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I appreciate everyones comments and insight, even though I do not agree with everything I have read.
I find it interesting that I mention I am a little overweight and someone implies losing weight would eliminate the dating issue. Of course the more attractive and fit someone is, the more options they have. Here it seems more important. In Minnesota my weight did not prevent me from dating. I am not really that overweight, but maybe based on Maui standards I am.
Am I really the only person on here who feels that Maui has a worse alcohol/drug problem than your typical mainland state??? Not only am I referring to people I work with, but also places I have lived.
The combination of people always moving away, and those who are here but remain distant with people who have lived here only a few years makes things difficult when trying to develop friendships. It is like a double whammy. It is bad enough that most people move away within a year because that already limits the number of potential friends here on Maui. Then you need to remain here 2-5 years before people who live here will let you into their circle.
I am not even sure if it matters but I am 37 and work as a server. Of course servers are known for drinking and partying. I am not into that. My party days are over.
At this point I need to plan a trip back to Minnesota and spend a couple of weeks there. At that point I should gain a better understanding of where I feel more happy. However, once the snow and cold return, I am sure I will miss Maui. I also am unsure about how badly I want to invest 3 more years here because then I will be 40.
You guys and your 2-year rules for friends are funny, you make it sound like you are evaluating people for long-term romantic relationships. I've met a couple of people when traveling I was lucky to meet and will count as friends for my lifetime. You never know when you will meet a friend. Thankfully I didn't know about the 2-year rule.
I suppose an alternative view is you're doing them a favor with your rule.
I understand the OP's feelings perfectly. When we moved to Maui 10 years ago we were ecstatic to start a new life on the island. First, we live Upcountry because we wanted to be where the locals live and integrate into their neighborhoods. We started going to a local church where everyone seemed friendly and welcoming - on Sunday. After a few weeks I realized that no one asked us to their house for dinner or to go out for dinner or breakfast. We finally did that. Long story short we made friends with 3 couples and occasionally went out but not to each other's homes very often and only one couple did. I started to make friends with another woman who I thought was enjoying my company as I did hers but she was just filling in until I found more friends as it turned out. We also had to leave the island for a time for my husband's work so that disrupted things. We would come back and we would see the same couples on Sunday but that would be it or we would go out to breakfast after church. These particular women had to be with their husbands a lot of the time so no girlfriend time was spent or very little. I tried other organizations and what I decided was that one can make superficial friendships on Maui but very hard to get close to them. Being Upcountry also was like being in New England where everyone knows you if your family has been there a hundred years otherwise you are an outsider. It was a very subtle feeling that you got from the locals that you were not from HI - just a temporary resident, and that's what we became because of this exclusionary attitude. We.just couldn't figure it out why after trying our best to be friendly and, yes, asking them to do things that we could only go so far. Please understand that we are the friendliest of people who enjoy meeting people and getting to know them.
We found it very hard. Now all three couples have moved - to the mainland or Oahu. So, you know what? We are, too! We're thinking of Tucson and to a +55 community where everyone will be or have been in the same boat. Hopefully, we'll meet one or two couples who will want to make friends and it doesn't matter if they're Snow Birds! We'll still have our timeshare so Maui will be a place we visit but never to live there again. Kinda sad.
Besides being overweight - the bolded part above is likely an issue for your dating challenges. Women tend to strive for something with a higher education level and career path.
You guys and your 2-year rules for friends are funny, you make it sound like you are evaluating people for long-term romantic relationships. I've met a couple of people when traveling I was lucky to meet and will count as friends for my lifetime. You never know when you will meet a friend. Thankfully I didn't know about the 2-year rule.
I suppose an alternative view is you're doing them a favor with your rule.
The "two-year rule" is in Chapter 3 of Leialiʻi Harvey's upcoming book, "Act Like One Haole, Think Like One Local: Adapting to Hawaiʻi as a Malihini."
Well its obvious things are not extremely black & white regarding thoughts, rules or ideals about life in Hawaii otherwise we wouldn't be talkstorying with alot of you and i wouldn't have met my first gorgeous japanese girlfriend in Hawaii back so long ago that sweetly broke my heart as her and her ohana moved back to japan under 2 years. Most things you hear are really meant as guideposts.
As for what the OP was saying about the social ills now in Hawaii nei. These are just examples of extremes or things getting unbalanced. The traditional native cultures of kanaka maoli and native americans had taught the solution to unbalance is in the past culture and spirituality. But thats a different topic.
Besides being overweight - the bolded part above is likely an issue for your dating challenges. Women tend to strive for something with a higher education level and career path.
How's the dating scene for mean jerks ?
Last edited by Green_Mountain; 05-26-2015 at 11:53 AM..
I find it funny that it is assumed I have a low education level when indeed I have a masters degree. I just found that on Maui I make more money as a server than in my field of eduction.
The "two-year rule" is in Chapter 3 of Leialiʻi Harvey's upcoming book, "Act Like One Haole, Think Like One Local: Adapting to Hawaiʻi as a Malihini."
Is this available for pre~order yet?
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and i wouldn't have met my first gorgeous japanese girlfriend in Hawaii back so long ago that sweetly broke my heart as her and her ohana moved back to japan under 2 years.
Most things you hear are really meant as guideposts.
