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Yeah. You were stupid and gullible for letting a pedophile grope you and imagine you were in love with him. It sounds like you want whatever she has out of jealousy and sibling rivalry. Find some therapy and get on with your life.
I was very successful as a teenager. We both played music and she was always jealous that I was better at it than she was and I could notice her hatred towards me in daily life. Yea, i might have been gullible but after all I was only 14 and did not know much about life yet. You say that I was jealous and wanted everything that my sister had but hey, you know what? I did not know that she was into him at that time so how did I want what she had?? She was married to his brother! I have noticed that something was up when I noticed how she would get upset that he would complement me and stuff like that. I was not looking for you to call me names but for some tips on how to get over the pain. I guess, this is not the website where people are doing that.
Hello everyone.
I have been having problems with my sister since always, and by trying to look for a solution online, I came here.
There is seven years difference between me and my only sibling, and I am twenty years old. By reading luckygirl's post. I realised we were in the same situation. My sister didn't really like me since I was small. Not too sure if it is jealousy or it is something else. She used to beat me up when I was small, hurt me with bad words when I grew up and even now, embarrass me in front of family members by critisizing me. Even if my parents are here, they would not say anything.
I am currently studying abroad and I thought this would help our relationship as we wouldn't be seeing each other for so long. But it stayed same or maybe went worse. Everytime, she would purposely criticise me in front of family members to hurt me. It hurts a lot because i know a lot of people who have sisters and they get along so well. I love her a lot and I never think bad things about her.
Till now, I do not think about it and I try to forget, but I am worried after my parents are gone, I would be lonely without any close family member because after all I have only one sister.
I don't even feel comfortable taking about it because I believe no one will understand how I feel exactly and I wonder if me and my sister will ever get along well someday...
Listen to Hothulamaui....Best advice!
Get some other friends...how you make friends is go out and do things...get involved in volunteer work...start visiting a bit more with others when you have the opportunity.
No matter what goes on between you and your sister...you are responsible for your own life...It seems that you are stuck in the past. Being stuck, and blaming your sister are handicapping you in the present. You need to address this...whether you move away or not.
I honestly think you should address it there...then if you still want to move...you'll have some coping skills and know it is the right choice.
Get some counseling, find a support group...deal with all the negativity that you've described. Get healthier emotionally..You'll feel better in all aspects of your life.
I put a couple of links...there are lots of links for online support...Do a bit of research. Good luck to you
Luckygirl and others with sisters or other family members like hers,
I have a sister very much like yours. I have learned a lot that has helped me deal with her from this site that lists 100 traits of personality disordered people.
[url=http://www.outofthefog.net/CommonBehaviors/Top100Traits.html]Out of the FOG - Top 100 Behaviors & Traits of Individuals who suffer from Personality Disorders[/url
this is a takeoff on an old thread. My input. When someone is very odd and you can't get to the heart of the problem, just keep lines of communication open, make no demands, and be friendly and polite. Really, stop overanalyizing this and build your own community of friends.
Honestly....I am going to suggest counseling. You need some talk therapy to get over and put your childhood sibling rivalry into perspective.
I had a sister, 4 years younger than me. I sometimes had to walk on eggshells, because to confront her about anything, ever would mean she wouldn't speak to me for months. I moved away from my hometown in my late 20's. My sister and I became closer after my mom died when we were in our 40's. We talked on the phone nearly weekly. It takes sometimes a tragedy to break walls down.
We discussed how crappy and distant our relationship had been for so long, and we resolved never to let it get there again.
When I would go to my home state to visit my daughter, I would also see my sister, even if she only had a day to come visit, she went out of her way to do so.
We got pretty close over the years..taking often...laughed a lot, shared complaints, life etc...every Sat we were on the phone sometimes for 2 hours.
Then last July 12, just a couple of days after she and I had our weekly marathon telephone call her step daughter called me to say my sister was killed in a car crash earlier that morning.
I thought she was joking...It was really a shock, and thanks to my wonderful boss who paid for my trip I was on a plane w/in 3 hours.
The next 10 days are a blur....But, I know the one thing...beyond all the pain and the grieving...I miss my sister's voice so much...I miss our banter, and our long heart to heart..."life's disappointing" talks.
I know I had to overlook plenty to keep our relationship great and close...and she may have felt that she did too.
But...I promise you, it is worth it!...get some professional help to work our your resentment...let that go and build from now before you regret wasting time over things that no longer matter.
Love her now...Never regret missing time w/ your only sister. Best to you, jan
Respectfully, I disagree. Sadly, I am in a similar relationship with my older sister. You can only make a relationship better if both parties want that. My sister despises me. She actually said that to me. She makes a point to exclude me from anything she can manipulate when it comes to family. I have literally been (intentionally) "left behind." Yet I watch her "kiss up" to other extended family members with gushing adoration (of course, from a distance and superficially) to curry their favor. I'm not going into details here, but it's extremely hurtful. It's devastating and I seem to have much in common with the OP. My sister absolutely begged me to move where she was. I eventually did, and she immediately proceeded to shun me.
I have tried to have a relationship, have been loyal to my sister and always supportive. In return, she undermines and sabotages me, and tries to turn others against me. Most are aware of her distinctly hostile behavior to me, in contrast to how she treats everyone else. It is that contrast that is the most painful for me. And she has very strong influence, and is the favorite, of our living parent.
Why does she hate me? I don't know. This has been the case my entire life, literally. Probably she hates me because I was born and exist.
Unfortunately, she has power over financial matters. It is a hideous situation where she has all the power, abuses it, and if I ask for information, I get knocked down and ganged up on. I don't play dirty, and don't air the dirty laundry (except here, to strangers), and I don't try to turn others against her like she does to me. (I probably should.). But because of the financial issues, I cannot just tell her to shove it, slam the door on her and walk away. She can hurt me even more if I don't tread carefully.
Anyway, my point is that sometimes you can try for decades, but in vain. Because if the other person wishes you didn't exist, you cannot change their mind. It's sad, but true. I envy my friends who are close to their siblings. There is nothing that would please me more than to have the same.
OP, you're not alone. You can try, like I did for years, to figure out "why." But it's pointless. It just doesn't matter why. You cannot control or change it. Try to accept it, move forward and find others with whom you can establish a close relationship. Don't keep returning to a well that's dry searching for water.
Well, in my opinion, you can do either one of 2 things:
1) Set up with her a time when you can both sit down for at least 2 hours with no interruptions...cell phones off, no kids/grandkids running around, etc. & it's just the two of you so you can really talk & attempt to mend this relationship...IF that's what you BOTH want. BOTH people have to want it though.
If you both really want it, you BOTH have to work at the relationship. This means possibly even going to family counseling or at the least agree not to dismiss each other, or her negatively talking you down all the time, meeting up regularly for lunch, etc.
2) If one of you doesn't want the above, I suggest you move somewhere after doing extensive research where you strongly believe you can be happy & live the rest of your life. You're in your 50s now. None of us are getting any younger, so if you want to try to have some contentment in life, move now & hopefully, you'll have at least 20+ more years of happiness.
How does that sound?
Either way, don't spend too much more time not doing anything. Life is way too short to be miserable!
Harsh, yeah, but you know what, we need people in our camps, and just because she's related doesn't give her rights to be a shythead to you....and I'd like to slap the taste out of your moms mouth for her not saying anything to your sister, I'd have knocked her head of her damn neck if that was me.....
I'm sorry for the language but lately I've gone weary of people and BS......
Best luck to you...
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Actually, I think it is the opposite
