Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I go to quite a few Jewish single's mixers, chabad houses, even shuls for the sake of dating Jewish (it's not something that mattered to me before, but I'd like to attempt it for the sake of a future family). And nothing is working. Frankly, there are so few attractive Jewish girls at these events that it's almost a parody of a bad sitcom. I mean, no offense to any Jewish girls from Chicago reading this post, but it's like an epidemic of overweight, blotchy, short, bad nosed, cliquish, yadda yadda. Okay, that sounds mean (I suppose I could rewrite this post for the sake of diplomacy...nah), but if you're a Jewish guy in the area (and perhaps other cities), am I that far off?
Maybe try some of the online Jewish dating websites?
FWIW, I think all girls are beautiful. People are just attracted to different types. So you haven't found "the one" yet. These girls aren't all unattractive, you're just not attracted to them. :-)
Well, someone really can't help if they are short or have less than beautiful features, so.....
Speaking as a woman who is a quintessential matchmaker - my advice is to go to one or two shuls regularly. You'll meet lots of single, presumably devout girls that way. Look for beauty on the inside first. As a female who was considered by many to be conventionally attractive in my younger years, men that were talking to me just based on if they liked how I looked were not attractive to me. I enjoyed people that looked past the outside and got to know me as a person first.
Smart men, to me, were always attractive, no matter what they looked like.
So, get to know people without thinking, "Is she pretty enough? Thin enough?" If there's still no attraction there, she might have a friend or sister that interests you. You never know!
Would love to see a post of the OP. I went to a Jewish university for undergrad and now a masters, where I also work in alumni relations - so I hear it all the time. And frankly, those complaining are the type that I would complain about.
For the last 18 months or so, I've been attending various Jewish singles and networking mixers in Chicago, not to mention other functions in shuls (several in the Lakeview neighborhood) and Chabad houses (in the Bucktown and Lincoln Park neighborhoods). My observations during so many of these events - and I did go in with the best intentions, with an open mind, dressed well, a little nervous, a little excited, once in a while with a friend - is for the most part, there were a lot of homely girls without the best personalities. I felt some, really too many were cliquish and already had their group of friends, that they were there just to hang out, eat free food at the Sushi Shabats or shuls, etc. Hell, some even showed up with their significant others at the single's events - what the hell? I have also used jdate for...maybe 6 months and had nothing but negative or mediocore experiences. No relationships, no real lasting friendships...just disappointment and frankly boredom.
On a superficial level, I guess the girl being skinny or at least lean is very important, perhaps too important. But that's what attracts me, and I honestly didn't see that in these functions or jdate. Is the problem thus me? Well, I won't compromise on weight, so there's that, but a lot of girls won't compromise on things like the guy can't be short or bald or unemployed, so I think it's fair having certain standards and deal-breakers.
And while it's not like I'm Cassanova in normal dating situations, I like to think I have a relatively normal dating life, where I meet girls at work, through friends, or at various functions. I've had 5 or 6 wonderful, meaningful relationships, some flings (though fewer with every year), quite a few bad dates, and a little of everything in between. A normal dating life Yet not with Jewish girls, and frankly I'm worn out from the effort.
While raising my kids Jewish has always been important to me, I'm at a bit of a crossroads here, because I clearly don't fit in these groups, yet am ready for a wife whom I love and loves me in turn. And I'm thinking her being Jewish isn't really in the works anymore, and I'm actually starting to accept that as well as the fact that my kids will likely not be raised in a Jewish household.
I just always feel like kind of an outsider always peering in (and don't get me started on the JCF - that's the worst). So I was wondering if it's just me, or if there are other guys who have had similar problems dating within our own community. Perhaps it's just the city itself, though I wasn't faring much better in Cleveland when I lived there either. I'm sure the girls in New York and LA have more the bodytype I look for, but I'm not moving to those places anytime soon.
