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Boy if this isn't the truth - and THANK YOU for saying it. If you do not fit into the happy family scene then forget living here, especially if you don't have family in this state. Seriously. I am so SO tired of hearing about who is pregnant, who just had a kid, who is trying for a kid, whose kid just did what that it is like I am invisible. And then you are some heartless bastard if you don't start every conversation with a "how is your kid" question, although god forbid anyone ask about your life. I get a sense that if you haven't procreated you aren't important. And hey that is fine, these corn-fed (have definitely seen a lot of that) folks can keep this area and the crappy weather and those of us who fit on the fringes for other reasons will move on to cities where there are more subcultures or people open to other alternatives to the standard house, dog, couple of kids, two Yukons in the garage set up pervasive in this area.
This is a fine place to raise a family - I can get that. But if you don't fit in that description for whatever reason - choice, life stage, etc - then this is not likely going to be a good fit for you.
I think that's based on where you're living, rather than anything specifically Minnesota. Sounds like you picked the wrong neighborhood and need to find some new friends. Inevitably no matter where you are if you're in your 30s you're going to hear about people having kids -- as many people do, in all parts of the country -- but certainly there are lots of Minnesotans out there who don't. And if you don't want a house and a big garage and Yukons, well, why not choose a neighborhood where that's not the norm? No need to leave the state to find an alternative. (In Minneapolis, for example, fewer than 25% of households have kids under the age of 18. There are still lots of single family houses, but if you don't want to live in one then there are lots of alternatives at a variety of price points). Nothing wrong with moving, either, just pick your neighborhood wisely or you'll end up in exactly the same situation. I'm also going to guess that you're imagining some of this -- most people don't care if you have kids or not. Maybe they ask you if you have kids as casual small talk, just like people ask about what you do for a living. And I doubt they care if you ask about their kid or not.
I live by Lex and Grand in St Paul, not the suburbs. While its not that hip happening downtown area of Minneapolis, its not Apple Valley either. Frankly I don't see much value in downtown to go live there and extend my work commute (to the suburbs) for.. what exactly? More bars? A desolate street scape in the winter with no people out and about at night?
I mentioned to my partner the other day that this is the most suburban city we have ever lived in. Most every neighborhood looks the same - be it in St Paul or Minneapolis - the same post-war shoeboxes. How is that any different than living in the suburbs? How many times can you go around Lake Calhoun if you live over there? How many times can you ride along the Mississippi River if you live over here? I like my neighborhood, but there are just as many two kids, the dog and the Yukon folks here as in the suburbs. If I worked downtown and it was more vibrant then perhaps I would have lived there and it would have been slightly better, but for me there is an overall vibe of the new that is missing here.
Look, I am fully accepting that this is not the right city for me - between the people, the weather, the sense of isolation - and I am moving on later in the year. What I want in life can't be found in the TC, and that should be ok, not seen as some sort of personal weakness that I don't see this town as Shangri-La.
I live by Lex and Grand in St Paul, not the suburbs. While its not that hip happening downtown area of Minneapolis, its not Apple Valley either. Frankly I don't see much value in downtown to go live there and extend my work commute (to the suburbs) for.. what exactly? More bars? A desolate street scape in the winter with no people out and about at night?
I mentioned to my partner the other day that this is the most suburban city we have ever lived in. Most every neighborhood looks the same - be it in St Paul or Minneapolis - the same post-war shoeboxes. How is that any different than living in the suburbs? How many times can you go around Lake Calhoun if you live over there? How many times can you ride along the Mississippi River if you live over here? I like my neighborhood, but there are just as many two kids, the dog and the Yukon folks here as in the suburbs. If I worked downtown and it was more vibrant then perhaps I would have lived there and it would have been slightly better, but for me there is an overall vibe of the new that is missing here.
Look, I am fully accepting that this is not the right city for me - between the people, the weather, the sense of isolation - and I am moving on later in the year. What I want in life can't be found in the TC, and that should be ok, not seen as some sort of personal weakness that I don't see this town as Shangri-La.
