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Since you said you were given more materially than your siblings, I can see why they would assume ownership of family stuff to which you are partly or completely entitled. It's not right, and the original situation was not your fault, but it kind of makes emotional sense. I'd probably let the jacket thing go.
It might make you feel better to tell your sister that you felt accused and that you were hurt. I'd let it go, after that, though. When I was in a situation that was similar to this in some ways, albeit with a distant relative by marriage, this is what I did, because I knew I couldn't keep quiet and pretend it didn't happen. But I wouldn't have made enough of a fuss to disrupt family ties.
It sounds as if you love your sister. I hope you are able to be honest, stand up for yourself, and preserve as close a relationship with her as possible. I like the idea upthread of offering help with the collage.
Since you said you were given more materially than your siblings, I can see why they would assume ownership of family stuff to which you are partly or completely entitled. It's not right, and the original situation was not your fault, but it kind of makes emotional sense. I'd probably let the jacket thing go.
It might make you feel better to tell your sister that you felt accused and that you were hurt. I'd let it go, after that, though. When I was in a situation that was similar to this in some ways, albeit with a distant relative by marriage, this is what I did, because I knew I couldn't keep quiet and pretend it didn't happen. But I wouldn't have made enough of a fuss to disrupt family ties.
It sounds as if you love your sister. I hope you are able to be honest, stand up for yourself, and preserve as close a relationship with her as possible. I like the idea upthread of offering help with the collage.
The only emotional sense is makes is that it justifies her siblings choice to treat her like crap when it is not and never was her fault how they all were treated by their parents. Time to grow up and figure out that it is the parents they should be upset with and quit using this as a stupid crutch to continue to be a crappy sibling.
This is how my sister is...to me...but not to everyone. I am the youngest of the family and she is the oldest. She takes on a motherly role sometimes.
It is a complex situation, but one that I am used to.
We are a combined family. My parents got married and my mother had been divorced, had three children who she brought into the family. My father had been married and brought in two children.
My father was 52 and my mother was 38 when I was born. My mother had no money going in to the marriage and my father did.
I was the youngest and only child of my parents, and I was given much more than my mothers other children ever were growing up. There was quite a bit of jealousy that went in to adulthood, and I thought it was realized last year.
I don't know. At any rate, it is not something I can help or change. As a child, I could not change my parents behaviors, as an adult, there is really nothing I can do about it.
My sister who was my dads daughter is the one who took the army coat. This was back in 1995. He had given it to me before he passed. I have not talked to her in a year and a half, and I am not quite sure why.
My other sister, who made the remark..... she has always talked down to me, etc. I guess one of these times I just need to stand up to her and put her in her place. I don't know. I mean, I am a grown woman, but you wouldn't know it sometimes, with the way she talks to me. She is 14 years older than me.
Oh boy.
If the army coat was taken back in 95??...imo it is too late to do much about that...something should have been said then.
Sounds like except for the accusation re: pictures that you are used to this status quo....might be best to just say you'd like to make copies of all the pictures for yourself, so that you have a set just in case she does misplace them...
It is common for older/oldest siblings to think they are more entitled to things than their younger siblings. Personally, I have made the decision that I will never fight with my siblings over "things". If a disagreement ever comes up, I will just pretend as if the said "things" had been lost in a fire and assumed lost forever. Whether or not my siblings will have the same feelings and we are all able to share equally has yet to be seen. But I for one will never put material things over personal relationships.
It's ok for my sister to have the pictures. It is not ok for her to accuse me of stealing them. None of the pictures truly belong to any of it us. It is nice to have them all in one place so that when we get together, we can look at them and reminisce.
It was a terrible time when my mother passed and she and my other sister got a 'take charge' kind of attitude. I took care of both of my parents until they passed and all the rest of them were on the sidelines I asked for their help and they told me that they had families and lives.
I also had a family when I was caring for my mother. I had my son and daughter and husband. I was also caring for my grandma.
It was a surprise to me, but when my mother passed, she left me her life insurance. I did not know why, and my sister had issues with this. My ex husband and I were trying to buy my parents house and she kept jacking up the price and we were not able to. When that happened, we had to find a place to buy. We found a town house, but we could not afford a 4 bedroom home and my grandmother had to move up to my aunts house.
I kept telling them all my mom only had a couple days at best, and none of them wanted to hear what I was saying. I have written about her death on cd before so I am not going to repeat it.
None of them made it in time and it made Christmas Eve a tough day for many years to come. We all sat on her bed that night and they sat around saying what they wanted of hers and I was stunned. Our mom just died and they were worried about what they could have of hers.
I started to hate my sister and it was killing me inside and I knew it was wrong so I talked to my preacher about it and got it resolved.
When my moms life insurance check came, I paid off the funeral home and split the rest between the five of us. There were three cents left.
You always think that death in your own family and money and things would never come in to play. Don't be so sure about that.
I suppose it helps that I am not a person who thinks things are important. I did keep 2 things of my mothers and they have both since been broken. Hard to deal with. I had to achieve a different mindset. I needed to understand that my memories of my mother were in my heart and soul, and not in these things...
I suppose it helps that I am not a person who thinks things are important. I did keep 2 things of my mothers and they have both since been broken. Hard to deal with. I had to achieve a different mindset. I needed to understand that my memories of my mother were in my heart and soul, and not in these things...
Same deal here. My Mom is in the fog of dementia and she is now living in a wonderful home that has experience with dementia and Alzheimers. When we moved my mom out of her house, my sister pretty much took everything. That is especially sad, as my sister is a hoarder. When all is said and done, nothing will be salvageable, even for my sister's kids. That makes me sad.
So I am slowly collecting stories about my Mom. The original intent was for her eulogy. But now I realize that the real purpose is to document her spirit, for me. Those stories are my Mom's real legacy, not all the stuff.
Same deal here. My Mom is in the fog of dementia and she is now living in a wonderful home that has experience with dementia and Alzheimers. When we moved my mom out of her house, my sister pretty much took everything. That is especially sad, as my sister is a hoarder. When all is said and done, nothing will be salvageable, even for my sister's kids. That makes me sad.
So I am slowly collecting stories about my Mom. The original intent was for her eulogy. But now I realize that the real purpose is to document her spirit, for me. Those stories are my Mom's real legacy, not all the stuff.
Oh I am so sorry to hear that. I think that is a wonderful idea, what you are doing. That reminds me of a scrap book I have that was a present to my mother on her last birthday. My cousin made it and gave it to her.
I just had to run downstairs and grab it. I have no idea how I ended up with it, but I did. It was never all the way finished, but it was given to her anyway.
All kinds of pictures and wishes and remember whens. There is a picture of my parents together, that was an oddity. There was a picture of my mother probably at about 30 and boy do I look just like her.
This is what the pictures represent. My mothers legacy. Those who came and left before her and those who are still here, telling her story.
Wow, your mother was on her deathbed and you siblings were sitting around her telling them what they wanted? That is horrible. I cannot even imagine such a thing. Well your dad left YOU the coat, and you should get that back from your sister, that is yours. Your sister certainly should have said she was sorry when she called you back, but you and I know she won't say she is sorry now. I think I would ask my sister for even just a few photos. Tell her you have no old pictures and could you have some of your parents. She's making up a collage for your brother, so she should give you some as well. If your mother gave you all of the life insurance money and you alone paid for the funeral and then split the rest with your siblings, you are very generous.
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