For the last 18 months or so, I've been attending various Jewish singles and networking mixers in Chicago, not to mention other functions in shuls (several in the Lakeview neighborhood) and Chabad houses (in the Bucktown and Lincoln Park neighborhoods). My observations during so many of these events - and I did go in with the best intentions, with an open mind, dressed well, a little nervous, a little excited, once in a while with a friend - is for the most part, there were a lot of homely girls without the best personalities. I felt some, really too many were cliquish and already had their group of friends, that they were there just to hang out, eat free food at the Sushi Shabats or shuls, etc. Hell, some even showed up with their significant others at the single's events - what the hell? I have also used jdate for...maybe 6 months and had nothing but negative or mediocore experiences. No relationships, no real lasting friendships...just disappointment and frankly boredom.
On a superficial level, I guess the girl being skinny or at least lean is very important, perhaps too important. But that's what attracts me, and I honestly didn't see that in these functions or jdate. Is the problem thus me? Well, I won't compromise on weight, so there's that, but a lot of girls won't compromise on things like the guy can't be short or bald or unemployed, so I think it's fair having certain standards and deal-breakers.
And while it's not like I'm Cassanova in normal dating situations, I like to think I have a relatively normal dating life, where I meet girls at work, through friends, or at various functions. I've had 5 or 6 wonderful, meaningful relationships, some flings (though fewer with every year), quite a few bad dates, and a little of everything in between. A normal dating life Yet not with Jewish girls, and frankly I'm worn out from the effort.
While raising my kids Jewish has always been important to me, I'm at a bit of a crossroads here, because I clearly don't fit in these groups, yet am ready for a wife whom I love and loves me in turn. And I'm thinking her being Jewish isn't really in the works anymore, and I'm actually starting to accept that as well as the fact that my kids will likely not be raised in a Jewish household.
I just always feel like kind of an outsider always peering in (and don't get me started on the JCF - that's the worst). So I was wondering if it's just me, or if there are other guys who have had similar problems dating within our own community. Perhaps it's just the city itself, though I wasn't faring much better in Cleveland when I lived there either. I'm sure the girls in New York and LA have more the bodytype I look for, but I'm not moving to those places anytime soon.
I married a non-Jew. Some of my family didn't understand it at the time, but they were supportive. The difficulty with my husband's family has caused MAJOR life stress because of the difference in values/culture, etc. When I try to explain to them why I don't want the children doing certain things, they just can't understand it. We fight over food and holidays, of course, and they have tried to understand my perspective and accommodate our lifestyle, but they don't like it. Not only is it hard for us, but it has ruined the dreams they have had for how their relationship would be with their grandchildren. Basically, all the strife has caused a rift so large between myself and my in-laws that we hardly speak. It has affected their relationship with my children and my kids just don't understand why they (the grandparents) have a closer relationship with the cousins than with them. I know they don't do it on purpose, they just don't understand how to be part of the family without being Jewish. I try to include them, but they are very uncomfortable with it and don't want to be included in that part of our lives...and it permeates everything. There have been times of extreme pain for my children that I would do anything to take away.
All this to say...think long and hard before you decide to marry someone outside of your faith. My in-laws are very southern and not very cosmopolitan. My husband is the first generation to ever attend college. His parents had never met a Jew before. In some cases it would have worked out a lot better, but in ours the combination of cultural differences combined with religious differences made a very hard road.
But to your original problem. Have you considered relocating to an area that has more of a focus on health? When you describe the looks of the people within your local community it seems like the area maybe doesn't attract people with healthier life goals. Of course, Chicago is so cold so much of the year there isn't much opportunity to get out into nature and be fit. California? South Florida? I grew up in SoFL and their were plenty of beautiful Jewish girls there. Anywhere further south where there is sunshine and people are out running/biking/hiking/skiing/kayaking every day?
Also, what is your Myers Briggs type. I think that is very helpful for determining personality fit with a potential spouse.
Last edited by Ellen Pitts; 06-19-2013 at 01:31 PM..
Well, my employment and family situation pretty much restrict me to this region, plus I love Chicago so I don't see moving as a possibility. Ironically, a very good friend of mine just moved from Delaware to Chicago to meet Jewish women (it helps he has family in the North Shore). So far, he's had a more dismal time than I. Evidently the good ones are in the suburbs (now he's thinking of a Skokie move), but I do not have a car, and it isn't realistic that I'd go to the North Shore just to meet new women outside of the occasional event.