So in other words you're living in a neighborhood that's not a good match. I still don't get your point. People have kids in other cities, too. People have dogs in other cities. People drive cars in other cities. I agree that many neighborhoods in the core cities are rather suburban in nature, but still, there are options. There aren't as many of them as in other, bigger cities, but they still exist. And really, if only a quarter of households have kids, is it really fair to argue that one is some sort of oddity if you don't have children? It puts you in the solid majority. I don't care if you like or don't like Minneapolis or St. Paul, but think that the idea that you only fit in if you have some sort of two kids-and-a-dog-lifestyle is an unwarranted stereotype.
I lived in Minneapolis for 15 years and moved away in 2010 - first to Austin TX, then to Durham NC. I'm from Wisconsin and had lived in Minneapolis nearly my entire adult life, but I don't expect to return.
What wasn't right for me:
1) As Sondra said, it's hard to fit in if you don't have kids. Nearly every work/neighborhood conversation revolved around kid stuff - and I lived in south Minneapolis, with a bunch of liberal new-urbanist types, not out in the 'burbs. Uptown urbanist - if you have children yourself, or if you're in your 20's, or maybe if you're a male of any age (because in my experience, this is a mostly female social difficulty), you may not have noticed this. It's not that people shun you, or that people are unkind; you just sort of....don't exist on their radar as a childless person, starting around 26-30 years old. Nearing age 40, it was very difficult to fit in socially. And believe me, I tried! In group settings, women would naturally talk about their kids, exchanging stories or tips, talking about schools, and after a little while I'd run out of anything to say, so the conversation would go on for a long time with me just trying to listen attentively and seem friendly. Occasionally someone would stop and ask a polite question about my dog in this context - I'm not kidding. It was painful.
I like museums, nice restaurants, a glass of wine in a quiet bar, concerts....not happening, unless I hung out with much younger coworkers (which I did sometimes). People my own age generally seemed to make any new friendships through their kids' day care or school.
In the places I've lived since, this has been much less of a problem.
2) The cold. I'm from Wisconsin but never liked winter. However, it was only after moving that I realized how oppressive the cold had been, how long the winters really are, and how much EASIER life is without it. I am happy never to scrape a windshield, shovel a walk, warm up a car, or hunch over while scurrying from a restaurant to a parking spot in the bitter wind. I love hot weather, so the crazy heat of TX and NC is great for me.
3) The culture. Almost everyone in Minneapolis is from nearby, and many people well into their 30's keep their college or even high school friends as their main social circle. I'm a pretty outgoing person and even after 15 years of working, volunteering, participating in every kind of activity from running groups to cooking classes, I had many 'friends' with whom I'd get together for a drink or coffee every once in a while. I had social plans whenever I wanted them. But the friendships never progressed - we didn't hang out at each other's homes, or go on trips for fun, or talk about anything beyond lighthearted chatter (or work). Invitations by me never seemed to go anywhere. It seemed like people had already filled their good-friend positions, and new relationships stayed at arms' length. (I was so surprised when I moved to Texas and easily made three good friends in a few months. I really thought there was something wrong with ME, or that it just isn't possible to make new friends after college. In Texas when the neighbors said the first time we met, "We should have a beer," it took me several minutes to realize that they were actually inviting me to have a beer. Like, now. At their house, where there was beer waiting - not in some metaphorical, nonexistent future as in the Minnesota version: "We should have coffee...sometime").
With that said, there were a few things I didn't appreciate enough about Minneapolis while I was there:
1) The bike paths! It was so glorious to be able to get where I needed to go, very often on a separate lane off the street. And it's so flat! I took my years of easy bike commuting for granted. Biking in most places means taking your life in your hands - few bike lanes, and people aren't used to watching for cyclists.
2) The dance performance scene. Actually, I did appreciate it quite a bit - all the great professional dance companies there. Brilliant.
