Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I am venturing into what is known to me as the season of death. It begins in November. This has been a process for me since 1995 when my father died. November was always one of the biggest, most important months for my family.
This was a chance for all of the family to get together, we never see one another. Thanksgiving. I remember all the way back from when I was a little girl. My dad standing at the head of the table sharpening his knife in front of the turkey. No more dad. He passed in February of 1995. February 5th. His birthday falls in November.
In 2000, I shared my last Thanksgiving with my mother. It was a tough one. All of my brothers and sisters and their families were there but mom was in bed the whole time. Her time was short.
Everyone was back down around December 22nd and I told them I did not think she had much longer, that maybe they should stay. No one did. It has always been my tradition to wrap Christmas presents on Christmas Eve.
That year, as my mother lay in bed in a comatose state, I carried all of the presents into her room and I sat on the floor with them and all of the wrapping paper around me and began to wrap. This was early in the day.
I talked to her the whole time, I kinda think she heard me. I had my husband take the kids from the house. I did not want them seeing this. There was a nurse that came out twice to see my mom that day. My preacher came twice as well.
I kept calling all of my brothers and sisters and telling them they need to get down here asap. I felt like I was talking to myself. I felt like no one was listening. I had been my mothers primary care giver through all of her illness, my dads as well.
I knew what was coming. When I wasn't taking care of her, I was studying the upcoming events, what I should be looking for and it was all happening before my eyes.
My mother was dying. I put the phone up to ear on several occasions to have her hear my siblings. I finally had to leave the room. It was frighteningly cold in there and I had not eaten all day. It was about two in the afternoon if memory serves me right, maybe a bit later.
I told my mother that I would be right back, not to worry. I would only be gone a second. I lay down the scissors and tape and venture down the long hallway to the kitchen. I made myself a cup of hot chocolate and a half of a sandwich and walked back down the hall.
I stood in the doorway looking in at my mother. I felt a rush blow over me. She was gone. In the two minutes it took me, my mother had died.
I feel like she waited all day for me to leave the room to die. She didn't want me to be there for it. My sister got there about 30 minutes later. I will never know how she felt over that, having missed our mothers death by such a short time.
I had already called the funeral home and they came out. I felt horribly for my brothers and uncle who made it down later to arrive and see the hearse in the driveway.
My uncle seemed to take it worse than all of us put together. It was heartbreaking seeing the man I always knew as such a strong man grasping her as she lay there without a breath. He cried and cried and we could not get him off of her.
Christmas and Christmas Eve have never been the same for me. My fathers death day rolls around on February 5, before that we have his birthday,Thanksgiving, my birthday, Christmas Eve, Christmas, dads bday,my moms birthday on Feb 27, then comes Grandmas death day. She died a couple years after my mom did, in mid march. Then Grandmas birthday. I think that wraps it up.
I can say the same for my sister as well as for myself, it is the season of death and all of it's remembrances.
We go from the once joyous time of Thanksgiving all the way to the end of March. I do not know what she calls it, but it is what I have come to know it as and it is getting ready to come upon me.
My SO doesn't understand the depressed state of mind that becomes me. That is a whole five months a year of my life and I know that I am probably unbearable. It is starting again soon and I do not know what to do. I can feel myself closing up and not wanting to be around people.
I want to just be alone in a room, not with others. I want to crawl in a hole somewhere. It happened last year, his first experience of it. He hurt me badly right around my fathers death day. I am imagining that had this happened during the 'up' months of my life that maybe I would have been able to get over it. I cannot. I cannot do it.
I think that the painof what he did has been amplified due to the death season which comes upon me once again. I want to go. I want to run away from the world and all who are in it right now.
I have been dreaming of my parents a lot lately. Good dreams. They take me to a place I have not been to in such a very long time. I do not get into this dream state until around 6 am. Someone normally awakens me while I am in the midst of visiting with my mom and dad. I wake up and it is as though I am reaching out for those which I have lost to see those that are here.
