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She inferred that it was an empty gesture Americans engage in. It wasn't the first time I've encountered Europeans who completely dislike American pleasantries. Heck, Americans from the coasts do this as well thinking their cynicism makes then two steps ahead of an idiot heart lander. They're from the "mean streets" ya know? *sarcasm*
I got the impression that the trick is to break the ice with Brits, I guess to form a friendship with them. Well, it works the same way over here. Small talk over here is breaking the ice but that doesn't mean automatic friendship.
Brits have their way of deciding if they want to be friends with you. Americans have their own way.
When I was in an Italian restaurant, I asked who I thought was the manager if he shared his Wifi password. He responded that he was not the manager. I told him that he certainly acted like he was in charge. (His behavior was really more "macho.") His response was that was the Italian in him. He was very friendly to me after that. So I guess I broke the ice with that guy.
I think the OP was not ready for the response he got.
I've lived here for half of my life and still haven't figured it out LOL. I've always been an outcast here, throughout school. I didn't exactly have a plethora of friends back in the UK, but I had enough. My mum had the same problem which is why she returned. It's not easy trying to adapt to a new country, especially one that catches an English speaker off guard as to just how different it is.
Many Brits break the ice by going to the pub and having a pint or five. The key is not to be loud, not to come across as arrogant or self important. It also depends where you are in the UK.
I have broken the ice before, but it's difficult being an introvert in a land of (predominantly) extroverts. Why do you think I call myself non-creep? It's because I've been called creepy before just for being quiet and more reclusive. That doesn't mean I'm a danger to anyone. I don't have these problems when I go back to Britain. I just sort of blend in with all the other weirdos.
Kudos to you for breaking the ice in Italy. Did you use Italian? I always try to make an effort when I'm in a non-English speaking country. That's one very effective way of breaking the ice.
Good lord, you think its about getting intimate with strangers? It's about understanding social cues. Something I think a lot of Brits lack and their quirkiness can be annoying to us Southerners I guess. I'm not taking about laying your heart out to creepers, anyone would be stand offish to that. But the fact that you compare it to someone being nice speaks volumes. Be that way that's fine that's not the point, the point is that you think its something akin to being more sensible is what irks me about people with ur social views.
In real life not to many find that lonesome "quirky" Brit all that charming, it proly died out with hugh grant, (Americas moved on to posh obnoxious Brits). They find it weird.
I almost dated a girl a Brit girl like that in college and thought it was going to be cool like dating a quirky Kristin scott Thomas. No, it was not, movies are fake and make socially awkward reserved ppl seem like the heroes. The girl was too reserved and a bit strange, not comfortable to be around. Instead I went out with a supposedly loud mouthed Aussie girl they always portray as being a lout in films but she was a hoot, a great gal. This obviously doesn't go for all Brits, I'm horribly generalizing but this notion that being super reserved and stand offish is more sensible is bo ll ocks as you say.
Thank god that whole bumbling Hugh Grant stereotype died out!
It's like you are offended by the comment that girl made, but you are bashing the way many British people are, why? And you're basing this off one rude girl in Starbucks who was probably just having a bad day and your almost ex?
Now you know how I feel and how I was bullied at school for being awkward to be around, creepy or whatever else. Because I wasn't into sports or other macho BS, I was targeted.
Just admit that our cultures have become quite vastly different since the inception of this country. We have more in common with other northern Europeans than we do Americans or even Australians. If you were living in the UK, perhaps you might make people feel uncomfortable too as you seem like you're quite critical and outspoken?
She inferred that it was an empty gesture Americans engage in. It wasn't the first time I've encountered Europeans who completely dislike American pleasantries. Heck, Americans from the coasts do this as well thinking their cynicism makes then two steps ahead of an idiot heart lander. They're from the "mean streets" ya know? *sarcasm*
Because that's how it's interpreted for whatever reason. It's not rocket science. It doesn't mean we don't like American pleasantries, it just means we are on a different wavelength or don't understand why this complete random stranger is all "heyyyyy!" as if they have known you for your entire life.