3) Somali culture - I had a bunch of Somali coworkers and friends, and I never met people who were more friendly, open, talkative, and interested in philosophy and history. I was used hearing Somali spoken everywhere, people arguing good-naturedly in coffee shops, people shopping in Target. I even (kinda) miss those stewed goat dishes with a side of bananas I haven't seen a single Somali person since I left the state.
4) Public transit (and public services generally) - not always great by big-city standards, but definitely better than in the South.
OP, I say head to Texas (I'd probably pick Austin or even Dallas over Houston, but to each his/her own)! You can always go back if you want. I found it very freeing to move...it was much less difficult than I had imagined, and getting a new perspective turned out to be helpful in other areas of my life.
I lived in Minneapolis for 15 years and moved away in 2010 - first to Austin TX, then to Durham NC. I'm from Wisconsin and had lived in Minneapolis nearly my entire adult life, but I don't expect to return.
OP, I say head to Texas (I'd probably pick Austin or even Dallas over Houston, but to each his/her own)! You can always go back if you want. I found it very freeing to move...it was much less difficult than I had imagined, and getting a new perspective turned out to be helpful in other areas of my life.
Well Houston seems like a good fit for me. I am looking to be in a city somewhat similar to St Paul, (League City) and have the coast nice and close! so 30 min one way I have the big city of Houston and then 30 minutes the other way i am on the coast sitting by the ocean. Seems like perfection to me!
When we first moved away, I missed the Twin Cities. Even as recent as 6 months ago, we were thinking of moving back. There are a lot of very good reasons to live there. Now, I've had a complete change of heart and have no interest in moving back for all the same reasons that losadair's post cites.
Trying out a new place to see how it fits you vs what you've always known is a good way to find out where fits you best even if it's neither. Houston though? Aside from the weather, again with the same amount of the year off limits due to extreme temperatures, why go to a warmer Burnsville/Eagan/Roseville/Plymouth of all places? It's not like you absolutely have to sacrifice culture for a banal American cultural void. Any of the biggest cities in CA best anywhere in TX save Austin vs Sacramento. Not to mention that depending on what you consider "warm" you have many superior options: Seattle, Denver, and Savannah offer a way better setting than Houston ever could.
Trying out a new place to see how it fits you vs what you've always known is a good way to find out where fits you best even if it's neither. Houston though? Aside from the weather, again with the same amount of the year off limits due to extreme temperatures, why go to a warmer Burnsville/Eagan/Roseville/Plymouth of all places? It's not like you absolutely have to sacrifice culture for a banal American cultural void. Any of the biggest cities in CA best anywhere in TX save Austin vs Sacramento. Not to mention that depending on what you consider "warm" you have many superior options: Seattle, Denver, and Savannah offer a way better setting than Houston ever could.
I don't particularly like Houston -- and I couldn't handle the weather -- but it's not that bad! Certainly not a cultural void. It's actually a pretty interesting place. It's one of the most diverse metro areas in the country, and there's plenty of culture of all kinds. It's also a good museum and arts city.
But it's true that certainly there are plenty of interesting warm-weather locations out there to choose from.
I've always liked the quote, "whenever you go, there YOU are". YOU make the difference in your attitude about a place. I have a lot admiration for those that have chosen to live in the Twin Cities and have put down solid roots. I thought that was going to be us when we started a family. While I have some regrets after living in MSP for 17 years, I am glad for the experience and for the knowledge of the area and state.
This is a useful thread for me, too--at least some of the posts.
I've lived in Mpls all my life, for the most part. Have lived abroad a couple times, but always came back. Now, though I feel it's different.
I'm middle-aged with very little close family left in the area. Can't see myself shoveling snow at 70 (knock on wood!) plus the day length and daylight in the winter months is more depressing every year.
Too, the metro area has grown hugely in the decades I've been here. There are some very nice aspects to the metro area currently, but the size and concomitant problems make - to quote a favorite movie line - my ***** twitch.
I'm planning to visit some cities in NC in the hot months to check them out, in the hopes of finding a congenial match to move to.
It's a hard thing to judge, even based on a visit. But it's kind of an adventure also.
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I haven't seen a single Somali person since I left the state. 
