Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Correct. Some districts do not allow PARENTS to decide to retain their child (in fact, MOST school districts probably will not let the parents drive such a decision -- and making this decision properly involves the child study team, evaluations, etc which is complicated). And some districts are against retention and rarely - if ever - do it. There are many kids operating well below grade level due to learning disabilities, so they prefer to give support rather than retain the child (in fact, this keeps their special ed staff when they can identify x# of kids needing support each year). But the support may not be adequate, and probably does not solve a problem of social fit with the grade, which the school staff is less concerned with.
Also, FYI, having a summer/fall birthday often means the child has to play sports with the grade below due to league cutoffs. I know several parents of boys with summer birthdays that are constantly upset that their child can't play with his grade and must play with the grade below. And some of these boys struggle in school too, so on several levels, they wish they'd known to hold them back.
And tahiti, I could have predicted you had a child with a spring birthday given it bothers you so much. The summer/fall birthdays are much more in the grey area. The spring birthdays are more noticeable because they turn the next age DURING the school year. The summer/fall birthdays are transparent...and in fact while everyone else turns the next age during the school year, they feel younger because all the kids are the next age. This is not a decision taken lightly by the families in this situation. They may just opt for the safest approach, which is more often than not recommended by teachers, psychologists, and other parents.
Last edited by snuffybear; 05-18-2012 at 10:06 AM..
How about Rockland County, New York? I understand many towns there have Novermber 30 cut-offs. Many Rockland towns are within commuting distance to Wayne.
what do you mean it's not your choice to retain? skip ahead I understand, but i've never heard that you can't retain your child.
sheesh. sometimes i wonder if i should've held my kids back - may birthdays. not because they weren't ready emotionally or academically, but just to make them the "oldest" - which btw right now they WOULD not be because there are people holding back march and april kids. it's absolute insanity.
OP, it might be worth considering that redshirting is increasingly common in many NJ towns these days. To the above point, my 3 year old son has a late March birthday, and when he started preschool, we were told that based on the current makeup of the classes at our neighborhood elementary, he'll very likely be one of the younger kids in his class, and probably one of the youngest boys--his birthday is 7 months before the cutoff!. I'd personally be a bit uncomfortable having my still 4 y/o in the same class with kids who are on the verge of turning 7--2 full years just such a huge age difference.
I'm not aware of any NJ districts that prohibit redshirting (I know it's a huge issue in Chicago, where they've banned redshirting in their magnet schools and many parents are outraged about it), but there may be a few out there.
Correct. Some districts do not allow PARENTS to decide to retain their child (in fact, MOST school districts probably will not let the parents drive such a decision -- and making this decision properly involves the child study team, evaluations, etc which is complicated). And some districts are against retention and rarely - if ever - do it. There are many kids operating well below grade level due to learning disabilities, so they prefer to give support rather than retain the child (in fact, this keeps their special ed staff when they can identify x# of kids needing support each year). But the support may not be adequate, and probably does not solve a problem of social fit with the grade, which the school staff is less concerned with.
Also, FYI, having a summer/fall birthday often means the child has to play sports with the grade below due to league cutoffs. I know several parents of boys with summer birthdays that are constantly upset that their child can't play with his grade and must play with the grade below. And some of these boys struggle in school too, so on several levels, they wish they'd known to hold them back.
And tahiti, I could have predicted you had a child with a spring birthday given it bothers you so much. The summer/fall birthdays are much more in the grey area. The spring birthdays are more noticeable because they turn the next age DURING the school year. The summer/fall birthdays are transparent...and in fact while everyone else turns the next age during the school year, they feel younger because all the kids are the next age. This is not a decision taken lightly by the families in this situation. They may just opt for the safest approach, which is more often than not recommended by teachers, psychologists, and other parents.
it really doesn't bother me personally. my kids are starting HS so this stuff is completely passe from a personal perspective (I guarantee you couldn't determine kids' birthdays in my sons' classes if I lined them up and you looked at grades). i just find it absolutely nuts that we're talking about having 6.5 yr olds starting kindergarten, and 19/19.5 year olds graduating HS. I think everyone finds the notion of "helicopter parenting" disturbing, but to me this is one aspect of it. *
* i am talking about typically developing children - not kids with learning disabilities or social/emotional issues.
Are you aware that some kids might be 1-1.5yrs older than your child?
There is a girl in our elem school with a Nov. birthday. She did a private Kindergarten and came to our school in 1st grade. She has not done well, and has always been immature compared to the other girls. She is fine academically (probably in the middle) but socially behind.
There was a great article published in one of those Parenting magazines this month...written by the director of Gil St. Bernards school, on the wisdom of being older in the grade.
This isn't about holding back -- your daughter's age IS in line with the group going into Kindergarten. K is one year...why would you let that drive the next 12-16 years of schooling, and where you live?
Be happy she is on the older side -- she'll likely do better academically and socially.
