How do you know when to let go of a friendship? (husband, person)
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Quick back story, I've been friends with J (we'll caller her just that for the purposes of this thread) since college. In college we got a long really well, we had classes together and also worked together. She was a really laid back fun person back then.
Now, I feel she's super judgmental of everything and everyone. In some ways she makes me sad and uncomfortable.
She moved away about four years ago, we've since seen each other either visiting other friends or she's come to visit me. She nagged about how I never visited but every time I asked if I could visit she would tell me she had other things going on.
Anyway, we've been drifting since before my wedding, I think she felt she should have been the maid of honor or something and we actually didn't talk for a few months after my wedding because she threw a fit over coming into the state during the week and staying over an hour away from where I lived me not being able to meet her. She wasn't around on the weekend and I work until late. My boss did not approve me leaving early any day as it was a super busy week and had had gotten no notice from her.
We since "made up" but we've drifted apart. We've been drifting for a while now.
I texted her this morning asking if she would be in town this weekend because my husband finally has a weekend off and maybe we could come visit. I apologized for being short notice but he never knows his work schedule until a week in advance at most (and actually we only know for sure that he has Saturday off, we are still waiting to hear if he can be off on Sunday too). She completely blew me off, bitched about how last minute it was and said she was busy. All understandable, especially the being busy part but I did explain why it was last minute and we understood she was busy and that maybe we could try again another time. She has since been ignoring my texts.
Prior to this, she texted me complaining about her job numerous times and I mentioned that sometimes I feel unhappy at mine too. She then went on to tell me I needed to quit and all that. I told her I wasn't at that point, and that nothing is perfect. She chastised me for not making changes with my life. I am happy with my life, I was just trying to relate to her situation.
She seems to think she is better than everyone and it has just gotten to the point its uncomfortable to even talk to her. We used to be great friends but now I don't know what we are and I'm not sure we even have anything in common anymore.
I don't know how to let go as we have mutual friends but I just am not sure I want to be friends anymore.
I don't know how to let go as we have mutual friends but I just am not sure I want to be friends anymore.
People change. Just continue to allow the natural drift from friend to acquaintance. Stop asking to visit and be unavailable if she wants to visit. Reduce the frequency of other contact. At a later date you may drift back from acquaintance to friend.
Thanks everyone for the responses. I feel a little bit better. cdnirene, I think I'll do as you say, just let it fade and not be available for visits and will not request to go visit either.
When a friendship is no longer fun, comfortable or sustaining it's time to let it go.
^This.
And sorry, people I know ask me if I want to do things all of the time last minute---no reason to have an attitude, just a simple explanation of why I can or can't.
She will always be your friend, but people and their needs change, so there is less time and energy put into their relationship. Just let her know the door is always open ... you never know what the future my bring. There is another thread on CD about Boomers getting together to share homes and rekindle the college life style.
Best wishes to both of you!
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