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Old 07-24-2013, 08:48 AM
 
16,579 posts, read 20,712,881 times
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OP, your first priority is to your baby and yourself. Your brother is a college-educated adult living at home. He may or may not pay you back, but he will probably ask you for money in the future. All you need to say is, "No." You do not owe him or anyone else an explanation. If you do not want to find yourself in this position again, do not put yourself in this position.

He reminds me of my own brother, who lived rent-free at my parents' expense until he was 50 years old and I was in a position to tell him that he had to pay his own way. On top of that, I have given him money when he's asked, but only when I knew he was in a bad way not of his own making (related to his wife's cancer). I have never expected to get any of it back.
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Old 07-24-2013, 12:34 PM
 
Location: CA
2,464 posts, read 6,469,447 times
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Personally I would just say to your brother, "if you can live with the fact that you took money from me and my child(ren), then I can live without it. But just so you know, everyone will know about it, and I'm not doing it out of spite, but just to warn our family that you will screw them over no matter who they are. I'm not going to mention this to you again but I'm not going to forget it either and I still love you." Then smile. The end. I wouldn't tell him it's a "gift" because it wasn't. But you do need to call him out on his behavior at the very least. That said, I don't think money is worth the disintegration of a family relationship. You've been taught a lesson (as I have learned the hard way too), never loan family members money. Expect to never see a dime.
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Old 07-24-2013, 12:59 PM
 
Location: Bowie, MD
303 posts, read 595,720 times
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When I first moved back to my hometown, I didn't have a job and needed a computer. So I asked my brother (who'd just received a settlement for a car accident) if I could borrow a few hundred dollars to get a new laptop. He gave it to me and I paid him back (the day before I got my first paycheck he harassed me like he was the Viking Corporation).

Months later he asked to borrow money from me, roughly the same amount. I loaned it to him and consistently loaned him money for a few years. It's likely that I'll never see a dime of any of that money, ever.

It's hard to stonewall family when it comes to Money, but will cause you a LOT less angst in the long run. My advice is to write it off as tuition in the school of life and never let him "borrow" money from you again, no matter how many of the world's smallest violins are playing when he asks.
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