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When my son was still in middle school, I knew some moms pack condoms for their college sons. Omg! I've never thought this will happen to me until you mentioned. How do I tell him about the protection?
Perhaps print out a page from the computer that says even when taken every day birth control pills have a 95% effectiveness rate (I think that is the correct statistic).
In my family we told our children while in high school that we hoped that they made good informed sexual choices and waited until they were mature and in a loving relationship to have sex. But, here are the facts for when you need them. My husband talked to our son and I talked with our daughter.
We felt that it was better to talk with them in advance then wish that we had discussed it and didn't.
Since our daughter was very active, even in HS, in HIV and AIDS awareness and prevention SHE told us very scary facts that we weren't aware about. At that time, white young, middle class females were one of the fastest growing group of people in the US becoming HIV positive.
Last edited by germaine2626; 12-26-2013 at 10:58 PM..
Put a box of condoms in the next care package you send and keep your opinions to yourself about his girlfriend and her family.
If/when he talks about her/them just ask how she is doing, how is her family but nothing more in depth. Keep it general but try to appear interested.
Since the gf is in the son's hometown, I don't think sending condoms is a good idea. If he needs condoms he needs them when he is in town.
I've been through something sort of like this. Adult student child involved with the wrong person, and it is totally obvious. At some point, after this person had demonstrated bad actions, I got on the phone and begged this child not to have a child with this person. Begged.
A previous poster made some good suggestions about insisting that he spend time with his family. You can also invite the gf to be with the family. If she is too demanding or difficult, he might see her in a different light. But it is best not to be too negative about her.
In terms of guiding him to use safe sex, you can direct him to the nearest Planned Parenthood office. If he gets her pregnant she will be in his life from then on, whether they marry or not.
When you are with her, you must be nice. Treat her with respect. If she doesn't treat you the same way, then perhaps your son will see that. But possibly he won't.
Your best bet is to keep him in school and away from this girl as much as possible. If you can afford to sent him someplace for the summer, some place educational, or if he wants to volunteer somewhere, make sure he gets to go. Away is better at this point.
I love this forum!!! You all are so knowledgeable and positive! I am 50-year-old, but I am not aware of other sexual transferable diseases other than HIV and herpes. What a shame! I am not yet comfortable talking to him about sex yet (never being a topic in our family) since his high school had this talk already. I will secretly pack a box of condoms in his luggage when he returns to school next week. I am praying he won't make stupid mistakes before he leaves.
I am such a ignorant mom! Now I realize I'd better not being annoying in addition.
Now I think it's time to learn how to keep healthy and good relationship with grown-up kids. Is that even possible?
Yes, I think it is possible to have a good relationship with your adult children.
And, sometimes, it may be appropriate to say something. If your child is getting serious with someone you can, IMHO, point out something glaring once and then let them make their own decision.
As an example, my daughter was starting to get very serious with a man from another country and I suspected that he may propose to her. I pointed out to her that he did not believe in monogamy in marriage and that she DID feel that husbands should be monogamous and that she had always said that "cheating was a deal breaker for her". Shortly after that they decided to "just stay friends".
Apparently, most/many men from his country, including him, felt that "of course, men will have mistresses, it is expected of them, but wives need to stay faithful to their husbands" and he had discussed it often with others including with our family. Now, if he actually told his potential in-laws that he thought "monogamy for men was stupid" I'm pretty confident that was not a value that he would change.
But, if a couple is just dating it is better to completely stay out of it.
I love this forum!!! You all are so knowledgeable and positive! I am 50-year-old, but I am not aware of other sexual transferable diseases other than HIV and herpes. What a shame! I am not yet comfortable talking to him about sex yet (never being a topic in our family) since his high school had this talk already. I will secretly pack a box of condoms in his luggage when he returns to school next week. I am praying he won't make stupid mistakes before he leaves.
Can someone talk to him? His father? An uncle? A trusted slightly older cousin?
I personally believe that you should say something even if you are embarrassed, even if it is just a sentence or two. If you just pack condoms he may think that you are encouraging him to have sex and he may or may not be ready.
Personally, I would be more worried about him having sex with his hometown girlfriend this week on vacation rather than someone new at college. I'm not saying that it will happen but it is something to consider, especially if her parents are talking about him as a future son-in-law.
Thank you silibran! I have told my son to invite her for family dinner before. He said she is so "scared" and will run away. I know this is just her excuse. I will invite her again before he returns to school. If she keeps rejecting, I hope my son will realize it is her ignoring his parents.
I understand. I need to be nice to her if she shows up.
Talking about summer plan, I suggested him trying "study abroad". He gave me straight answer NO! My next bet is to send him for internship. Why when kids are getting older, parenting is getting harder and harder?
Sneaking condoms into his luggage is to presumptive and may be offensive if he is in fact "waiting".
HAVE THE UNCOMFORTABLE CONVERSATION
act as if his life depends on it BECAUSE IT DOES
it's okay to be vulnerable and nervous and lacking knowledge (to a point), just be honest ... it will carry you a long way in your relationship in the future.
Can someone talk to him? His father? An uncle? A trusted slightly older cousin?
I personally believe that you should say something even if you are embarrassed, even if it is just a sentence or two. If you just pack condoms he may think that you are encouraging him to have sex and he may or may not be ready.
Personally, I would be more worried about him having sex with his hometown girlfriend this week on vacation rather than someone new at college.
You are right! I should be worried more about this week. My husband is useless. he totally stays out of this matter (I meant my son makes a girlfriend). I am the one spinning around. Lol
My only hopes now are he is already aware of the possible consequences. When my son was still in high school, He once told me their school advisors provide free condoms. I was shocked. I came from a very conservative family and can never imagine sex relationship is so freely nowadays.
So, now I should invite her to a family meal, again. Be nice. Also tell him a story of someone got pregnant and how that will affect their entire life.
Sneaking condoms into his luggage is to presumptive and may be offensive if he is in fact "waiting".
HAVE THE UNCOMFORTABLE CONVERSATION
act as if his life depends on it BECAUSE IT DOES
it's okay to be vulnerable and nervous and lacking knowledge (to a point), just be honest ... it will carry you a long way in your relationship in the future.
Got it! I'd better talking to him soon! The other day he came home and his neck has kissing marks.
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Also tell him a story of someone got pregnant and how that will affect their entire life.