I've lived here for half of my life and still haven't figured it out LOL. I've always been an outcast here, throughout school. I didn't exactly have a plethora of friends back in the UK, but I had enough. My mum had the same problem which is why she returned. It's not easy trying to adapt to a new country, especially one that catches an English speaker off guard as to just how different it is.
Many Brits break the ice by going to the pub and having a pint or five. The key is not to be loud, not to come across as arrogant or self important. It also depends where you are in the UK.
I have broken the ice before, but it's difficult being an introvert in a land of (predominantly) extroverts. Why do you think I call myself non-creep? It's because I've been called creepy before just for being quiet and more reclusive. That doesn't mean I'm a danger to anyone. I don't have these problems when I go back to Britain. I just sort of blend in with all the other weirdos.
Kudos to you for breaking the ice in Italy. Did you use Italian? I always try to make an effort when I'm in a non-English speaking country. That's one very effective way of breaking the ice.
Sorry I made you believe I was in Italy. It was a restaurant here in the U.S. run by Italian immigrants.
I do want to say that even though I may have been born here in the U.S., I was not raised in the culture that you have a difficult time figuring out. The biggest reason why I had such a hard time figuring out this "American" culture was because of things like the OP. I realized that not all people react like the OP did nor do all Brits react like the girl in the OP did. That is key. They both were being unfair to each other, IMO.
Sorry I made you believe I was in Italy. It was a restaurant here in the U.S. run by Italian immigrants.
I do want to say that even though I may have been born here in the U.S., I was not raised in the culture that you have a difficult time figuring out. The biggest reason why I had such a hard time figuring out this "American" culture was because of things like the OP. I realized that not all people react like the OP did nor do all Brits react like the girl in the OP did. That is key. They both were being unfair to each other, IMO.
I agree. I sided with the OP originally but he seems to be as judgmental as the girl was to him. No offense OP.
I agree. I sided with the OP originally but he seems to be as judgmental as the girl was to him. No offense OP.
Good lord, I said I didn't mean to generalize all Brits but just this notion that people like the barista think. It was more of an accumulation of things euros have said in the past. Plus I've seen that girl many times and she was always a bit stand offish, even sarcastic, it's only that she directed her ire at me and I just didn't take it. What's the big deal? Don't dish it out if you can't take it too.
It's not just Europeans it's Americans too. I think this also stems from gross exaggerations of the anti-bullying movement that has really characterized confident socially healthy people with being douches, jerks and potential bullies. I mean are you inferring that the "heyyy" types were reminiscent of your tormentors in school, non creep? Saying hi how was you're day is not akin to someone attempting to butt in on you're entirely cloistered life. I think it says a lot if that's what you're comparing a pleasantry to
How was my response equally rude? I told her that she would be surprised by the number of people in American who WOULD actually care to hear about her day rather than the number who wouldn't. But if she thinks being a cynical pessimist is a much better reaction than so be it.
What about that was rude? I guess it just pains people to react toward unkindliness. To react to the cynical means being rude? What a joke! The world seems to almost praise and defend this anti social behavior these days! Jeez!
Someone who says the bolded to someone doesn't have any place to be lecturing someone about anti-social or rude behavior.
Quote:
Originally Posted by radiolibre99
Instead I told her, you know you'd be surprised by how many Americans would actually care to know about your day, rather than the the numbers that wouldn't. I for one wouldn't have minded if you told me a bit about your day and if I had the time would've given advice or helped. But if you want to play that whole cynical European routine where you think all Americans are insincere then that is fine too. If you want to think of yourself as morally superior for being an introverted social awkward person and confuse it as being "real" then by all means do what you feel.
It was meant as a comeback. Are you super sensitive or something?
I'm confused as to what any of you would've said in that situation? Do you guys just really take smarmy comments? Is this a turn the other cheek thing? Seriously what is your point?
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