It angers me. I never know when the dreams will come back, if they will come back.
I found a box of cards the other day. My father never failed to give me a birthday card or Valentines day card every year, Grandma did the same. I did not have one card from my mom. I did have all the cards my dad had given her over the years though.
I don't think she knew how to express her feelings, and I did not learn until after my dad died.
I know, such a downer of a post, but it helps to get it out sometimes.
i am venturing into what is known to me as the season of death. It begins in november. This has been a process for me since 1995 when my father died. November was always one of the biggest, most important months for my family.
This was a chance for all of the family to get together, we never see one another. Thanksgiving. I remember all the way back from when i was a little girl. My dad standing at the head of the table sharpening his knife in front of the turkey. No more dad. He passed in february of 1995. February 5th. His birthday falls in november.
In 2000, i shared my last thanksgiving with my mother. It was a tough one. All of my brothers and sisters and their families were there but mom was in bed the whole time. Her time was short.
Everyone was back down around december 22nd and i told them i did not think she had much longer, that maybe they should stay. No one did. It has always been my tradition to wrap christmas presents on christmas eve.
That year, as my mother lay in bed in a comatose state, i carried all of the presents into her room and i sat on the floor with them and all of the wrapping paper around me and began to wrap. This was early in the day.
I talked to her the whole time, i kinda think she heard me. I had my husband take the kids from the house. I did not want them seeing this. There was a nurse that came out twice to see my mom that day. My preacher came twice as well.
I kept calling all of my brothers and sisters and telling them they need to get down here asap. I felt like i was talking to myself. I felt like no one was listening. I had been my mothers primary care giver through all of her illness, my dads as well.
I knew what was coming. When i wasn't taking care of her, i was studying the upcoming events, what i should be looking for and it was all happening before my eyes.
My mother was dying. I put the phone up to ear on several occasions to have her hear my siblings. I finally had to leave the room. It was frighteningly cold in there and i had not eaten all day. It was about two in the afternoon if memory serves me right, maybe a bit later.
I told my mother that i would be right back, not to worry. I would only be gone a second. I lay down the scissors and tape and venture down the long hallway to the kitchen. I made myself a cup of hot chocolate and a half of a sandwich and walked back down the hall.
I stood in the doorway looking in at my mother. I felt a rush blow over me. She was gone. In the two minutes it took me, my mother had died.
I feel like she waited all day for me to leave the room to die. She didn't want me to be there for it. My sister got there about 30 minutes later. I will never know how she felt over that, having missed our mothers death by such a short time.
I had already called the funeral home and they came out. I felt horribly for my brothers and uncle who made it down later to arrive and see the hearse in the driveway.
My uncle seemed to take it worse than all of us put together. It was heartbreaking seeing the man i always knew as such a strong man grasping her as she lay there without a breath. He cried and cried and we could not get him off of her.
Christmas and christmas eve have never been the same for me. My fathers death day rolls around on february 5, before that we have his birthday,thanksgiving, my birthday, christmas eve, christmas, dads bday,my moms birthday on feb 27, then comes grandmas death day. She died a couple years after my mom did, in mid march. Then grandmas birthday. I think that wraps it up.
I can say the same for my sister as well as for myself, it is the season of death and all of it's remembrances.
We go from the once joyous time of thanksgiving all the way to the end of march. I do not know what she calls it, but it is what i have come to know it as and it is getting ready to come upon me.
My so doesn't understand the depressed state of mind that becomes me. That is a whole five months a year of my life and i know that i am probably unbearable. It is starting again soon and i do not know what to do. I can feel myself closing up and not wanting to be around people.
I want to just be alone in a room, not with others. I want to crawl in a hole somewhere. It happened last year, his first experience of it. He hurt me badly right around my fathers death day. I am imagining that had this happened during the 'up' months of my life that maybe i would have been able to get over it. I cannot. I cannot do it.