Excellent advice. I was one of those kids. My b-day is Nov 11th and at the time the cutoff was mid-Nov. I was the second youngest in my graduating class. Think that's a good thing? No, it's not. I was very immature and it took me a long time to get my stuff together and become mature enough to excel academically and to focus on the big picture. I think starting school early definitely played a role in my lack of focus/immaturity that lasted quite a few years out of high school. While I am successful now it was a long, hard road to go down and I would have been better served starting a year later.
OP, it might be worth considering that redshirting is increasingly common in many NJ towns these days. To the above point, my 3 year old son has a late March birthday, and when he started preschool, we were told that based on the current makeup of the classes at our neighborhood elementary, he'll very likely be one of the younger kids in his class, and probably one of the youngest boys--his birthday is 7 months before the cutoff!. I'd personally be a bit uncomfortable having my still 4 y/o in the same class with kids who are on the verge of turning 7--2 full years just such a huge age difference.
I'm not aware of any NJ districts that prohibit redshirting (I know it's a huge issue in Chicago, where they've banned redshirting in their magnet schools and many parents are outraged about it), but there may be a few out there.
see - this is a result of people redshirting. you have a child who is WELL within the cutoff, but because of other people's actions, you have to (well, not HAVE TO) hold your child back as a preventative measure. and the vicious cycle continues.
Excellent advice. I was one of those kids. My b-day is Nov 11th and at the time the cutoff was mid-Nov. I was the second youngest in my graduating class. Think that's a good thing? No, it's not. I was very immature and it took me a long time to get my stuff together and become mature enough to excel academically and to focus on the big picture. I think starting school early definitely played a role in my lack of focus/immaturity that lasted quite a few years out of high school. While I am successful now it was a long, hard road to go down and I would have been better served starting a year later.
we can all provide anecdotal evidence. most of my HS friends are on the younger side (one started after the cutoff, her parents pushed her ahead) and we're all functioning well adjusted adults. i have a "later" b'day (august) and it was never an issue. my college roommate skipped a grade and is fine. my dad (april) started school a year early and they wanted to skip him - he would've been a 5 year old in 2nd grade (my grandmother nixed it solely because of his size, he was small).
i realize this is awhile ago (I don't know how old you are) but really I think the only things that's changed are parents for whatever reason (size, sports, etc) don't want precious to be the youngest. it truly is baffling in some respects in my mind.
But tahiti, you do seem like you have a chip on your shoulder about it. See, it does stop with the spring birthdays. It is the SUMMER/FALL birthdays in question...because the entire school year, those kids not held back are much younger and as each kid has a birthday in school, they are reminded they are younger. But again, the OP here has a child with a NOVEMBER birthday with a 10/1 cutoff. So we are talking about intentionally pushing forward, knowing the child will be 1.5yrs younger than some peers, and also definitely THE youngest by quite a bit. Unless the child is truly unique (which I doubt here - many Kindergarten kids are reading and doing math), this is risky, mostly for social reasons.
Also, you have no idea why people hold kids back. Some kids are in private speech therapy (preferring to solve most of the problem before school starts since services at school are limited and sometimes lower quality), yet the problem is solved with an extra year (but transparent to the other judgmental parents). Some kids are tiny, some are excessively shy, etc. Kids in elem school these days are rough -- even in the best schools. We are not in the Beaver Cleaver era anymore.
Also there is all kinds of information on the stress on kids these days, with homework, high stakes testing, AP courses that colleges expect now, pressure to be a top athlete even to be able to participate in HS sports, cyberbullying, sex, drugs, kids cutting themselves, teen suicide, ETC. There is NOTHING wrong with being conservative and wanting your child to be more mature for his/her grade, given the long road of schooling ahead.
Snuffybear brings up another point relevant to the redshirting debate--the early elementary grades aren't like they were even 20-30 years ago. By most accounts, kindergarten is even much more intense than it used to be. The expectations are higher--my friends who teach K/1/2 and my friends/family with elementary kids, unanimously agree that K today is more like 1st grade in the 80s (when most of us were that age). I guess that begs the question, has this happened because the average age of K'ers is increasing, or are more people holding their kids back because of the rising expectations (or is it something else entirely)?
I went to college at age of 16, and I am glad I did. I personally do not feel any difference than my classmates. With a Nov birthday, my daughter will be in first grade in CT and NY, and she's academically advanced and doing fine socially as well. That's the reason I feel it's the best interest to attend first grade.
Some people concerned about "maturity", I dont see how much difference it is between a Nov kid and a Sept kid, they are only 2 months apart.
I made many calls last couple days, and it seems that all public schools close to Wayne are not accepting. So my only option is some catholic schools. I am also concerned about the "religious cirriculum" in those schools, so need to think through this.
Last edited by renxiaomi; 05-18-2012 at 10:20 PM..
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
