family friend has tragically just lost her adult son to substance abuse. Her son was living with her at the time.

Our friend has also had a terrible year that includes a new diagnosis of a serious rare health problem that almost required a transplant, huge financial stresses trying to pay for her son's rehab costs, working two jobs, mother with dementia that she recently moved into a Memory Care facility and an unstable brother who has moved into Mom's house and locked the doors, and in the midst of this...... her husband filed for divorce last month.

And now her son...... who has suffered from years of mental illness and substance abuse.

We became friends professionally, and became friends on a much more personal level over time.

Tomorrow there will be a visitation at a local funeral home. I have never been to a funeral home visitation.

We will be giving her money, as financial issues are at the forefront here.

Do we bring card/money to the visitation or mail separately?

Do we bring more to the visitation? Food, and if so, what do you recommend? Or is that awkward for her to have to carry a bunch of stuff home from the funeral home?

Thanks for your thoughts.
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Old 02-04-2017, 10:28 AM
 
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Visitation is a way to show your support and sympathy. Flowers can be delivered via a florist. Food is not taken to a visitation. The funeral home will have a guest book to sign and near the book is generally a stack of small (usually white) cards/envelopes. That is where you can slip some money or a check (don't forget to sign your name legibly - if you don't she won't know who to thank). You then put the envelope is a slotted box nearby.

Or you can mail a check with your own card to the person's home. You can take food to the person's home over any of the next couple of days.

No one wants to carry stuff from the funeral home to a car.
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Old 02-05-2017, 06:22 AM
Status: "Even better than okay" (set 8 days ago)
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
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Re food: The mom of my childhood friend just died. She has to travel in from another state, as does the mother's sister. I know the brother has been living at the mother's house, so I sent over a basket directly to the house from a specialty grocery store in their area--cheeses and crackers, nuts, fruit. Something to nibble on when appetites might be low. If you are local, a pot of soup or a pasta brought to the house might be appropriate.
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Old 02-05-2017, 07:11 AM
 
Location: Wonderland
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When we went to the funeral home to plan my dad's visitation and services, the funeral home gave us a box of sandwiches from McAllister's Deli - I mean a big box. WOW, that was so helpful and thoughtful.

I don't expect every funeral home to do that, but I did think that was a good idea for wherever family is gathering, which in our case was our house.
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Old 02-05-2017, 08:03 AM
 
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Many funeral homes have a room where the family can grab a bite to eat, if they bring their own food. Many FH provide coffee. But IF food is brought, I would bring it just prior to the visitation hours so that it can be taken to the "lunch room". And it should be small munchie-type food rather than a kettle of soup or a casserole. Be prepared to tidy up the room before everyone leaves.

I may have misunderstood the OP. I envisioned people walking in and handing the bereaved a platter or ham with dinner rolls.
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Old 02-05-2017, 10:14 AM
Status: "Even better than okay" (set 8 days ago)
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
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Quote:
Originally Posted by metamorphosis View Post
Many funeral homes have a room where the family can grab a bite to eat, if they bring their own food. Many FH provide coffee. But IF food is brought, I would bring it just prior to the visitation hours so that it can be taken to the "lunch room". And it should be small munchie-type food rather than a kettle of soup or a casserole. Be prepared to tidy up the room before everyone leaves.

I may have misunderstood the OP. I envisioned people walking in and handing the bereaved a platter or ham with dinner rolls.
No, I think that's what she was asking. Food should be sent to the house. In some areas, people bring food to the repast after the actual funeral, but not the visitation. Kind of tacky and weird to sit around munching out when there's a corpse in the room.
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Old 02-05-2017, 11:09 AM
 
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I believe that's why there is a separate room for coffee and something to give energy to those who may be at the funeral home without getting out.
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Old 02-05-2017, 11:25 AM
Status: "Even better than okay" (set 8 days ago)
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
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Quote:
Originally Posted by metamorphosis View Post
I believe that's why there is a separate room for coffee and something to give energy to those who may be at the funeral home without getting out.
I never experienced that, but it's a nice idea. When my father and brother died, we just went home in between the afternoon and evening viewings. The town funeral parlor is only a mile away, though.
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Old 02-05-2017, 12:31 PM
 
Location: Former LI'er Now a Rehoboth Beach Bunny
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Understand this is not about food in the funeral home, but NYS just lifted the ban on food in funeral homes last summer. It had been in place since the early 1950's. Now light food and drinks, non-alcholoic of course can be served.
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Old 02-05-2017, 01:43 PM
 
Location: Bloomington IN
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I think the answer is that people bring it to both places, maybe a regional thing. Many funeral homes have a "family room" where one can get away for a few minutes, get a drink or whatever. It's definitely not like one is eating where the visitation is happening. At the last 2 family funerals I've attended some close friends organized bringing sandwiches, drinks, and snacks to the funeral home so that the family could take a break. As I member of those families I certainly appreciated it. People also brought food to the family's home. In this case I think I would take the food to the family's home. I think the difference is the relationship.
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