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Life is too short to be unhappy. Move back to Florida. Be happy. You have every right!
Your Father and Brothers will survive!
I totally agree ^^
You have two brothers in IL and do not for one second allow guilt, especially gender based guilt, to keep you in a "resentful" situation. Get out of the cold.
-izzy
OP, guilt is a gift you can only give yourself. My suggestion is to take it back to wherever you got it, and exchange it for something you really want like….well….warm and happy.
The answer is easy, the main reason for you moving back to IL is gone 6 months of the year to the very City you wish to return. Your husband is fine with moving back and he is your main priority - GO! If you are only going to see your mother 6 months out of 12, you can do that FL, and be happy the remaining 6 months in a climate that best suit you. If you carry on the way you are now, YOU will get ill. The stress your current living arrangements is putting you under really isn't worth risking your happiness and health.
Your brothers - STUFF they're adults they can live with it or move too.
Your Dad, well he'll have to pay for storage. Family are important of course, some more than others, but remember, you are only related to them, NOT obligated to them.
The bottom line Molly old girl - you've only got one life to live, it should be yours, not your mums, brothers or dads! So the is MOVE back to where you are happy - Do it NOW while you can......Please.
Of course it is a long, complicated story, but I'll do my best to be brief and concise
I'm 50 years old, happily married.
Raised in central IL, always hated the cold weather.
Moved with a friend from IL to FL when I was in my early 20's. Found a place to live and a decent job and enjoyed the warm weather.
Eventually I met and married my husband (a native of MI who had also moved to FL).
Maintained a good relationship with my parents (divorced) and siblings (2 younger brothers) who remained in IL. Visited once a year. Cordial but not particuarly "close".
6 years ago mom was diagnosed with breast and lung cancer. As her only daughter, I was the person she talked to and confided in most, and we grew closer than we had ever been. It was the mother/daughter relationship I'd always dreamed of and never had before.
She had several surgeries and chemo/radiation ect.
I was frantic and worried for her, felt helpless being so far away and unable to physically assist her. She did have many friends and fellow church members to help her, and is very financially secure so could pay for nursing care if needed.
But I felt like she needed *me*.
So we sold our business and our home and packed up our ten (yes, TEN) big dogs (we did dog rescue in FL) and moved to IL.
So here we are, 6 years later. My mom is healthy, and 2 years ago decided that she wanted to live in FL for 6 months during the winter So she is gone Oct.-March.
I hate it here in IL. The winter weather is horrible. I'm cold from October until May.
We have the finances to move back to FL and have even found a house to purchase.
Problem is, when I mention it to my family they freak out. (Hubby is supportive but is fine anywhere, really). My brothers don't want to be 'stuck' taking care of the parents as they age. My dad loves using our barn for storing all his stuff since he downsized last year and moved into a smaller home, but kept all his junk and brought it to my house
There is so much more to the story, but bottom line is that they are making me feel awful for wanting to live my life somewhere warmer.
Any opinions? They have me second guessing every decision I make. The move up here from FL was a nightmare, and I'm pretty much freaked out about the move back down, especially since my family obviously won't be helping out this time.
But I am SOOOOO miserable up here.
If she'd be in Illinois for half of the year (during the summer), one would think you'd have the same problem with taking care of them from the other side of the country. Is anything stopping you from being snowbirds like they are? As in, you also live in FL during the six colder months and then in IL during the six warmer months? That way, you could keep your IL house and also have a little place in FL for a while even if it was an RV that you drove down there during the winter.
Thanks to all who have offered support and encouragement.
I know I'd be warmer (and therefore happier) in FL, but I've never before faced so much outright discouragement and disapproval from my family before, and I'm having a hard time processing it rationally.
FYI, it isn't just the weather that I dislike about living in IL.
Anyway, I appreciate the positive responses.
Although it's kind of ironic that 'strangers' seem to care more about my well-being than my own family
Thanks to all who have offered support and encouragement.
I know I'd be warmer (and therefore happier) in FL, but I've never before faced so much outright discouragement and disapproval from my family before, and I'm having a hard time processing it rationally.
FYI, it isn't just the weather that I dislike about living in IL.
Anyway, I appreciate the positive responses.
Although it's kind of ironic that 'strangers' seem to care more about my well-being than my own family
Beware of what you ask for. I moved to Texas from the Northeast, thinking I'd be happier where it was warm. Then I developed a skin condition that's worsened by heat, and never adapted to the hot weather. All I'm saying is - keep your mind open.
