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I am a wife, married my husband and moved in his house and I HATE this house. He bought a huge house, 20 years old, on a huge land. So I sound like a brat (and I am I guess). I should be so proud of having a 6000 sf house with 30 acres of land. Well I hate it. I hate that the house is so huge, I hate its look inside and out, I hate the landscape. It's got carpet in all bathrooms, the same grey carpet everywhere, the original crown molding and baseboard, all painted grey. All the cabinets in the whole house are in a whitewash oak with brass knobs, the bathroom appliances are charcoal grey porcelain and brass and they run all the time and they look so 90's ; we also have beige appliances in the guest bathrooms that seems to only go well with white or dark blue. Everything about this house is plain looking. Even the outside, is just bare and holds no charm and I have no idea what to do with it.
Husband said to me I could make it look better but now he has spent all his money on this house and a new car, we just have to be patient and do one little thing at a time. But I just can't stand it, I think about all the things that need to be changed and I realize it is going to take us years. He put me in charge of painting since I only work three days a week, and it's been a year and I have done only half of the house and I don't even like the colors I picked. Truth is I didn't even want to do the painting of a 6000 sf house.
I know I should not react like I do, be such a loser and a brat about it and drag with the painting. I just feel overwhelmed with all the things that need to be done for this house to come back from 1990. It is just too much work too much time to dedicate into the house. This house was on the market forever before my hub bought it (wonder why). And in the meantime, we cannot spend anything on actually decorating (furniture and so on) so we are stuck with old ugly furniture too.
See, my only dream, the only thing I really wanted was a nice comfortable house that I could decorate. I didn't want to have to redo everything, just pick frame and furniture, a nice rug. I wanted a smaller cosy house, I don't care to impress people with a 6000 sf house nor a 30 acres land. I care for quality materials and beauty and I'd rather live in a small place that is to my taste rather than have a huge place I cannot stand to look at.
I just don't know what to do, there's no way we can sell this house the market isn't at all that great, the house needs new flooring (carpet everywhere that is 20 years old) and I need to get the paint job done. I am just stuck in this house.
I just needed to get that off my chest.
OH so BEFORE the wedding you had no complaints. OKAY.
OH so BEFORE the wedding you had no complaints. OKAY.
He bought the house. She didn't like what he bought. Beige/Gray is boring... especially since she noted that all the bathroom appliances are gray with gray carpet. .. gray crown molding with beige appliances in some of the bathrooms, brass faucets and white wash oak cabinets. That's death.
To the original poster of that post. Rip it out. Oak can be refinished. Add granite, dark bronze hardware, Large mirror and through the toilet over the hill. If you don't want to do that, rip up the grey carpet. That's depressing and non-inviting.
Last edited by thegreenflute334; 12-06-2014 at 02:53 PM..
I'm not sure if this should be here, the Frugality or the Psychiatry forum but I need to rant somewhere!
Last fall my wife and I decided to sell and move. I absolutely LOVED the old house and poured my heart and soul into restoring it:
We lived there for 7 years and I loved it, even with all the home's quirks... from being too small for our family of 5, only one bathroom, a very inefficient 100 year old boiler, old electrical and (some) plumbing, non-standard EVERYTHING and even a ghost or 2! The biggest problem was that my wife didn't feel the same way about the place as I did; she wanted out.
Anyway, the market had picked up and it seemed like it was a good time to move on, so I finally gave in and my wife got the ball rolling.
Fast-forward to last January; our house sold for a modest profit and we had moved into our "new" house:
This house was a strategic move; it was nearly $100K cheaper than what our old house sold for and $140K cheaper than the average going price for homes in this city. It has 1/2 acre lot (twice the average lot size in this city) too and other than cosmetic stuff didn't require a huge amount of expensive work.
In other words, it was a cheap place to live that met the family's needs and could realistically be expected to appreciate in value over the next few years.
Of course there are cons; it's on a busy road for one... and, well look at it. I'm a hobby architecture fanatic and this place excites me like a Toyota Corolla excites a car guy. It sucks!
