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and if you truly don't want to disturb the lives of your friend and your brother, why don't you just hire a nurse or two to stay with you. Home health care sounds like what you need. Asking a married father to leave his family to care for you when you sound like you have the means to hire professional care seems strange to me. All you have to do is leave a key accessible so nurses can check in on you, bathe you etc. I personally would not want somebody not trained how to handle a post surgery patient handling me.
Ok, I've decided this is what I'm going to do. I'll call my friend today and say I just need him to take me to the hospital and the pick me up when I leave.
Tell your mom. But have a plan. Tell her in what specific ways you'd like her help. Be very specific.
Let her visit you once at the hospital. ("I won't want visitors until ____day, so would you please come at ___ o'clock?) Let her visit you once at home. ("Could you come over on ___day? I'd love for you to bring me some _____________.) Do it because it will be important to her. It will be good for you.
You really don't understand...that would never work with my mother. If I told her before surgery she would go to the hospital every day and stay there with me all day. Then when I came home she would show up everyday and would press the button until someone opened the door. There's no point in asking her not to do it.
You could refuse to accept her visits, but the best time to establish boundaries with someone like this is not while you're recovering from surgery. Sadly, it seems that you won't be able to tell your parents, unless you can accept that your recovery will be managed by her.
Your doctor's office will be able to give you numbers of Home Health Care or look it up. Every community has this kind of service. Establish exactly what kind of services you will need, how often and if things change how you can change your plan.
That way you will be home to answer her phone calls. If you are hell bent on not telling your family about your surgery then tell them you will be out of town during your hospital stay.
But it saddens me that your mother is clueless to the fact you want to live your own life. Again I ask are you Indian? it might be a cultural thing. one of you in one culture and the other in american cultural. it happens. good luck with your surgery and your recovery.
Ok, thanks, I'll check that with the hospital. No, I'm not Indian. I'm as white and Caucasian as you could find.
My mother used to act like this with my brother when he was single. And then she says she doesn't understand why it seems we keep secrets from her...
Quote:
Originally Posted by no kudzu
Your doctor's office will be able to give you numbers of Home Health Care or look it up. Every community has this kind of service. Establish exactly what kind of services you will need, how often and if things change how you can change your plan.
That way you will be home to answer her phone calls. If you are hell bent on not telling your family about your surgery then tell them you will be out of town during your hospital stay.
But it saddens me that your mother is clueless to the fact you want to live your own life. Again I ask are you Indian? it might be a cultural thing. one of you in one culture and the other in american cultural. it happens. good luck with your surgery and your recovery.
Please don't get the idea that my mother is someone that is unbearable. She's a loving mother but she can never understand that sometimes she can get a bit overbearing with her worries. And it doesn't matter if you tell her to stop it, once she knows about something, that's it, she's not going to leave you alone.
I don't think I've ever cut off my parents from life when I don't have anyone left of my blood family (well, there's my brother but he's detached because he's married).
Then why not deal with the real problem?
She sounds like a loving mom with some anxiety issues whom you have failed to set proper boundaries with.
Have a frank conversation with her, suggest she get some help for her anxiety and then tell her what you will and won't put up with from her.
There's no way my mother would accept any kind of criticism to her behaviour. She's the one that's always right and the others are always wrong. If you say anything you're being an ungrateful son who has a mother who does everything for her children and doesn't care about her.
No, I've come to terms with the nurse option. I can tell my mother I'm going abroad on a work trip. I travel a lot because of work, she'll bite that.
Some women obsessively stalk their adult children. My MIL did when she was younger and healthier. I honestly think the behavior is caused by mental illness; I don't think you can just explain to the person that the behavior is unwelcome.
There's no way my mother would accept any kind of criticism to her behaviour. She's the one that's always right and the others are always wrong. If you say anything you're being an ungrateful son who has a mother who does everything for her children and doesn't care about her.
No, I've come to terms with the nurse option. I can tell my mother I'm going abroad on a work trip. I travel a lot because of work, she'll bite that.
Some women obsessively stalk their adult children. My MIL did when she was younger and healthier. I honestly think the behavior is caused by mental illness; I don't think you can just explain to the person that the behavior is unwelcome.
She only does this because I'm not married. She used to be the same way while my brother was single. She tried being like that even after they were married but my SIL quickly showed her her place with a look.
I don't answer most of her questions these days because they are so repetitive.
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I'll call my friend today and say I just need him to take me to the hospital and the pick me up when I leave.
