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I met my friend Bob at my last job, our friendship (two guys) is based on shared work and people from the job mixed with sports and the occasional night out drinking. I've met his wife and 2 yr old daughter several times.
Since we don't work together anymore our friendship has changed, naturally. But now Bob mainly wants me to come to his house and hang out with his wife and kid. The kid has been getting treatment for a type of cancer that she should be able to beat 100%, she's already free from the cancer, further checkups will mainly be precautionary. Note, they have also needed plenty of parental and Fed and State help to pay their bills.
But it seems like Bob wants me to develop such a relationship with his daughter that it's making me very uncomfortable. Does he want me to start giving money to support the kid and family (knowing I'm older and pretty well-off at this point)? Or is he just so emotionally focused on his daughter (naturally) that he can't compartmentalize his life at this time? Either way I can't help but pull away.
I honestly don't know if this now odd friendship is worth keeping unless I make the little girl my special charity case. Has anyone else been put in this position?
Even though she is beating the cancer, I am sure that it was a very scary time for Bob and his wife. Most likely, the little girl has shifted to the center of his universe. That's all.
But it seems like Bob wants me to develop such a relationship with his daughter that it's making me very uncomfortable. Does he want me to start giving money to support the kid and family (knowing I'm older and pretty well-off at this point)? Or is he just so emotionally focused on his daughter (naturally) that he can't compartmentalize his life at this time? Either way I can't help but pull away.
Can you explain how you got this impression? Like did Bob say something?
Even though she is beating the cancer, I am sure that it was a very scary time for Bob and his wife. Most likely, the little girl has shifted to the center of his universe. That's all.
Can you explain how you got this impression? Like did Bob say something?
He gives me updates on her health and updates on their financial situation all the time. Talking about the old job is usually item #1 but then it turns to the kid. He also often says the kid is a "big fan of mine."
He considers you a friend and gives you updates on two very important parts of his life. Sounds normal to me. Has he ever indicated that you should loan him money?
Unless he's made direct comments to you about asking for money, or wanting you to invest emotionally in his daughter, the only conclusion I can draw based on your statements is that you are reading too much into it. I have to say, your assumptions strike me as a little odd. Unless there's something you haven't divulged yet, it appears you're taking things the wrong way. His daughter's fight with cancer is obviously the center of his world (rightfully so) and as your friend he's sharing this with you. His saying "she's a big fan of yours" doesn't mean anything other than what it says. I really wouldn't worry about this. Unless he comes right out and asks for money or something. I guess if his updates are really bothering you than you should tell him. But be prepared to lose a friend, and look pretty selfish in the process.
He gives me updates on her health and updates on their financial situation all the time. Talking about the old job is usually item #1 but then it turns to the kid. He also often says the kid is a "big fan of mine."
I agree that he may be trying to beg for money. That's what I would think too, if he keeps saying that and insisting you come see here. I mean, do they not have any other family or friends that come visit?
That would be uncomfortable, especially with him talking finances. Even my best friend and I don't give numbers.
He gives me updates on her health and updates on their financial situation all the time. Talking about the old job is usually item #1 but then it turns to the kid. He also often says the kid is a "big fan of mine."
I can see him updating you on his daughters health, but the "financial situation" part of it strikes me as strange...maybe he's afraid that his daughters condition could reverse and become life threatening again, and he knows he can't afford the treatment so he feels he needs to endear his daughter to you....just in case he does have to ask for help.
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This would make me go Hmmmm also
