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Old 12-10-2013, 07:51 AM
 
Location: USA
7,778 posts, read 10,133,940 times
Reputation: 11714

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My MIL was a huge problem in my life because she apparently resented that her only child married. Yes, we were too young, but I don't think it would have mattered no matter what age. I was 17 and he was 20. I was dumb as a sack of rocks, but her baby boy was dumber. So many of the mother-in-law jokes show the wife's mother as the bad one, but in my opinion, it is likely to be the husband's mother. Over the years of checking into it, I'm sure of my findings. Even if the son is of age, mothers still have a harder time letting go than they do with daughters. How was your situation?
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Old 12-10-2013, 08:18 AM
 
Location: southwestern PA
20,419 posts, read 37,622,069 times
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I LOVED my husband's mother - God rest her soul. And she love me as a daughter.

I experienced ZERO difference in "letting go" my daughter and my son. And both of their spouses have told me and others that I am being a good MIL.

I don't think you can make a blanket statement just because you personally had a bad experience.
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Old 12-10-2013, 09:03 AM
 
Location: USA
7,778 posts, read 10,133,940 times
Reputation: 11714
My statement is not based on only my experience. I checked extensively over the years and made my conclusion from research. Seems like you are making your opinion based on your experience. My mother was a good mil to my husband, but not to her son's wives. I've discussed this at length for many years. I think the ratio is 4 to 1.
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Old 12-10-2013, 09:14 AM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 67,141,087 times
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I think you are right that there is more often than not FRICTION of some kind between women and their MIL . . . but I do not think the problem lies exclusively with the MIL and her "hold" on her son.

Some DIL treat their MIL like crap.

And what I always thought was kind of funny . . . someone can demonize their MIL or their DIL and it is really THEY who are the problem (judgmental, obsessive, controlling, etc).

I try to tell young women as well as new MIL that we should always remember: every MIL had a MIL. Every DIL has a Mother. All of this plays into the situation . . . it isn't always just about the Mother-Son relationship.

Just throwing that into the mix, RUBI. Good topic!!!
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Old 12-10-2013, 09:30 AM
 
Location: southwestern PA
20,419 posts, read 37,622,069 times
Reputation: 39049
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rubi3 View Post
My statement is not based on only my experience. I checked extensively over the years and made my conclusion from research. Seems like you are making your opinion based on your experience.

Well, of course I am! That is how it is done.

What I am NOT doing is making sweeping generalizations based on my experience.
And I am not calling it extensive research.
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Old 12-10-2013, 11:20 AM
 
1,451 posts, read 1,581,247 times
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My MIL and I had some difficulties.

I think what is at the core of some of the MIL-DIL issues is that the husband/son doesn't set clear boundaries for the relationship, or address situations as they come up.

Of course if I could have done things over with my MIL I would have definitely addresses things differently. I used to have a very hard time telling her no. I don't think she was wrong necessarily..just different in what her expectations were.

My MIL is no longer living. Now I have a step-MIL of sorts.
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Old 12-10-2013, 12:14 PM
 
7,311 posts, read 4,951,251 times
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I get along with my MIL. My MIL and I are a lot alike so that helps.
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Old 12-10-2013, 12:17 PM
 
3,257 posts, read 4,474,703 times
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I experienced a lot of friction with my MIL but I see from the distance of age that it my perception. I was very young and not emotionally able to handle her, I had a lot of growing up to do. We are still not best friends but the drama is long over.
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Old 12-10-2013, 01:16 PM
 
2,690 posts, read 4,405,608 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rubi3 View Post
My MIL was a huge problem in my life because she apparently resented that her only child married. Yes, we were too young, but I don't think it would have mattered no matter what age. I was 17 and he was 20. I was dumb as a sack of rocks, but her baby boy was dumber. So many of the mother-in-law jokes show the wife's mother as the bad one, but in my opinion, it is likely to be the husband's mother. Over the years of checking into it, I'm sure of my findings. Even if the son is of age, mothers still have a harder time letting go than they do with daughters. How was your situation?
Um... so yeah... mothers love their kids more than their kid's spouses...Big Surprise.
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Old 12-10-2013, 01:40 PM
 
Location: Bloomington IN
6,534 posts, read 7,793,687 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pitt chick View Post
well, of course i am! That is how it is done.

What i am not doing is making sweeping generalizations based on my experience.
And i am not calling it extensive research.
plus++++++
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