I think that the painof what he did has been amplified due to the death season which comes upon me once again. I want to go. I want to run away from the world and all who are in it right now.
I have been dreaming of my parents a lot lately. Good dreams. They take me to a place i have not been to in such a very long time. I do not get into this dream state until around 6 am. Someone normally awakens me while i am in the midst of visiting with my mom and dad. I wake up and it is as though i am reaching out for those which i have lost to see those that are here.
It angers me. I never know when the dreams will come back, if they will come back.
I found a box of cards the other day. My father never failed to give me a birthday card or valentines day card every year, grandma did the same. I did not have one card from my mom. I did have all the cards my dad had given her over the years though.
I don't think she knew how to express her feelings, and i did not learn until after my dad died.
I know, such a downer of a post, but it helps to get it out sometimes.
Wow, I'm a little speechless right now. This brought me to tears. I hope it felt good to get it out. You will be in my prayers tonight. BIG HUGS TO YOU
I am venturing into what is known to me as the season of death. It begins in November. This has been a process for me since 1995 when my father died. November was always one of the biggest, most important months for my family.
This was a chance for all of the family to get together, we never see one another. Thanksgiving. I remember all the way back from when I was a little girl. My dad standing at the head of the table sharpening his knife in front of the turkey. No more dad. He passed in February of 1995. February 5th. His birthday falls in November.
In 2000, I shared my last Thanksgiving with my mother. It was a tough one. All of my brothers and sisters and their families were there but mom was in bed the whole time. Her time was short.
Everyone was back down around December 22nd and I told them I did not think she had much longer, that maybe they should stay. No one did. It has always been my tradition to wrap Christmas presents on Christmas Eve.
That year, as my mother lay in bed in a comatose state, I carried all of the presents into her room and I sat on the floor with them and all of the wrapping paper around me and began to wrap. This was early in the day.
I talked to her the whole time, I kinda think she heard me. I had my husband take the kids from the house. I did not want them seeing this. There was a nurse that came out twice to see my mom that day. My preacher came twice as well.
I kept calling all of my brothers and sisters and telling them they need to get down here asap. I felt like I was talking to myself. I felt like no one was listening. I had been my mothers primary care giver through all of her illness, my dads as well.
I knew what was coming. When I wasn't taking care of her, I was studying the upcoming events, what I should be looking for and it was all happening before my eyes.
My mother was dying. I put the phone up to ear on several occasions to have her hear my siblings. I finally had to leave the room. It was frighteningly cold in there and I had not eaten all day. It was about two in the afternoon if memory serves me right, maybe a bit later.
I told my mother that I would be right back, not to worry. I would only be gone a second. I lay down the scissors and tape and venture down the long hallway to the kitchen. I made myself a cup of hot chocolate and a half of a sandwich and walked back down the hall.
I stood in the doorway looking in at my mother. I felt a rush blow over me. She was gone. In the two minutes it took me, my mother had died.
I feel like she waited all day for me to leave the room to die. She didn't want me to be there for it. My sister got there about 30 minutes later. I will never know how she felt over that, having missed our mothers death by such a short time.
I had already called the funeral home and they came out. I felt horribly for my brothers and uncle who made it down later to arrive and see the hearse in the driveway.
My uncle seemed to take it worse than all of us put together. It was heartbreaking seeing the man I always knew as such a strong man grasping her as she lay there without a breath. He cried and cried and we could not get him off of her.
Christmas and Christmas Eve have never been the same for me. My fathers death day rolls around on February 5, before that we have his birthday,Thanksgiving, my birthday, Christmas Eve, Christmas, dads bday,my moms birthday on Feb 27, then comes Grandmas death day. She died a couple years after my mom did, in mid march. Then Grandmas birthday. I think that wraps it up.
I can say the same for my sister as well as for myself, it is the season of death and all of it's remembrances.
