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As you may or may not know, Christmas may be a very depressing time or a very happy time. I was raised by a so called foster family, my foster mom, was never strict with her own kids, but thank goodness she was with me. She didn't like confrontation, nor did she like to discipline her kids...resulting in extremely self absorbant children, who were spoiled and had no children. All 3 of them, didn't want kids.
I have one son, a daughter in law and a grandchild, and I miss them terribly....the older I become the more I miss them, even though we see each other twice a year. They live in another state.
So, this year, has been a rough year all the way around...and I always host Christmas dinner. For those of you who do so, you know it is a lot of work and money.
My one sister always goes to a brunch, and then late to my home, and then announces that she is not hungry, and can't eat much b/c she just came from a brunch. My brother is always late, once he walked in when everyone was sitting down eating at the table...and it is embarrassing?
This Christmas I was very hurt, b/c as you also know, once someone announces they are leaving, it seems everyone else leaves, and my younger sister did that...
It really really hurt and maybe Im ultra sensitive b/c people are loosing they're jobs left and right where I work.
But I just feel like writing them and telling them, I'm no longer having Christmas dinner....? I would write them a note, stating, I mean no insult, but, I was hurt by their thoughtless actions?
I mean, it's like eat and run, and we always used to sit around the table and talk? No more? Plus I made 3 pies, and they didn't want dessert? So, when my sister said she was leaving, everyone else left? Plus, they don't help clean up....? They just leave me with the mess?
Maybe I'm expecting to much, don't expect them to help me with the dishes, but to clear off the table which is huge, and help me take the leaves out would be a big help?
Also, it used to really upset me, but when my foster dad passed away, both my sisters and brother used to always be late for her dinners...and it disgusted me...she worked so hard and had to hold it for up to as much as an hour or more, and they didn't care?
What would you do...
Last edited by cremebrulee; 12-27-2013 at 07:03 AM..
I would go to south Florida for a decent climate for once lol. As for food, I'm not particularly picky. I love it all. But a seafood dinner would really hit the spot.
I would go to south Florida for a decent climate for once lol. As for food, I'm not particularly picky. I love it all. But a seafood dinner would really hit the spot.
I used to go away for Christmas and think I might do it again?
As for seafood, I love it, however, have grown allergic to it, and can no longer indulge....
and how do you know I don't live in a warm climate?
But I just feel like writing them and telling them, I'm no longer having Christmas dinner....? I would write them a note, stating, I mean no insult, but, I was hurt by their thoughtless actions?
.. What would you do...
I wouldn't write to them, just don't extend the Christmas dinner invitation next year and, if they ask, tell them you're not up to it. And, as suggested, go away for a few days at Christmas and spend the money on yourself that you'd otherwise spend on making a big dinner. You'll appreciate it!
Don't have a big conversation. If they are that self-absorbed, they are clueless to your hurt feelings.
Just take a break. Next Christmas, travel out to see YOUR kids, or take a trip yourself. Break the hosting habit, and let someone else step up. If you still want to host, make it potluck.
If they don't, reserve a room at a restaurant and get SEPARATE checks.
I wouldn't write to them, just don't extend the Christmas dinner invitation next year and, if they ask, tell them you're not up to it. And, as suggested, go away for a few days at Christmas and spend the money on yourself that you'd otherwise spend on making a big dinner. You'll appreciate it!
Yes, I thought about that....like I said, did it for years before, b/c it really ticked me off, that they did that to my foster mom.
CB, ok... time to take care of yourself and stop putting yourself out there for disappointment. "Release" yourself from having this Christmas dinner on Christmas. I've had my share of sad Christmas Days.
Make a plan in November... take a few days and go away if you can afford to. As another reply said, don't even mention it to them. Just make YOUR plans. Go to another friend's house for the day. Go to the beach! Go the the movies and see several that day. I did that one year.
If they act all taken aback when you say you have other plans, pick a different day, like a Saturday after Christmas when they can all come and sit down and actually have dinner with you. Ha ha ha, or NOT!
I would not be inclined to put myself out to make dinner, and then feel unappreciated. You can't change what people do, you can't change horrible manners. It's like setting yourself up to feel bad. Life is too short!
If you don't tell them the truth how will they ever change in the future?
Perhaps a month from now write a nice, diplomatic note saying what you used to like about family dinners.
Remember when we all sat down at the same time and enjoyed eating a great meal together? And wasn't it fun to work together helping to put the food away and to clean up? And then we sat in the living room and drank coffee & ate dessert reminiscing about all of the good times in the past for a couple of hours?
I used to ready enjoy those things and I really missed that on this Christmas.
If you think that they will not "get the hint" be blunt.
I was disappointed when some of you came and weren't hungry for my food because you already ate. I was hurt when no one wanted to eat my delicious home made pies and then when everyone left so early. I was sad that no one wanted to reminisce about old times.As you know, it is getting much harder for me to move with my (list health problems, if any) and it was extremely difficult for me to remove the table leaves, and do all of the clean-up alone. It was extremely costly to buy and time consuming to prepare all the food and to have not even one Thank You (If no one said Thank You). I was really disappointing that everyone just wanted to rush home instead of spending time together.
Next year someone else can host the Christmas dinner as, after XX number of years, I have hosted my last family celebration.
Last edited by germaine2626; 12-27-2013 at 04:36 PM..
I don't think your expecting too much as it sounds too me your looking for what most families want on Christmas..
Companionship, talking about old times, laughter, and feeling the bond of Family!
I would give it some time as another poster mentioned and then make a phone call or write and tell your brother and sister
how you feel, and hear what they have to say.
Actions speak louder than words and their actions have hurt you. If they don't respond kindly to your phone call or you detect no change in behavior, then go spend time with your son and family next year. Or do whatever pleases YOU..
It may be time for a New Christmas tradition, being home alone reading a book..spending time with your son, or what you did
prior. Only you know what you really crave around that time of year..I hope it all works out well for you in the future..
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