Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Sorry that happened to you, germaine...but I agree, these days, things like that can happen way too fast. And if siblings do have the financial ability to help out a sibling, should they offer? So what, it means one less cruise to Alaska this summer for them, if that...I am not talking about siblings who are barely making it...but siblings who are very affluent, and have the means to really make a difference for a struggling sibling.
I just don't understand, how a sibling could be so very wealthy...and have a sister, who barely has food, and they just ignore it. That seems so wrong to me. It is pretty obvious, when someone is struggling to make ends meet, you can see that their shoes are worn, their clothes are old...compared with someone who has excess money for plastic surgery, lives in a huge home, with money for travel, and owns a few Mercedes, and Escalades...I just don't get why in their own family, they don't help out their siblings...
Sure, I understand, in many of the situations...a sibling who is living on the edge, because of substance abuse issues, or poor choices, not to feel generous in helping them out...but a sibling who has worked, and honestly, just not had the luck in life another person has had...and I do believe many times, things are about luck in this life...and is living a life of poverty, just a stupid $100 gift card from Wal-Mart means a lot...when you are just on the edge. I guess some wealthy folks, just don't think that way...
My immediate family doesnt. My sister/brother in law were doing significantly better than everyone until he got laid off. Now my whole immediate family is sitting between 30 and 70k, and the 70k is because its the only house with 2 people working.
However, both my dad and mom have one insanely rich sibiling, and at least one sibling that has flirted with homelessness.
In my moms case, her very rich brother consistently helps out his less unfortunate siblings, sending them money, letting them stay in his house, giving them jobs even if he really doesnt need the help, etc.
Sorry that happened to you, germaine...but I agree, these days, things like that can happen way too fast. And if siblings do have the financial ability to help out a sibling, should they offer? So what, it means one less cruise to Alaska this summer for them, if that...I am not talking about siblings who are barely making it...but siblings who are very affluent, and have the means to really make a difference for a struggling sibling.
I just don't understand, how a sibling could be so very wealthy...and have a sister, who barely has food, and they just ignore it. That seems so wrong to me. It is pretty obvious, when someone is struggling to make ends meet, you can see that their shoes are worn, their clothes are old...compared with someone who has excess money for plastic surgery, lives in a huge home, with money for travel, and owns a few Mercedes, and Escalades...I just don't get why in their own family, they don't help out their siblings...
Sure, I understand, in many of the situations...a sibling who is living on the edge, because of substance abuse issues, or poor choices, not to feel generous in helping them out...but a sibling who has worked, and honestly, just not had the luck in life another person has had...and I do believe many times, things are about luck in this life...and is living a life of poverty, just a stupid $100 gift card from Wal-Mart means a lot...when you are just on the edge. I guess some wealthy folks, just don't think that way...
I agree with you, in that I don't understand how this can happen, but it does. I feel that the culture in America has made it such that everyone is out for themselves and I think the root cause of that is that if someone is doing well, they usually don't help anyone, and then, all of a sudden they are doing not so well and need help and surprise there is no one to help. It's a viscous circle. I'm hesitant to help you, because I don't know if you'll be there to help me. That's how I feel with my brother. He is all high and mighty now with his job and upcoming wedding to a doctor...what happens if he's on the street all of a sudden, would I help him...probably...would I expect anything if I was in the same situation...No, and that's why I say probably, his attitude in the last few years has made that a probably rather than a definitely for me.
I'm estranged from my brother so it's kind of a moot issue. I think a lot of it would depend upon it the richer sibling had money to spare and why the poorer sibling was in the situation.
Just because someone has a nice home, doesn't mean they're rich. There could be behind the scenes obligations no one knows about. What if a sibling marries someone rich, but that person is helping to support their parents?
It's one thing to forego a cruise, but what about saving for children's college educations (if one has children)?
And why is the sibling having money trouble? If it was due to something beyond their control like medical bills or a layoff, I'd be more inclined to help out.
But if it was because of reckless choices or an inability to defer gratification, I'd be less likely to help out.
I think it's nice if family members help each other out, but they are not obligated to do so.
Does your family have rich members and poor members? Should wealthy siblings have a responsibility to help out less fortunate ones?
we have 'rich' members and 'not so rich' members. It's never a responsibility to help someone you love.