We go from the once joyous time of Thanksgiving all the way to the end of March. I do not know what she calls it, but it is what I have come to know it as and it is getting ready to come upon me.
My SO doesn't understand the depressed state of mind that becomes me. That is a whole five months a year of my life and I know that I am probably unbearable. It is starting again soon and I do not know what to do. I can feel myself closing up and not wanting to be around people.
I want to just be alone in a room, not with others. I want to crawl in a hole somewhere. It happened last year, his first experience of it. He hurt me badly right around my fathers death day. I am imagining that had this happened during the 'up' months of my life that maybe I would have been able to get over it. I cannot. I cannot do it.
I think that the painof what he did has been amplified due to the death season which comes upon me once again. I want to go. I want to run away from the world and all who are in it right now.
I have been dreaming of my parents a lot lately. Good dreams. They take me to a place I have not been to in such a very long time. I do not get into this dream state until around 6 am. Someone normally awakens me while I am in the midst of visiting with my mom and dad. I wake up and it is as though I am reaching out for those which I have lost to see those that are here.
It angers me. I never know when the dreams will come back, if they will come back.
I found a box of cards the other day. My father never failed to give me a birthday card or Valentines day card every year, Grandma did the same. I did not have one card from my mom. I did have all the cards my dad had given her over the years though.
I don't think she knew how to express her feelings, and I did not learn until after my dad died.
I know, such a downer of a post, but it helps to get it out sometimes.
Good evening.
I'm in the same boat, I have lost family and friends, however, I learned that it's best to have a mindset like water in which my thoughts, behavior and way of thinking was more fluid. In other words, I except the reality and just adapt to it.
You are having difficultly because you still want to operate how it was in the past but it's no longer that way; the depression comes about because reality is not manifesting what you REALLY desire.
If I were you, I would except reality for what it is and jump back in the drivers seat of life. You have a unknown amount of years left on the earth and you should try and live out the rest of those years in the BEST possible way you can! You can start with being more of a wife/GF to your SO. How is it fair to him if you can shut down for 5 months emotionally?
Anyhow, I know you may feel alone, but I can assure you that your not alone. Pretty much every few seconds a family member looses a loved one and the human race looses a member; it's just the unexplained cards that we are all dealt.
I am venturing into what is known to me as the season of death. It begins in November. This has been a process for me since 1995 when my father died. November was always one of the biggest, most important months for my family.
This was a chance for all of the family to get together, we never see one another. Thanksgiving. I remember all the way back from when I was a little girl. My dad standing at the head of the table sharpening his knife in front of the turkey. No more dad. He passed in February of 1995. February 5th. His birthday falls in November.
In 2000, I shared my last Thanksgiving with my mother. It was a tough one. All of my brothers and sisters and their families were there but mom was in bed the whole time. Her time was short.
Everyone was back down around December 22nd and I told them I did not think she had much longer, that maybe they should stay. No one did. It has always been my tradition to wrap Christmas presents on Christmas Eve.
That year, as my mother lay in bed in a comatose state, I carried all of the presents into her room and I sat on the floor with them and all of the wrapping paper around me and began to wrap. This was early in the day.
I talked to her the whole time, I kinda think she heard me. I had my husband take the kids from the house. I did not want them seeing this. There was a nurse that came out twice to see my mom that day. My preacher came twice as well.
I kept calling all of my brothers and sisters and telling them they need to get down here asap. I felt like I was talking to myself. I felt like no one was listening. I had been my mothers primary care giver through all of her illness, my dads as well.
I knew what was coming. When I wasn't taking care of her, I was studying the upcoming events, what I should be looking for and it was all happening before my eyes.
My mother was dying. I put the phone up to ear on several occasions to have her hear my siblings. I finally had to leave the room. It was frighteningly cold in there and I had not eaten all day. It was about two in the afternoon if memory serves me right, maybe a bit later.