I can imagine there are other things to hate about IL. I wouldn't live there unless I was given a free house and a lot of land. IL is a very corrupt welfare state that is run by Cook County. The results of IL politics have been painfully clear in the last four years and will continue to be so in the next four.
Sometimes, you have to do what's best for you... and often that is diametrically opposed to what your family wants. I have to deal with that in my own life - my wife's family wants her close to them, and that's about the worst possible thing that we could do right now, for any number of reasons.
Thanks for the replies.
Of course I'm happy that my mom is "well" now and that she's able to spend the winters in a warmer climate. I'd love to do the winters down in FL and the summers in IL also, but it's just not feasible with ten dogs. Kinda have to pick one place or the other.
I am struggling with the choice between "resentment and guilt". Neither one is a pleasant feeling, so it's choosing between the lesser of 2 evils I suppose.
So I can be cold and miserable and resentful if I remain here, or warm, happy, and guilty if I move back to FL.
Hmmmmmmm
Quote:
Originally Posted by RomaniGypsy
...
I can imagine there are other things to hate about IL. I wouldn't live there unless I was given a free house and a lot of land. IL is a very corrupt welfare state that is run by Cook County. The results of IL politics have been painfully clear in the last four years and will continue to be so in the next four.
...
Yah yah, politics schmolitics - none of that addresses her issues.
Molly, as a senior who just moved to TN from the northeast, what ARE you waiting for? When you enter into a P&S for the house, tell Dad he has until closing to move his stuff to wherever he wishes - or to sell it at a yard sale - give it to the brothers. It's STUFF.
Guilt - refuse it. It's not something you have to have. You can refuse to feel guilty -- and you should. Guilt over moving to take care of your mother? Guilt over doing what is best for you and your husband - AND the dogs? Good grief, woman. Think of guilt as a moth-eaten old fur coat. Take it off and get rid of it.
Go, have a blast - be closer to Mom for 1/2 of the year and happier for the entire year. If your brothers and Dad want, you can visit them once a year - and they can visit you. It's a 2-way street. Do what you need to do for you.
Of course it is a long, complicated story, but I'll do my best to be brief and concise
I'm 50 years old, happily married.
Raised in central IL, always hated the cold weather.
Moved with a friend from IL to FL when I was in my early 20's. Found a place to live and a decent job and enjoyed the warm weather.
Eventually I met and married my husband (a native of MI who had also moved to FL).
Maintained a good relationship with my parents (divorced) and siblings (2 younger brothers) who remained in IL. Visited once a year. Cordial but not particuarly "close".
6 years ago mom was diagnosed with breast and lung cancer. As her only daughter, I was the person she talked to and confided in most, and we grew closer than we had ever been. It was the mother/daughter relationship I'd always dreamed of and never had before.
She had several surgeries and chemo/radiation ect.
I was frantic and worried for her, felt helpless being so far away and unable to physically assist her. She did have many friends and fellow church members to help her, and is very financially secure so could pay for nursing care if needed.
But I felt like she needed *me*.
So we sold our business and our home and packed up our ten (yes, TEN) big dogs (we did dog rescue in FL) and moved to IL.
So here we are, 6 years later. My mom is healthy, and 2 years ago decided that she wanted to live in FL for 6 months during the winter So she is gone Oct.-March.
I hate it here in IL. The winter weather is horrible. I'm cold from October until May.
We have the finances to move back to FL and have even found a house to purchase.
Problem is, when I mention it to my family they freak out. (Hubby is supportive but is fine anywhere, really). My brothers don't want to be 'stuck' taking care of the parents as they age. My dad loves using our barn for storing all his stuff since he downsized last year and moved into a smaller home, but kept all his junk and brought it to my house
There is so much more to the story, but bottom line is that they are making me feel awful for wanting to live my life somewhere warmer.
Any opinions? They have me second guessing every decision I make. The move up here from FL was a nightmare, and I'm pretty much freaked out about the move back down, especially since my family obviously won't be helping out this time.
But I am SOOOOO miserable up here.
Do what you want. It sounds like your parents must like Florida so if you want to live there, go for it. They can come and live in Florida full-time if they so decide and get to a point that they can't take care of themselves. If they choose to stay in Illinois, that's their choice also. Your brothers can do some helping too. It's maddening that the women are always stuck taking care of relatives. I'm not trying to make it sound so awful, but brothers can help out a little more than they do.
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So she is gone Oct.-March.