Often times, quite often as as a matter of fact, someone will go to their mail box and retrieve a card w/a note that says..'found this lying around today, can you put it to use?'...could be a check ranging anywhere from $100.00 to $5,000.00...just for the freakin' heck of it, and it's not always the 'rich' family members that send the checks either.
Koale
we have 'rich' members and 'not so rich' members. It's never a responsibility to help someone you love.
Often times, quite often as as a matter of fact, someone will go to their mail box and retrieve a card w/a note that says..'found this lying around today, can you put it to use?'...could be a check ranging anywhere from $100.00 to $5,000.00...just for the freakin' heck of it, and it's not always the 'rich' family members that send the checks either.
Koale
My sister and her husband have more than twice the income that my husband and I have. I have two kids, she has none. I am a full-time mother.
Surprisingly, our standard of living is about the same. Our houses are about the same size (although mine is 20 years newer), we both have two vehicles, etc. They spend a ton on restaurants, concerts, clothes, little electronic gadgets (like ipods and kindles), and stuff like that. We don't.....
Considering that she and her husband both have degrees (her husband has a master's), you'd figure they'd be living in a much fancier house than ours, have nicer cars, all that good stuff, especially since they have two incomes, but that's not what they seem to choose to spend their money on.
Sounds like they have made good choices, why waste money on a splashy house or impressive cars? They clearly enjoy spending that money on other personal pleasures.
My sister and her husband have more than twice the income that my husband and I have. I have two kids, she has none. I am a full-time mother.
Surprisingly, our standard of living is about the same. Our houses are about the same size (although mine is 20 years newer), we both have two vehicles, etc. They spend a ton on restaurants, concerts, clothes, little electronic gadgets (like ipods and kindles), and stuff like that. We don't.
For what it's worth, I would rather beg on a street corner than ever ask my sister for money. She's offered to help with some unexpected expenses that have come up, and we always thank her and then refuse.
Considering that she and her husband both have degrees (her husband has a master's), you'd figure they'd be living in a much fancier house than ours, have nicer cars, all that good stuff, especially since they have two incomes, but that's not what they seem to choose to spend their money on.
They may also be paying some huge student loan bills
Regarding the immigrant sisters: I don't think the younger sister "owes" the older sister anything or is a "bad" person because she chooses not to gift her sister with the luxuries she enjoys. As the poster stated, the older sister is living a good, if solidly middle class existence in her later years. Her biggest peeve appears to be her jealousy of the younger sister's "toys" - the lifestyle her younger sister can afford that 99% of us cannot.
Reading between the lines, it also bothers me that the older sister appears to be concentrating so much on what her sister could have done for her rather than what she has done for her. First, based on the grousing about being asked to pay for half of their parents' birthday banquets, I am guessing that the younger sister is completely paying for everything else from medical expenses to living costs - because if the older sister was paying for any of this it probably would have been mentioned in the post. Saying that this is true, the younger sister saved the older sister several to tens of thousands of dollars per year just by assuming the full financial burden of taking care of their parents. Second, as stated in the post, the younger sister paid health insurance premiums for her sister for 7 years. For an older person who is pre-Medicare, premiums for health insurance is insanely expensive. Even saying that she paid "just" $350 (which is on the very low end of what someone might pay), over seven years this comes out to $29,400. Let us also consider that without insurance, out of pocket expenses for things such as medication and annual checkups would probably have cost the older sister several thousands of dollars per year plus. So if you look at it from one perspective, based on the poster's description of the older sister as a minimum wage clerk, it would not have been possible for older sis to live the comfortable life she has now of a debt free home owner if not for her younger sister. From my perspective, it appears that the younger sister helped out the older sister quite a bit - the older sister just wants more.
Last edited by Bibliophile; 08-06-2012 at 11:43 PM..
Reason: Additional comment
Every situation is a bit different and at some point it becomes enabling bad behavior.
If my sister were to call asking for money I would give what I could.. why, because she has NEVER asked me for a dime.. never needed to..
if my brother were to call asking for money, I would not give him any, why.. because I have given in the past and I have learned the hard way..
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
hmmm..
My two cents