Well... at least in my head it does. It meets the family's needs well; tt's bigger than the old place (every kid gets their own room now), has 2 bathrooms (an unimaginable luxury in my world! ) and is in a city that ranks extremely high in safety, percent of owner occupated homes and desirablity.
It was also a rental previously and was not in the best of shape. There was (and still is) plenty of work to do.
This is why you don't paint latex over oil-based paint (thank you PO ):
Painting was the easy part, this was the prep-job from hell however.
Here's the swanky "log cabin" basement family room after some serious cleanup too:
Anyway, we are 3 months and dozens of hours into rehabbing the property and I still cannot bring myself to like this place. My wife and kids are really loving it but I can't stop missing the old house and have found myself falling into a deep depression over the situation. I thought I could get "attached" to the new house by working on it an "making it mine" but it's just not working.
How come doing the "smart thing" hurts so much? I hated being a bit house-poor but I hate hating the place I live even more. I know I should pull my head out of my ass and be greatful for being in what amounts to an excellent situation but damn... I just can't get over it.
How do you get over "old house love"?
Is it a bad thing to get too emotionally attached to a house... and why do people (like me!) get like that?
How do you learn to love a pig without wasting all your money on lipstick to "dress" it up?
Any advice, wisdom, random internet hate is welcome.
Actually, you need a second story on this house in order to like it... is all and trim up the first floor with a deck and you wll have to remove some of the concrete that is right next to the house. I will find a picture.
Psychological: I feel your pain! My previous house was amazing, hand built by a retired shipwright, remarkable place, huge stone fireplace outdoors, could go on forever. Had to sell for complicated (not financial) reasons, bought a condo, and actually had dreams for years of stalking my former house In my dream I'd slink around on the back hillside, sometimes slipping into the house, and get chased off by the owner. My condo has some remarkable features, I concentrated on decorating and it is lovely. What I came to with all my obsession over my former home is: at the end of the day, it's just a place to live. And, like a cockroach, I adjusted
Practical: From what I've read, you don't have tons of money to throw at redoing the exterior, or you could've just stayed in your former home! I'm a nature freak (fortunately my condo has massive ceilings and a deck/balcony off every room - I've created virtual forests and bird sanctuaries on them ...) - and the first thing I would do is bring in semi-mature plants for the front. I'd not be patient enough to wait 5 years for them to grow. I rented a home for several years recently on the opposite coast, and the bones looked similar to your new home. Unlike another poster, I -loved- greenery that was larger and imposing (will scrounge for pic but it's on my other computer).
The larger window on the left in my rental had nandina growing up to the window and the landlord-paid yard maintenance guy would keep those trimmed. I asked him please to let them grow naturally and they grew nicely above the bottom of the window. I had a dining table in that corner, and loved eating there because the view was greener and it gave protection from the street. The other plantings (mature) along the house were huge azaleas (this was in the South), and it was always such a pleasure to drive up and come home! On the right side I'd get something mature enough that it comes up to the bottom of those windows, taking away the emphasis on how small they are.
The only $$ I'd spend on the front contruction-wise would be to get rid of the concrete steps in favor of stone. Maybe I'd try painting them first when I painted the house to see if that worked, but in the end some wider steps with railing change and tons of greenery could make it charming
something like this. you also need to remove the short windows on the front and replace it with long windows. Get rid of the brick ( there is not much of it) move the door to the left and install three long windows like the picture above.. rip off the brick.. call a cement company and rip up some of the concrete by the house, add more concrete for steps, add columns with the front porch, and a second story. Paint it green with a red door
OH so BEFORE the wedding you had no complaints. OKAY.
Haha, no I never liked the house, but I didn't think that I should turn down a man I love bcs I hate his house. So is it what you suggest? That I should have turned him down bcs his house wasn't to my taste? I bet you would have rolled your eyes at me too, right? You soudn like that kind of person, no offence.
Haha, no I never liked the house, but I didn't think that I should turn down a man I love bcs I hate his house. So is it what you suggest? That I should have turned him down bcs his house wasn't to my taste? I bet you would have rolled your eyes at me too, right? You soudn like that kind of person, no offence.
