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I agree with the OP. I think it's rude for guests, even if they are relatives, to help themselves to a host's resources, when it's not totally necessary to them, if the host CAN'T AFFORD IT and especially if the use wasn't invited. I'm sure that hosting an entire family of five for multiple days is financially stressful in other ways. Are they at your house often? Do you visit them on a similar schedule?
I care for my elderly mother in my home, which is a lot of work in and of itself. It sometimes upsets me that she often has house guests (sometimes for a week), people who would never be visiting me if she wasn't here, and I have to get their rooms ready, cook their meals, chauffeur them if they have flown here, and then wash their linens, re-make the beds, and clean the house after they leave. Most of them commandeer the TV, the kids mess around with my computers, etc. I have one brother who gives me money to cover the cost of his family's meals and puts gas in my car if he borrows it; I truly appreciate that because he is much better off financially than I am. But he's the only house guest I've had who has thought about the fact that their visit doubled my grocery bill.
So few people today seem to know the proper etiquette of being a guest.
When I was renting a room, no washer, and before when I was homeless, when we did the family thing I brought my laundry. I felt like crap having to do it that way, but everyone knew why I did. I didn't ever wash one thing alone, but was mindful of the cost and knew a few more loads would be no problem.
My sil moved here last year and has 'friends' asking to use her washer. Since they reset the dryer (installer said leave it on low) and messed up some of her clothes, her son will drive them to the launromat now. Not interested.
I'd tell the op that there need to be rules, full loads, maybe one, and they could bring something for the meal. It's a fair trade. Nobody can get upset over a fair trade. She's trying to be nice, but there is nothing wrong with being upfront about the cost and limit. The sil wants to go elsewhere then its her problem.
I never assumed and always asked and never tried to make myself a problem. I was grateful for the help. If there had been a problem then I'd have dealt with it.
Strangely, I also consider myself an exceptionally considerate guest. Like you, I would not expect my hosts to provide anything other than a place to sleep . . .and access to their washer and dryer! I would not expect meals or entertainment, and would clean up after myself . . .it's just that I must have clean clothes at all times.
If they were financially strapped, would you consider throwing a little money out to cover the cost? It's quite clear here that the reason is cost, not that clothes are washed. And wasting a whole load for one thing.
If the OP thinks she's got it bad - this whole thing reminds me of this old thread. I about wet myself laughing so hard at the OP's listing of things her house guests did. Enjoy:
Am I being too picky? My guests, who are staying with me for 2 days and have 3 small children, have:
1. Dumped an entire bottle of expensive shampoo all over the floor & said nothing to me about it.
2. Done 5 loads of laundry, including putting several shoes in the dryer (I never do that). (It's only 2 days, why did they have to do 5 loads of laundry in my house????)
3. The kids have ransacked all my drawers and cabinets and made my own personal stuff their "toys" of the moment.
4. They didn't like the music I played or the candles I burned, so they hid my candles, and turned off the stereo whenever I left the room.
5. They did not like how loud I put on the TV so they grabbed the remote, again w/out asking, and turned it way down.
6. The 4-year-old boy peed all over the floor and the parents did nothing about this.
7. One of the adults let the 4-year-old use my NEW computer; of course the 4-year-old was banging on the computer as if it were a toy.
And other annoying stuff. I said nothing, as I don't want to be viewed as being rude.
I cannot imagine behaving this way in someone's home, even if they are family. My parents raised me to never touch anything in someone else's home, and that if you need something, to ALWAYS ask permission first.
Am I just supposed to roll over and let family and friends do whatever they want in my house? Is this the price to be paid if I want family/friends as houseguests?
Well, I was not exactly clear when I commented about the jeans, but Kibbiekat assumed it right. The jeans was but one of many loads. I happened to catch that particular load. I wasn't looking over her shoulder the entire while. Frankly, washing "one" load of clothes would be fine by me. My point is about washing mounds of laundry for a large family all day long w/o being concerned at all about being reasonable with how you are using the washer/dryer. In the case of the jeans, I never run my w/d for one item and most people don't.
It's one thing to wash a load because most things are dirty and you need clean clothes. It's quite another to wash every single item for so many people because you have a personal thing about traveling with dirty clothes.
Wow, what a difference in the response. That's America.
If you want an opinion, go to City Data !!!!!
