Hi, this is susangggggg. I moved again, in 2015, this time to Florida and immediately found my husband. Actually I met him while visiting and looking for housing. We're going to an airbnb with his parents this weekend.
This was never my fault. The ADHD, Autism and CPTSD were undiagnosed and untreated for a long time and making it very hard for me to function adequately and develop healthy and realistic activities/career aspirations/relationships. Even my female relationships were toxic and abusive towards me. Looking back they were always far worse than my dating experiences overall.
I knew something was wrong with how scattered, scared and lost I was but instead I (in my 30s, understandably
hyperfocused on romantic partnership, sex and family, energetically lashing out when I was really just angry about my childhood and needed therapy and vocational training.
Well, I was also angry about how difficult a place NYC is overall to live in... That no one earlier told me everywhere else is not like this. I was trapped, frustrated as hell and had failed at literally.everything I ever tried to do because I could never get what I needed and never knew how to ask for it, to procure it.
As a result people were treating me poorly and even discriminating against me left and right which I may have not recognized at the time. This fueled my obsessions and created a negative feedback loop where burnout, overwhelm, self-imposed isolation just spiralled downward into severe nutritional deficiencies and medical crisis lasting over a year.
I still to this day don't have an apology from anyone in my life from my childhood besides one, my primary abuser. No wonder I was angry.
So angry.
Within a month of moving here I had friends donate a bed, big thai basil plant, a dining room table& chairs, blanket, ride from the airport and an entire new wardrobe. Later, I received covid funds to pay back rent. I have been helped over and over and over here including by people who barely even know me, who just wanted to help.
Don't think for a minute that your environment is tangential or that where you belong is randomly assigned, or that there isn't such a thing as home.
There is.
I'm glad for my teens and early 20s to have lived in NYC as the 90s were an amazing time for bohemian arts and culture in the U.S. there, but the rest was a hellish mess. I never belonged there.
I'm from Florida originally.
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