I think the big question, is what kind of house did you have before you were married? Not all of us are into whether you married a man and would turn down his house, based on who he was.. Actually, there are some of us that just don't care... but what kind of house did you have before marrying him?
Haha, no I never liked the house, but I didn't think that I should turn down a man I love bcs I hate his house. So is it what you suggest? That I should have turned him down bcs his house wasn't to my taste? I bet you would have rolled your eyes at me too, right? You soudn like that kind of person, no offence.
I was gonna say as well that I believe it was a package deal at this point.
I don't think you sound spoiled at all, the house sounds bloody dreadful. It's bad enough you have to live in a monster sized house that is a pain to maintain and likely to not have any nice cozy spaces to settle in, but to have a monster house with awful, out of date finishes and colors in every room would overwhelm and drive me crazy too.
Unless there is absolutely no likelihood of ever selling for whatever reason (which hopefully is not the case- at an appropriate time I would make the case to do so for a happier life for the both of you) you are likely going to have to just try to pick a couple of spaces to call your own, create those changes that you want and make the best of it.
Good Luck. You've already made the right choice to choose your man along with his house because he's worth it, now hopefully you together will find a future that keeps you both happy and focused on what's important. Let's just hope he comes around to your way of thinking on what makes a nice home.
He bought the house. She didn't like what he bought. Beige/Gray is boring... especially since she noted that all the bathroom appliances are gray with gray carpet. .. gray crown molding with beige appliances in some of the bathrooms, brass faucets and white wash oak cabinets. That's death.
To the original poster of that post. Rip it out. Oak can be refinished. Add granite, dark bronze hardware, Large mirror and through the toilet over the hill. If you don't want to do that, rip up the grey carpet. That's depressing and non-inviting.
Hopefully we will end up ripping up the carpet. I have just been in this house a year and I never lived in a house before so all of those house things get so overwhelming.
We just cannot do everything at once (I wish) And we have to come to a compromise between my expensive taste (I wanted either wood floor or stone like travertine) and our budget imperative. Which would be : no more than 16000 to re-floor the whole 6115 sf. The living area (kitchen, living room etc) in tile and the bedroom area in carpet. I hate carpet bcs my husband and his family are so messy they constantly spill but I don't want to be battling for everything I want all the time. So I'll suck it up and be a dragon who never lets anyone bring any juice, coffee or food anywhere near the bedroom area (and by 35yo I will lose my voice from yelling so much )
How long does all this take?
We have like 6 bathroom to redo (1 big master, 3 small guests, 1 half bath, 1 mud room)
6000 sf of carpet to rip out and change with tile (bathrooms and living area) and new carpet (bedrooms)
Considering my husband will be doing all of it mostly by himself ( I have great fear for that bcs he is handy but
he is so chaotic, he made drawer dividers for our master and when he put the drawers back they were all crooked and now I just have crooked drawers so I am a little scared that he wants to do the tiling himslef...)
something like this. you also need to remove the short windows on the front and replace it with long windows. Get rid of the brick ( there is not much of it) move the door to the left and install three long windows like the picture above.. rip off the brick.. call a cement company and rip up some of the concrete by the house, add more concrete for steps, add columns with the front porch, and a second story. Paint it green with a red door
I don't know if Chango can go that extensive with the renovations and obviously the layout of his house is different then your example but that is one handsome little house. It would definitely bring back some of the Prairie Style detailing that he loves and misses from his old, beautiful house. I wonder if a front porch is viable (would be used, with a view or nice connection to the immediate neighborhood)- that would sure make a big difference.
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but I need to rant somewhere!
) and is in a city that ranks extremely high in safety, percent of owner occupated homes and desirablity. 
):
In my dream I'd slink around on the back hillside, sometimes slipping into the house, and get chased off by the owner. My condo has some remarkable features, I concentrated on decorating and it is lovely. What I came to with all my obsession over my former home is: at the end of the day, it's just a place to live. And, like a cockroach, I adjusted 