Myers Briggs...well, I haven't actually taken any of the exams. Something to do later this week on a computer that lets me access the entire Internet
I have a suspicion that eventually I will have to choose between marrying someone wonderful or always looking for a Jewish partner. And I'd much rather marry outside the faith and raise our children something else than live in solitude or marry someone just because she was Jewish. Better to compromise on my children's identity and be quietly unhappy about it rather than have no one in my life, no wife, no children, just endless searching. I'm closer to 32 than 31 so there are a few more years before I really have to decide; however, it's undeniable that I find non-Jewish girls more attractive and friendly (and they seem to respond to me as well, certainly more so than Jewish girls), and all of my previous relationships save for one have been with Muslim and Christian girls. The effort is there, but I don't see a lot of potential in Chicago.
And I'm sorry if this seems callous, but why are so many Jewish girls overweight (at least the ones at the functions I attend)? They weren't when I was in Hebrew school in the 90s, but so many of them seem to age badly. Frankly the most attractive Jewish girls in the city tend to be Russians, yet they, or at least the ones I've met, are overal quite materialistic and have not been interested in me on any platonic or intimate level. And I suppose that's how I feel about the average Jewish girl I've met (well, not the platonic aspect - always good to make a new friend), and while the irony doesn't escape me, it doesn't change my standards. Physical attraction matters.
If your main criteria for a Jewish girl is that she be good looking then I have two words for you:
Make aliyah.
The second-best option is to go on to general dating sites and message attractive girls who mention that they are Jewish. If you stick to the Jewish dating scene then you're going to be looking for a needle in the haystack.
Well, my employment and family situation pretty much restrict me to this region, plus I love Chicago so I don't see moving as a possibility. Ironically, a very good friend of mine just moved from Delaware to Chicago to meet Jewish women (it helps he has family in the North Shore). So far, he's had a more dismal time than I. Evidently the good ones are in the suburbs (now he's thinking of a Skokie move), but I do not have a car, and it isn't realistic that I'd go to the North Shore just to meet new women outside of the occasional event.
Myers Briggs...well, I haven't actually taken any of the exams. Something to do later this week on a computer that lets me access the entire Internet
I have a suspicion that eventually I will have to choose between marrying someone wonderful or always looking for a Jewish partner. And I'd much rather marry outside the faith and raise our children something else than live in solitude or marry someone just because she was Jewish. Better to compromise on my children's identity and be quietly unhappy about it rather than have no one in my life, no wife, no children, just endless searching. I'm closer to 32 than 31 so there are a few more years before I really have to decide; however, it's undeniable that I find non-Jewish girls more attractive and friendly (and they seem to respond to me as well, certainly more so than Jewish girls), and all of my previous relationships save for one have been with Muslim and Christian girls. The effort is there, but I don't see a lot of potential in Chicago.
And I'm sorry if this seems callous, but why are so many Jewish girls overweight (at least the ones at the functions I attend)? They weren't when I was in Hebrew school in the 90s, but so many of them seem to age badly. Frankly the most attractive Jewish girls in the city tend to be Russians, yet they, or at least the ones I've met, are overal quite materialistic and have not been interested in me on any platonic or intimate level. And I suppose that's how I feel about the average Jewish girl I've met (well, not the platonic aspect - always good to make a new friend), and while the irony doesn't escape me, it doesn't change my standards. Physical attraction matters.
If you can't move, focus on the internet search. I met my hubby on the internet and moved to be near him and his family because they were more stable than my family. Ha! So that didn't really work out. But maybe you'll find someone who will be willing to move near you.
If you can't find a Jew, maybe you can find someone who is interested in conversion?
Maybe the singles groups aren't the place to meet girls. Are there other Jewish activities through the JCC or something, like dance, yoga, athletics? There might be a whole group of Jewish women who feel the same way as you do about the singles groups.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Yet not with Jewish girls, and frankly I'm worn out from the effort. 
