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First off, please don't get me wrong. Maui is an amazing and very special place. However, after living here nearly two years, I find a lot lacking in my personal life. I will likely move back to Minnesota within another year or two and maybe even sooner. For my personality, Maui is best served as a place to vacation and not a place to live. I have met a lot of people who feel similar. Many people come here expecting to find paradise with little to no challenges and most of them move away within a few months.
Everywhere you look could be a front page picture on a magazine. The weather is nearly perfect all of the time. The list of positives can go on and on.
However...
My main concern is regarding making friends. I have made some great friends here and many of them move away. I mean, it is nice to have friends all over the world but definitely a lot lacking in life to not have quality friends here.
Also, many people seem nice, and they probably are, but with so many issues of drugs and alcohol abuse on Maui, people turn into completely different people. These people are often times impossible to live with and also not fun to hang out with with they take things to such an extreme with over the top behaviors when under the influence of their drug of choice.
I am not trying to judge these people. We all make our own choices in life. At the same time, I cannot understand why so many feel the need to find happiness in excessive drug/alcohol use when we live in paradise.
When I leave, it will not be because of the high cost of living, or island fever or whatever else people use as excuses. My reason will clearly be that I miss friends and family and the quality of friendships I have made here is not nearly the same level as back home.
And I have not even gotten to the topic of dating yet. Dating here sucks. Back in Minnesota, I had no issues dating or having girlfriends but here is so different. Unless a person is physically fit, it can be quite difficult to date here. As a guy, it seems the ratio of guys to women is definitely not in the guys favor.
For those of you who live here, and especially those who at one point lived on the mainland, do you agree with any of my thoughts here?
And I have not even gotten to the topic of dating yet. Dating here sucks. Back in Minnesota, I had no issues dating or having girlfriends but here is so different. Unless a person is physically fit, it can be quite difficult to date here.
Have you considered getting physically fit - seems that would mitigate the issue.
Of course getting physically fit was be ideal for my personal health as well as expanding my dating options. I am not obese but I can shed a few pounds. This still will not improve my other concerns about living here.
Personally happiness is a state of mind. I think the problem you mention with Hawaii and happiness is its the same problem everywhere in modern thinking society. We as spiritual beings having a human experience have learned to lean way to much on the outside to find happiness. When we are always focused on tomorrow and what we don't have, we forget that paradise and happiness is in the moment or present. This is really difficult to obtain in an society that demands a faster pace to keep up economicly. Our auntie and uncles generations were better at hanging loose or living for the moment and ICE was unheard of in Hawaii.
Also i forgot to say happiness is also not joy all the time. One wouldn't know happiness without turbulence.
Last edited by hawaiian by heart; 05-24-2015 at 11:19 PM..
Location: not sure, but there's a hell of a lot of water around here!
2,682 posts, read 7,573,335 times
Reputation: 3882
Quote:
Originally Posted by mauimauimaui
For those of you who live here, and especially those who at one point lived on the mainland, do you agree with any of my thoughts here?
You come to Maui knowing you're going to be a short term resident and find it hard to make friends? What did you expect? When I meet new folks out on the water or down at the beach, the moment they mention that they've been here for only a year or two, a little switch goes off in my head and I no longer give them a second thought. It's not lack of 'Aloha', it's just 'why bother'. All of my friends in Hawaii have been here for at least 20 years, if not longer.
You come to Maui knowing you're going to be a short term resident and find it hard to make friends? What did you expect? When I meet new folks out on the water or down at the beach, the moment they mention that they've been here for only a year or two, a little switch goes off in my head and I no longer give them a second thought. It's not lack of 'Aloha', it's just 'why bother'. All of my friends in Hawaii have been here for at least 20 years, if not longer.
Give my regards to the Mainland
If you don't give people a second thought and others feel the same, it's no wonder people find it hard to make friends. Maybe if you would reach out and invite someone into your circle of friends they would stay on the island. We spent a lot of years in Maui and I was quite surprised by your negative answer.
When I meet new folks out on the water or down at the beach, the moment they mention that they've been here for only a year or two, a little switch goes off in my head and I no longer give them a second thought. It's not lack of 'Aloha', it's just 'why bother'. All of my friends in Hawaii have been here for at least 20 years, if not longer.
To play devil's advocate, at what point does a "temporary" person become "permanent"? If they have been on the Island for 5+ years, is it now acceptable to engage with them? Or, how can one be sure that the individual who has only been on the island for 1-2 years is going to leave? And finally, when you moved to the Islands - albeit 20+ years ago - did it take you years to establish friendships due to the "why bother" attitude?
I do not mean any disrespect with these questions as I know that many do leave after a couple years; I am just curious.
Location: not sure, but there's a hell of a lot of water around here!
2,682 posts, read 7,573,335 times
Reputation: 3882
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellwood
We spent a lot of years in Maui and I was quite surprised by your negative answer.
It's not a negative answer, it's realistic. Hawaii is 'cursed' with this label 'paradise'. People come over here ALL THE TIME expecting some kind of a mythical Island solution to their problems. Hell, if it's indeed 'paradise' how can anything possibly go wrong? ANYONE moving here expecting an environment even remotely similar to 'paradise' is just setting themselves up for disappointment and heartbreak. And you 'spent' a lot of years on Maui, why didn't you stay?
Location: Southernmost tip of the southernmost island in the southernmost state
982 posts, read 1,164,105 times
Reputation: 1652
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jungjohann
You come to Maui knowing you're going to be a short term resident and find it hard to make friends? What did you expect? When I meet new folks out on the water or down at the beach, the moment they mention that they've been here for only a year or two, a little switch goes off in my head and I no longer give them a second thought. It's not lack of 'Aloha', it's just 'why bother'. All of my friends in Hawaii have been here for at least 20 years, if not longer.
I completely agree, I have the same reaction when I meet someone and they mention they are battling cancer. I mean, why bother, good chance they won't be around in a year or two right?
Okay, that was just to make a point-please don't flame me! I find both Jungo's (real) and my (fake) postions equally reprehensible.
Why bother? Well, unless your social structure is only comprised of 1-2 year transplants then you should easily be able to deal with those that do decide to leave the islands. It's not like every one of your group of friends won't make it.
Why bother? Well, if everyone felt the same way, wouldn't that leave transplants in the position that their entire social network would be other 1-2 year transplants? And if so, then how are they going to learn all those subtle social nuances that help folks to integrate (after all, it is often said Hawaii is more like another country than another state)? wouldn't the friendship of established locals help transplants better assimilate? Transplants learning to live Aloha and abandon their mainland attitudes, that to me is a win-win.
If I employed the same logic, I would never make friends when I travel or am on vacations either .
Why bother? Better question is "why not"?
Jungo, I have marked my calendar and will be sending you a CityData friend request in exactly 13 months
It's great that you have a definite reason for leaving, "My reason will clearly be that I miss friends and family and the quality of friendships I have made here is not nearly the same level as back home."
Not that you're looking for advice (maybe you are), but that type of emotional connection takes many years. I don't know how old you are or anything else about you, but if you want to have that from Maui I think you need to reshape your existence on the island.
Biggest problem I observe is not a "mainland vs. island" mentality, but rather a "city vs. country" mentality. Maui to me is just like my small town back East, but tropical. The slow pace, the close-knit relationships, etc. If you don't like, or want to adapt to, a country lifestyle then you'll have a very wonderful 1 or 2 year vacation.
Perhaps that is what you found OP: there is something else you want in life and Maui does not have it. The journey continues...
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