Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
well, he would like to get married, i have already said that. not top of his agenda maybe but up there.
When i said that i did not mean age, although it IS a factor, but i mean finding the right person, which is a more important factor. it is rare and difficult to find a perfect match but when you hit 6 or 7 out of 10, and they are important ones, then that is a window of opportunity that has closed if we don't take the right step.
i compare it to when my husband and i were young and not very experienced about buying a house and we rejected some that we saw that did not have the right kind of appearance, wrong color, siding etc. even carpet color not realizing how easy these thing are to fix. nobody told us and it was such a simple thing that our realtor probly. did not realize. i am not saying people are like houses but i think people do grow, develop and mature, adapt and that is a factor that one may not realize that happens in a long term marriage.
it is not age or having kids but the right person for him. i think that is something worth discussing with someone who has your interest, time to listen to you, and can explore it and perhaps illuminate it.
Age shouldn't be a factor to you. If it is to him, that's his choice. He is 35, not 65.
I would be extremely offended if I saw this as your son. You're basically saying he needs to "settle" for that 6/10 or the window closes. 6/10 is barely above average. I don't want to marry what I perceive as barely better than average.
You still seem entrenched in your views here. If your son comes to you for advice and wants it, give it. If his life was off the rails with legal issues or substance abuse, that's one thing, but it sounds like you want to dole out "advice" where it's neither warranted nor wanted.
Last edited by Serious Conversation; 08-06-2014 at 09:38 PM..
Sorry, I didn't read through all 7 pages, but did you discuss the subject of parenthood with him? HIS parenthood, not yours.
My mother was similarly worried about me. I had girlfriends here and there, but couldn't find the right one until I was 46. The main reason was that I knew from a very early age that I was simply never interested in parenthood. As a man, this narrows your odds by about... 90%. At least. When you're in your 20s and 30s, most women you meet are obsessed with having children. After that, they already have them. If you're not willing to compromise on this subject... "oh okay, we'll stop at TWO if you really insist," or "oh okay, you only have two, so I'll give this stepfather thing a try," then it really, really narrows the field down, and it can take a very long time to find the right person.
Last edited by Golden_Monkey; 08-06-2014 at 09:40 PM..
Age shouldn't be a factor to you. If it is to him, that's his choice. He is 35, not 65.
I would be extremely offended if I saw this as your son. You're basically saying he needs to "settle" for that 6/10 or the window closes. 6/10 is barely above average. I don't want to marry what I perceive as barely better than average.
You still seem entrenched in your views here. If your son comes to you for advice and wants it, give it. If his life was off the rails with legal issues or substance abuse, that's one thing, but it sounds like you want to dole out "advice" where it's neither warranted nor wanted.
I think she meant six or seven things in common out of ten traits/viewpoints/etc, as opposed to six out of ten on a scale of 1-10. Remember, this is mom talking--she's probably not advocating the rating of potential mates on an arbitrary numerical scale, a scale which from my experience tends to take only physical attributes into account as relevant criteria. And it would strike me as rather hilarious if she had meant "And they are important ones" to express that the sixth/seventh points on the scale from one to ten were vastly important differentiators over 5 and below, heh.
The assumption that everyone should automatically want a relationship is gross and ridiculous. There is nothing "wrong" or "abnormal" about remaining single for your whole life. At all. It's simply the way some people choose to live. Not to mention the fact that whether or not a person remains single is often the result of factors outside of their control (their attractiveness, their standards in a partner etc).
You truly need to open up your narrow world view because right now you run the risk of offending far more people than your son.
OMG, another thread by a parent overly interested in a son's lovelife?
Really?
Can we put a moratorium on these, please?
Can't help but wonder why you chose to post on a thread you have no interest in.
Do you walk up to people at parties and announce you don't care for what they are discussing and they need to discuss something that doesn't bore you to tears?
At work, do you announce that there are certain topics that come up repeatedly and you would like a moratorium on these topics as you have no interest in them?
There are thousands of C-D threads where you could post rude remarks on a topic you might actually be interested in.
There's a woman asking for advice on which outfit is best. You could tell her that all of them make her look like a hefty heifer and instead of posting here, she should be exercising.
On the real estate forum there is yet another discussion on why a home hasn't sold. You could jump in with a post on how they've staged the house to look like your grandma's trailer.
I sound like a lot like your son, but a bit younger. I am 28 and it's been awhile since I've had a serious relationship. I find it exceptionally hard to meet decent women my age (tend to either go for significantly older or younger) because the most eligible women are probably already in a relationship, and many of the ones who aren't have some other kind of baggage to deal with.
You need to just give him space. It's his personal life, and while I don't know about him, I don't appreciate people insinuating that I'm gay or constantly asking why I don't have a wife or kids.
I'm in the same boat myself. Single, childless and well educated individual and I have not been in an relationship in the past 7 years. Some family members ask why I don't have a woman yet and why or how come I have not fathered any kids yet. I have not found a suitable woman yet. And I agree that many women do have baggage or some sort of issues like having a career or work, or women with baggage have financial problems or in and out of relationships with with multiple baby fathers which I do not want part of. I do agree that the ops parents should just give him space and let him be him. It does look bad that a guy that is decent, well educated and career stable does not have a woman by his side especially when the guy is in his thirties. My mom and even my dad are happy that I'm single and fatherless due to the fact that women where I live are very vain, shallow and no good and will take every penny after a child is born sticking a man up for child support. Decent guys these days have to be very careful with what woman they choose to go out with.
I have three male friends that never married and are perfectly fine with that. I have one male friend that was married to the love of his life and she died in her 30's. He never remarried. I have another divorced friend that was only briefly married in his 30's and he never remarried. One size does not fit all and trying to live some one elses life for them is never a good idea. You have to play the hand you're dealt cb2008. His life is his choice and should be respected.
I'm in the same boat myself. Single, childless and well educated individual and I have not been in an relationship in the past 7 years. Some family members ask why I don't have a woman yet and why or how come I have not fathered any kids yet. I have not found a suitable woman yet. And I agree that many women do have baggage or some sort of issues like having a career or work, or women with baggage have financial problems or in and out of relationships with with multiple baby fathers which I do not want part of. I do agree that the ops parents should just give him space and let him be him. It does look bad that a guy that is decent, well educated and career stable does not have a woman by his side especially when the guy is in his thirties. My mom and even my dad are happy that I'm single and fatherless due to the fact that women where I live are very vain, shallow and no good and will take every penny after a child is born sticking a man up for child support. Decent guys these days have to be very careful with what woman they choose to go out with.
The OP's son is probably in the same situation we're in.
I moved from a small town in rural TN to Indianapolis and thought there would be more professional women up here that were single. I've really not found that to be the case. Most of the women who are single around my age have kids (turn off), financial problems (turn off), or some other kind of issue. Most of the decent women are already snapped up.
If he is in the same situation, I can't blame him for his hesitation.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