Is your SIL super organized? I have a sister who is - her home is always perfect; she is very organized but she's a great sister!! One time, my mom told me she was having people for dinner and as they were finishing their coffee, she was asking them for their napkins and washed the tablecloth!!!
Is your SIL super organized? I have a sister who is - her home is always perfect; she is very organized but she's a great sister!! One time, my mom told me she was having people for dinner and as they were finishing their coffee, she was asking them for their napkins and washed the tablecloth!!!
I don't call that super organized, I call that neurotic!
I have a sister-in-law who has a horrible idiosyncracy of needing to wash and dry all her family's dirty laundry before leaving my house to return home. It is something she has done all her life and has always annoyed the heck out of me. I don't know anyone else who does this.
The last time she visited, I caught her running the wash with one pair of jeans. At that time, I did tell her she could not do that.
There are 5 of them, so on her last day visiting, she runs my washer and dryer all day. Why won't she pack the dirty clothes in a bag like everybody else and wash them at home?
My funds are really low now and my utility bills are through the roof. I barely ever use my own dryer. How do I tell her she can't wash/dry the clothes w/o appearing to be mean? Obviously my brother isn't thinking either.
I find your post strange. Anytime I have visited friends or family and stayed at their home(and this includes relatives in Ireland and the US) they have always said "do you need to do any laundry?" Who wants to pack dirty clothes?
Now if you're having a hard time financially then you might want to mention that, but to deny people washing dirty clothes, I don't get that.
It bugs me that you are so offended by this, because to me, if I were traveling, I would HATE to take home a suitcase full of filthy clothes - I would hope that the people I was staying with would be generous enough to share their utilities with me - I would certainly do the same for them, without question. I think what bothers me is that you resent this SO MUCH. It's really not a big deal. Are you miserly in other ways or just in this area?
So tell us offended one, how do you arrive home after a vacation without a suitcase full of filthy cloths (not to mention way are they filthy).
How do you figure that someone that has put you and family up, already being out of pocket more than you probably realize, feeding you, beverages, in addition to thge extra water for bathing, the cost of heating the water for bathing (do you stay in their shower until the water starts to run cold, after all, you ain't paying for it) then have the audacity to think you gracious hosts should also foot the bill for water, electricity, detergent, bleach, and softener.
I find your post strange. Anytime I have visited friends or family and stayed at their home(and this includes relatives in Ireland and the US) they have always said "do you need to do any laundry?" Who wants to pack dirty clothes?
Now if you're having a hard time financially then you might want to mention that, but to deny people washing dirty clothes, I don't get that.
You don't think it is strange to do ALL of the dirty laundry for a family of 5 at the home where you are a guest on the last day of your trip, instead of taking it home the next day and washing it at your own house? How is that not completely rude?
I have a sister-in-law who has a horrible idiosyncracy of needing to wash and dry all her family's dirty laundry before leaving my house to return home. It is something she has done all her life and has always annoyed the heck out of me. I don't know anyone else who does this.
The last time she visited, I caught her running the wash with one pair of jeans. At that time, I did tell her she could not do that.
There are 5 of them, so on her last day visiting, she runs my washer and dryer all day. Why won't she pack the dirty clothes in a bag like everybody else and wash them at home?
My funds are really low now and my utility bills are through the roof. I barely ever use my own dryer. How do I tell her she can't wash/dry the clothes w/o appearing to be mean? Obviously my brother isn't thinking either.
Then talk to your brother and tell him flat out, not acceptable or view it like a laundry mat, bring your own detergent, softener and bleach and agree on a per load price.
Conveniently run out of laundry detergent just before they arrive again.
You don't think it is strange to do ALL of the dirty laundry for a family of 5 at the home where you are a guest on the last day of your trip, instead of taking it home the next day and washing it at your own house? How is that not completely rude?
My family/friends have always offered. They have said "do you want to do any laundry before you leave". In Ireland they actually did it for me...LOL.
Of course there weren't 5 people, I have a feeling there is more than laundry going on here, perhaps the OP clashes with the SIL.
Maybe the laundry was the straw that broke the camel's back.
If the OP cannot afford to host them(and in this economy it is understandable) then explain it to them, I can't afford to host you.
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I would not expect meals or entertainment, and would clean up after myself . . .it's just that I must have clean clothes at all times.
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