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I understand not being a risk taker, I'm not much of one either. But if you're really thinking of taking your life, you've got nothing to lose. Nothing you try could make you any more miserable than that. Just this once, take the plunge. Try that off-the-wall thing. And if it doesn't work out for you, try something else. Tell yourself suicide is something you can always do later. And then tell yourself again if you have to. And I really believe that something will work out and later will never come.
Yes^^^yes^^^yes^^^ What do you have to lose? You've already lost everything. The rest is just. . . stuff. That can be replaced. If you try something and it doesn't work out, then at least you will have bumped yourself out of your dark hole. A note of common sense though, b/c I suspect you think we're giving you advice that no sane person would ever follow: leave yourself enough money in a savings acct to get a small place and to live cheaply for a few months and then spend the rest of it on your excellent adventure.
Have you ever considered focusing your efforts on helping others? It might help to get your mind off of you. It can also be very rewarding.
I have done that. I was a Big Brother and sort of failed at it. I think I did it because I felt like my chance to have kids ended when my wife left. Not a good reason to do that. But as I got more and more depressed, I told Big Brothers Big Sisters I couldn't do it anymore. I hated letting this kid down, but I also felt like in my current state I couldn't make a difference for him. I feel a lot of guilt over that.
I have done that. I was a Big Brother and sort of failed at it. I think I did it because I felt like my chance to have kids ended when my wife left. Not a good reason to do that. But as I got more and more depressed, I told Big Brothers Big Sisters I couldn't do it anymore. I hated letting this kid down, but I also felt like in my current state I couldn't make a difference for him. I feel a lot of guilt over that.
Why do you feel like you let the kid down?
You are a 43 year old man, right? Men are capable of impregnating women at much higher ages. You are most certainly not ineligible to have children at this point in your life.
And I don't mean this in a "I'm coming on to you" way, but your pic shows a good looking, positive, confident dude. So, why do you feel so hopeless in attracting another mate?
You are a 43 year old man, right? Men are capable of impregnating women at much higher ages. You are most certainly not ineligible to have children at this point in your life.
And I don't mean this in a "I'm coming on to you" way, but your pic shows a good looking, positive, confident dude. So, why do you feel so hopeless in attracting another mate?
I feel like I let the kid down because it was a 2 year commitment and I only stuck with it for a little over a year. I sort of dropped off the face of the earth as far as he was concerned after that. It was/is the depression, but I don't want to make an excuse. So I feel guilty.
Those pics were taken earlier this year when I was feeling better and believed I had opportunities. But confidence has always been an issue (I obviously faked it for the picture). I feel hopeless in attracting another mate because of the confidence issue and career disaster (that sounds like I'm exagerrating, but I'm not). Add to that the woman I fully expected to spend my life with divorcing me (I still love her), and I don't trust or feel confident around women. And the flip side is I still want a woman in my life to eventually marry. As for having kids, who wants to be an old Father? Plus, attracting women in their early 30's seems to suddenly be an issue. So there's a lot going on with me, obviously, and it repels women. But I appreciate the compliment on the picture.
I feel like I let the kid down because it was a 2 year commitment and I only stuck with it for a little over a year. I sort of dropped off the face of the earth as far as he was concerned after that. It was/is the depression, but I don't want to make an excuse. So I feel guilty.
Those pics were taken earlier this year when I was feeling better and believed I had opportunities. But confidence has always been an issue (I obviously faked it for the picture). I feel hopeless in attracting another mate because of the confidence issue and career disaster (that sounds like I'm exagerrating, but I'm not). Add to that the woman I fully expected to spend my life with divorcing me (I still love her), and I don't trust or feel confident around women. And the flip side is I still want a woman in my life to eventually marry. As for having kids, who wants to be an old Father? Plus, attracting women in their early 30's seems to suddenly be an issue. So there's a lot going on with me, obviously, and it repels women. But I appreciate the compliment on the picture.
Why do you believe that you have experienced a career disaster? I apologize if you already explained it in this gigantic thread. If you did, could you provide a link or post number?
I believe that in your 40s, you are in your prime. You are in your peak earning years as far as your career goes. You are in your sexual prime (experienced). I'm just about 26 now, and I feel like I have a ways to go before I've hit my peaks. You are there, man. Take advantage!
For someone like me, who has some experience with anxiety and mild depression, I understand what you are feeling. I really do think that a large part of of the depression has to do with your mindset and outlook. Simply thinking about the plethora of opportunities you have can make a world of difference in how you feel. But when you embrace a gloomy outlook, that is likely how you are going to feel.
Unless I'm missing a large piece of the puzzle, I would imagine that you have options available to you in order to get your life back on track. I hope that you consider those before you do something permanent and tragic.
I'm not trivializing the effects of a ruined life, maybe it will get me in the end, but some of the little stuff like this that has been mentioned on the thread might add up to something.
Please don't do kill yourself...think of your family and what they will go thru...and your future, what about children someday and a wonderful life.. go to God...he will help you! I promise.
Stepka, I no longer know. In my career search I've thought about what I could do different that would get me excited. Then I think about all the school I'd have to go back and get and the fact that I've already done a Bachelor's and 5 more years on top of it for my dying career. So I don't have the career answer, despite hiring half a dozen "career coaches" over the last decade.
Personally, I just want to travel. If I could really start over and really make it work, I'd move to Spain, learn Spanish, get a job with an American company doing U.S. investments, and marry a Spanish woman. But thats not reality. At the very least, I want to find a job I can enjoy in a new city and get rid of this prison of a house I was married in, which is full of memories I wish I could forget.
My life has caved in and I'm isolating myself more and more. Stopped talking to friends (they're tired of the depression). Very few real job prospects. I really don't know what to do. Every major decision I make backfires.
If you want to travel why not get a job in the travel industry for starters, see if you like it? At least it would bet you out and you'd be earning money while you travel. You could sell your house since you'd be "on the road/or sea" most of the time. The new sights and experiences might be more enjoyable then sitting in your house. And, most of the people will be strangers so they don't have to know about your depression, you can re-invent yourself! Oh, and sell the house ASAP, it is dragging you down and the market isn't going to improve in the near future. It is an emotional and physical liability for you at this point.
i think about suicide more and more as life goes on.
Sometimes, life seems pointless to me. Everyday is just struggle. No joy. I hate waking up in the morning.
I sometimes pray that God will allow me to not wake up in the morning, but that doesn't work.
I don't like living, I have no friends, no wife, no kids, a job I hate. whats the point? Why go through the motions of life when one can't stand it.
I hate my life. Suicide will be in my future too
Yeah I hate that feeling. I have it and had it weave in and out of my life. You say you pray, have you sought help from your religion's clergy? They could offer free guidance and assistance. In the meantime, can you find any way to relax, enjoy or do something you can look forward to(exercise, hobbies, even just visits to a local park or restaurant, whatever place you enjoy).
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If you want to travel why not get a job in the travel industry for starters, see if you like it? At least it would bet you out and you'd be earning money while you travel. You could sell your house since you'd be "on the road/or sea" most of the time. The new sights and experiences might be more enjoyable then sitting in your house. And, most of the people will be strangers so they don't have to know about your depression, you can re-invent yourself! Oh, and sell the house ASAP, it is dragging you down and the market isn't going to improve in the near future. It is an emotional and physical liability for you at this point.