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Boy do I wish I had been spoiled. I think the only thing I regret is not being able to see politics at work in my home. My cousins had multiple siblings so they could see tips and tricks to negotiating, fighting, and frankly, manipulating situations to your gain. I didn't. I had my moral code and tried to stick by it having no idea that my idea of right wasn't necessarily everyone's and the tactics of straight honesty I used were just opening me up to exploitation and manipulation by others. After years of study, trial and error, I have a good grasp on what some kids got to learn straight outta the gate.
I have 2 siblings and dealt with a lot of self esteem issues growing up because everyone was so dysfunctional and selfish. A kid in our neighborhood was an only and he was a spoiled rude brat whom was showered with affection.
My friend is an only child and she grew up with her mentally ill mother and felt very lonely. She ends up in a lot of dysfunctional relationships trying to save people. My son is an only child. He seems older than his age on somethings but I can tell he relates better to adults. It could be that my husband's family is large and he spent a lot of time with my in-laws. He was the first grandchild in about 10 yrs so everyone wanted to take him places. He is incredibly giving and sensitive however....he is a bit anal about stuff. I can see the sharing is not easy for him. I think he tends to lack some social skills with his peers but does better with adults or older kids. Years ago when he played soccer the coach laughed and said to us that he knew our son was an only child. I asked why and he said because our son isnt aggressive. He didnt learn how to fight. I had to laugh because in a way that is true.
Pretty much anyway you slice it, there really is no set formula on how someone will turn out. I think birth order plays a little bit of a role but not completely.
I'm an only but grew up being around my cousins a lot. My one cousin loved stealing my m&m's. I had (still do sometimes) this way of counting out the candy and eating every twentyth or so and counting on. They thought it was hilarious.
I am also very much a loner, so it didn't bother me to not have other kids around. My friends were close but I didn't care if I was 'popular' and even as a kid was an 'outsider'. I read any time I could, and I'd started a long 'book' on things I was interested in just to write. I was in many ways very solitary as a kid (less than now, though) but it wasn't from being an only as much as just being a loner.
I do remember being more comfortable around adults than kids I didn't know. I felt the same then that I do now, that if someone is boring I'd rather be off doing something myself which isn't. But I stood up for my friend who'd had polio and got teased and called names for it but didn't care. I recall once one threw a rock and I picked it up and threw it back. I think that came from being an only since while I didn't have a lot of friends they were absolute. I never 'lost' a friend because I didn't do light ones.
I'm one of those different drummers by nature, and maybe being an only was good for me that way. I am also really stubborn if its an issue (got that from dad lol) and doubt if I'd had siblings I'd be any different. I suppose if your naturally more outgoing and social being an only might feel lonely, but I had friends and they were gone enough I was comfortable, and had my dog and my books and my story notebooks with unfinished stories and our house has books on shelves in every room to read, so I was probably born into the right place since I can't ever really remember being lonely.
This is just my experience...but the 'only' children I have been friends with or have had close working relationships with have all been spoiled, self-centered, and arrogant. I'm sure they're not all that way and I've probably had a run of bad luck with them, but there it is.
This is just my experience...but the 'only' children I have been friends with or have had close working relationships with have all been spoiled, self-centered, and arrogant. I'm sure they're not all that way and I've probably had a run of bad luck with them, but there it is.
I would say you've just been very unlucky. Truly, we're not all like that. We may start out that way but most of us figure it out and learn how to compensate and become truly useful members of society . Better luck in the future.
In my experience with only children, they tend to most closely resemble oldest children for good and ill, with a few differences. The few only's that I've known well tend not to have conversational give and take, dominating and switchng the topics as they see fit, and as someone else mentioned were less able to read non-verbal social cues such as discomfort. disinterest, and the like. Admittedly I only know a few well.
"I can tell the baby male of the family coming a mile away."
Me too, God bless them. They are my polar opposite and I tend to really like them. I am in awe of their social aptitude.
Hmm, I grew up an only child until my sister was born (when I was 13). I don’t think I’ve ever been much of an attention-seeker. I’m quite the opposite. I can self-soothe and I don’t get bored easily. I do tend to be selfish at times. I know that probably stems from never really having to share.
I never had problems in school. Ever.
Yes, I do believe only children grow up very differently! Very much so. But I also had both parents in the household at all times.
Hmm, I grew up an only child until my sister was born (when I was 13). I don’t think I’ve ever been much of an attention-seeker. I’m quite the opposite. I can self-soothe and I don’t get bored easily. I do tend to be selfish at times. I know that probably stems from never really having to share. [/font]
How do you explain the many people with siblings who do not share? And the many only children who do share?
This is just my experience...but the 'only' children I have been friends with or have had close working relationships with have all been spoiled, self-centered, and arrogant. I'm sure they're not all that way and I've probably had a run of bad luck with them, but there it is.
That has nothing to do with being an only child. There are PLENTY of people with siblings who are spoiled, self centered and arrogant.
I am a distant fourth of four boys. The spacing between us was roughly 5, 5, 5 and 10 years. So when I was born my oldest brother was 20, the next 15, the next 10. For all intents and purposes I had one sibling after I was 3 and he was already entering high school. I tend to think of myself as an only child; my older brothers were more like older uncles than brothers. I don't remember playing with either of the 2 younger ones, the age difference was too great. I was doted on by them when they were occasionally present, but that's about it.
As others have said, there are just TOO many other factors to make confident pronouncements about some imagined universal property of only children. I am probably a little more practiced at amusing myself, I suppose, although I'm also an introvert and tend to "live inside my head" so who is to say how much of that is nature vs nurture? But despite not having sibling playmates, one inescapable fact of my existence is that my parents already had practice raising 3 other boys, and so I'm sure my upbringing was more relaxed and less strict. In that one sense I grew up in the shadow of my siblings, even if they were mostly not part of my daily existence. There's also the fact that my parents were older when they raised me, in a somewhat different headspace in their 40s than in their 20s. Certainly more mature mentally and emotionally, more settled in their marriage and so forth.
So another thing that could vary with a true only child is how old the parents were when they were raising it, things like first or subsequent marriage, and so forth.
So ... probably best not too read much into someone being an only child.
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. Better luck in the future.