I told my mother that I would be right back, not to worry. I would only be gone a second. I lay down the scissors and tape and venture down the long hallway to the kitchen. I made myself a cup of hot chocolate and a half of a sandwich and walked back down the hall.
I stood in the doorway looking in at my mother. I felt a rush blow over me. She was gone. In the two minutes it took me, my mother had died.
I feel like she waited all day for me to leave the room to die. She didn't want me to be there for it. My sister got there about 30 minutes later. I will never know how she felt over that, having missed our mothers death by such a short time.
I had already called the funeral home and they came out. I felt horribly for my brothers and uncle who made it down later to arrive and see the hearse in the driveway.
My uncle seemed to take it worse than all of us put together. It was heartbreaking seeing the man I always knew as such a strong man grasping her as she lay there without a breath. He cried and cried and we could not get him off of her.
Christmas and Christmas Eve have never been the same for me. My fathers death day rolls around on February 5, before that we have his birthday,Thanksgiving, my birthday, Christmas Eve, Christmas, dads bday,my moms birthday on Feb 27, then comes Grandmas death day. She died a couple years after my mom did, in mid march. Then Grandmas birthday. I think that wraps it up.
I can say the same for my sister as well as for myself, it is the season of death and all of it's remembrances.
We go from the once joyous time of Thanksgiving all the way to the end of March. I do not know what she calls it, but it is what I have come to know it as and it is getting ready to come upon me.
My SO doesn't understand the depressed state of mind that becomes me. That is a whole five months a year of my life and I know that I am probably unbearable. It is starting again soon and I do not know what to do. I can feel myself closing up and not wanting to be around people.
I want to just be alone in a room, not with others. I want to crawl in a hole somewhere. It happened last year, his first experience of it. He hurt me badly right around my fathers death day. I am imagining that had this happened during the 'up' months of my life that maybe I would have been able to get over it. I cannot. I cannot do it.
I think that the painof what he did has been amplified due to the death season which comes upon me once again. I want to go. I want to run away from the world and all who are in it right now.
I have been dreaming of my parents a lot lately. Good dreams. They take me to a place I have not been to in such a very long time. I do not get into this dream state until around 6 am. Someone normally awakens me while I am in the midst of visiting with my mom and dad. I wake up and it is as though I am reaching out for those which I have lost to see those that are here.
It angers me. I never know when the dreams will come back, if they will come back.
I found a box of cards the other day. My father never failed to give me a birthday card or Valentines day card every year, Grandma did the same. I did not have one card from my mom. I did have all the cards my dad had given her over the years though.
I don't think she knew how to express her feelings, and I did not learn until after my dad died.
I know, such a downer of a post, but it helps to get it out sometimes.
Good evening.
There is a song that has a line in it that I absolutely love.
(in Spanish, it says)....
Ya vas a ver como va
La misma vida a decantar la sal que sobra del mar
Translated literally it says that "you will see that life itself will decant the salt from the sea". Which doesn't make a lot of sense. But what it means is that time will heal us. It will take the "salt" from our wounds.
You shouldn't feel like you owe anybody anything this time of year. You need some time for "life to decant the salt from the sea". That is the only thing that is going to make it better. Time.
Why don't you plan on going away this year, if you can afford it? Getting away, being able to think and reflect and spend the time healing. I think it would be good for you.
My Dad passed when everyone was out of the room for about ten minutes.
I think thats their way of somehow sparing us grief in some small way.
This year, start a tradition of your own, to bring some joy to the season,
you and your family deserve it. Take care of yourself!!
It's so very difficult, isn't it? It's good for you to write and get it all out.
If you can, try to see this not as the season of death but as the season of liberation. Your loved ones are pain-free and happy and they wouldn't want you feeling depressed for that stretch of time. We're all going to die at some point -- think about your loved ones and how you would want them to carry on with living and remembering you fondly, with joy.
