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Wow, I have a 34-year-old son who in every way meets the OP's description. I'm gob-smacked that s/he considers it a problem.
Whether he's straight, as I assume my son is but what-the-hey difference does it make, or no, it's his life to lead.
fwiw, I didn't meet and marry until I was 30. That was 35 years ago, thank god my mom didn't - overtly at least - lose sleep over it.
I personally know two different men who found the "love of their life" when they were 50 years old.
Would it have been better for them to get married to someone that they didn't love just so that they were married? I don't think so.
In the first case, a close friend of my father, was virtually inseparable from his wife from the day that they married until he died almost 40 years later. Even in their 70s & 80s they were always smiling, happy, holding hands and snuggling like teenagers in love. It was amazing to see them.
The second man was a relative, who had dated a few women seriously but when he met his now wife he said that it was "love at first sight" and he has been deliriously happy even since.
Maybe your son will meet the "love of his life" tomorrow, or next week, or next year, or the next decade. Just let him find love on his own schedule and be happy for him when he does.
If he is gay he would have told us a long time ago. that is not a problem for us, for our family.
Not necessarily so! He may have had some negative experiences with men, hasn't yet had any positive experiences with men, and he's still questioning his sexual identity. And that could go on for decades!
A negative experience with a man could have driven him "back across the border". Then? A negative experience with a woman, and "back across the border he goes". Back and forth, back and forth!
I told my mother and dad I was Gay, long ago, but it was out of anger that I did it, more than anything!
But even today, 40 years later, I still feel very uncomfortable reporting it to co-workers, other family members, despite all the freedom today!
And, yes, as one poster suggested he could have some sexual fetishes he's trying to deal with!
And with a 50% divorce rate today, and listening to, or listening in on, conversations of those suffering in marriages today, or suffering from a divorce, he may have many good reasons to remain sane!
i don't know why you sound so annoyed that we would like to see him married, because he would like to get married as well. he just may not be ready, but i don't know if anyone knows they are.
He is happy, he has a nice life. but i know he also wants to meet someone, have a partner in his life. that much i do know.
If he is gay he would have told us a long time ago. that is not a problem for us, for our family.
i am not making his love life my business, but his happiness, which is a lot fuller.
Keep in mind younger people are waiting to get married. You don't want him getting married for the sake of getting married. Perhaps he is waiting for the right woman.
Just be happy that he's a healthy person with a good career as you prescribe. Maybe he's the type that wants to get married when he's much older? My aunt married her husband (never married before) when he was 51!
I do have an inkling that he could be gay. It's a possibility to linger on, not an outright fact though. I know you said that he would've told you a long time ago if he were. But there are some gays who just aren't comfortable to 'reveal' themselves just yet. They just don't know what to expect (like myself for example).
Son is a sweet guy who seems to attract women who take advantage of him and then, mercifully, leave. They are not dreadful women, just users and they use him. He ends up broke and broken-hearted.
I don't care if he is gay or has weird sex fetishes or ???, I just want him to be happy. I realize there is nothing I can do about it. I'm not setting him up on blind dates, or putting his profile up on Match.com, I just ache for him.
I am posting this to see if people can relate to this, either as parent or as child, and offer some perspective.
our son, the younger child, is 35+, handsome, healthy, has a great career, lives and works in another state, and is single. both my husband and i would like to see him married, have a companion, partner, love in his life. he is trying to meet women as well, i think he is on dating sites although he would never discuss this with us, has had girl friends but nothing that looks like it is going to be long term.
i cannot understand why. it may be he is not ready for marriage, to share his life with someone, is afraid to make that leap. he was here with us for the summer (he teaches,) and was seeing a girl (who also teaches) and they were out a lot, overnight at her place, he brought her home, twice, they seem to have a lot in common, we liked her, they went for a weekend to the cape on a camping trip -- and then nothing. he seems to have lost interest in her but will not discuss, and it is very hard to talk to him without getting him very annoyed. i don't know who has decided it is not working, she or him.
in my rational mind i know for the sake of everyone's sanity i should just let him be and when he is ready he will find someone. but i also worry he is lonesome, depressed, and will end up a loner in his old age.
it was so different with my daughter, she dated 2 men, got married to the 3rd one. we always knew what was happening with her, her dates, her plans, if she was sad, if she was happy, there were no mysteries.
with my son - it is all dark and a mystery. very frustrating.
Better single than rushed into a bad marriage. Most marriages end in divorce so taking time to find the right one is a wise move. Also, he's an adult and it's his choice.
Find something else to do for distraction and stop worrying about it.
Son is a sweet guy who seems to attract women who take advantage of him and then, mercifully, leave. They are not dreadful women, just users and they use him. He ends up broke and broken-hearted.
I don't care if he is gay or has weird sex fetishes or ???, I just want him to be happy. I realize there is nothing I can do about it. I'm not setting him up on blind dates, or putting his profile up on Match.com, I just ache for him.
How do you know he is not happy just the way things are? Just because YOU needed to be married to be happy does not mean he does.
I have a son in a similar situation. It makes me sad, because I do believe he would prefer to be in a relationship, but the few relationships he was in did not work out well.
It's only human nature for a mother to want their child to be happy - but happiness is a do it yourself project. Everyone must take steps to secure it for themselves, regardless of the good intentions of others.
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