My mum always dreaded the month of February because her loved ones all seemed to die in February. She'd breathe a sigh of relief every year if she made it through February and didn't suffer a loss. Ironically enough, SHE died in February, too! And, OMG, was it fast. She was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and within two weeks she was gone. I didn't get there in time -- I was still making arrangements for work and my son's schooling because I was going to stay there and be her caregiver until the end. My sister wasn't there when she died, either, and she lived in the same town! I think they DO want to spare us and go peacefully alone. They don't realize how difficult it is for us.
I agree with the others -- maybe you and your family can start some new traditions at this time, to help you cope.
Pikantari,
Since you mentioned a preacher, I thought it would be OK to offer this to you. I think it's beautiful and I hope it helps!
Teatime
Prayer for Autumn Days
God of the seasons, there is a time for everything; there is a time for dying and a time for rising. We need courage to enter into the transformation process.
God of autumn, the trees are saying goodbye to their green, letting go of what has been. We, too, have our moments of surrender, with all their insecurity and risk. Help us to let go when we need to do so.
God of fallen leaves lying in colored patterns on the ground, our lives have their own patterns. As we see the patterns of our own growth, may we learn from them.
God of misty days and harvest moon nights, there is always the dimension of mystery and wonder in our lives. We always need to recognize your power-filled presence. May we gain strength from this.
God of harvest wagons and fields of ripened grain, many gifts of growth lie within the season of our surrender. We must wait for harvest in faith and hope. Grant us patience when we do not see the blessings.
God of geese going south for another season, your wisdom enables us to know what needs to be left behind and what needs to be carried into the future. We yearn for insight and vision.
God of flowers touched with frost and windows wearing white designs, may your love keep our hearts from growing cold in the empty seasons.
God of life, you believe in us, you enrich us, you entrust us with the freedom to choose life. For all this, we are grateful. AMEN
Pikantari, I know there is grief in your heart and there should be. When you feel yourself longing for your mother's presence, and the days gone by, remember that if what the bible says is true, you will meet her again. Until then, you must be brave and strong and know that all this time without her will be long, but not necessarily painful. You need to try to get out of that dispair you have gone into and remember that there are people that love you who want to see you happy and want you to prosper, not be depressed. Time seems so long to some and so short to others who have grown old. If you can see that it is only a small time before you see her again, you will be able to feel much better. Usually when we miss someone who has died, we long for the past and the love they gave us, we also think that all the days we live are so long and so heavy. But nothing is further from the truth. Life only gives us some days and they go fast. If you keep looking back, you will never be able to look forward. Right now is a time for growth and you must do so without them. Before you know it, you will be very old and on the verge of dieing, and you will want to have the best memories of your life as possible. Don't let a death stop you from living your life, instead, embrace your life harder and know that time can come between you and your loved ones, but it cannot take them away. You guys will be back together before you know it, and your tears will turn into joy, and laugh that you thought death or time could separate you forever. It can't, it can only momentarily separate you. That's all it can do. If you knew you would see your loved ones in 2 weeks or 2 years, you would feel better. Well you don't know that, but you should know that you will see them again, and that means that you just have to beleive and know that you will. In the meantime, try to live your life with as little pain as possible. Yes, you miss them, but they will be back. Now doesn't that sound good?
Me too. You and I share some similarities I also cared for parents till they died and there's a similar season of death in my family as well. Between parents, relatives, and in-laws, there's now more dead than alive. I can remember my Grandmother telling me this would happen.
This is my first Holiday season without my Mom and I will miss her. It just won't be the same. I know the holidays are particularly hard for you because you lost your Mom at Christmas.
Me personally, I always try to remind myself that all these good people had and enjoyed their lives and they would want me to do the same. I can hear my Mom verbally lambasting me for wasting time 'mooning' over what I couldn't change. My time isn't up and life still has more in store for me.
I hope you find what you need to put your losses in perspective so you can move on. Hopefully to a happier place and a better season.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Take care of yourself!!
