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When I was a youngish widow a met a great guy who was a bachelor. At the time I was 50 and he was 48. He had a good career, a nice home and was handsome with a wonderful personality. We dated for several months and then he took me home to meet his parents. They loved me and were so happy. He had told them he had found "the one" and I was in love with him. We talked about marriage and it was all going great. But little things began to corrode our connection. He didn't return phone calls for a couple of days when he got busy. We would make plans and then I would be all ready for the hike/movie/dinner, etc. and he'd say "let's do something else, I don't feel like it any more." He was a neat freak to the point that he kept everything in its original box. So, for example, if you used the toaster you had to completely sanitize it like you were going to return it to the store and put it back in its original box. Basically, my initial affection for his sense of humor and sweet & good character remained but my ability to sustain an interest in creating a life together waned. Even tho I tried to work on issues with him, his discomfort in changing and my frustration with his quirks made the relationship come to an end. We dated seriously for a year. Then we didn't speak for about a year. Then, we missed eachother and re-connected as friends and continued to get together for lunches and some outings (we both liked to fly personal aircraft). His parents and all his many, many friends always expressed confusion about "why???" it didn't work. But, some people just are quirky and finding the right match is like finding a needle in a haystack. It may take decades, it may never happen. Unfortunately my friend died of cancer a few years ago. I sat with the family at the funeral...
So is he happy? I understand maybe he does want to get married, but is he happy anyway?
If so, leave him be. If not, let him know he can always come to you for advice.
He is actually depressed a lot and he is managing it wisely with medication. I realize depression can be chemical imbalance but it can also be situational. Happiness is transient, nobody is happy all the time. Having someone you care for and who cares for you, that you can share with, contributes to feeling of well being. I wish that for him.
When I was a youngish widow a met a great guy who was a bachelor. At the time I was 50 and he was 48. He had a good career, a nice home and was handsome with a wonderful personality. We dated for several months and then he took me home to meet his parents. They loved me and were so happy. He had told them he had found "the one" and I was in love with him. We talked about marriage and it was all going great. But little things began to corrode our connection. He didn't return phone calls for a couple of days when he got busy. We would make plans and then I would be all ready for the hike/movie/dinner, etc. and he'd say "let's do something else, I don't feel like it any more." He was a neat freak to the point that he kept everything in its original box. So, for example, if you used the toaster you had to completely sanitize it like you were going to return it to the store and put it back in its original box. Basically, my initial affection for his sense of humor and sweet & good character remained but my ability to sustain an interest in creating a life together waned. Even tho I tried to work on issues with him, his discomfort in changing and my frustration with his quirks made the relationship come to an end. We dated seriously for a year. Then we didn't speak for about a year. Then, we missed eachother and re-connected as friends and continued to get together for lunches and some outings (we both liked to fly personal aircraft). His parents and all his many, many friends always expressed confusion about "why???" it didn't work. But, some people just are quirky and finding the right match is like finding a needle in a haystack. It may take decades, it may never happen. Unfortunately my friend died of cancer a few years ago. I sat with the family at the funeral...
Don't be like my parents and force him to have a relationship due to age.
My parents have set an age limit for my marriage, and are basically planning my life. I hate it when they set time limits to learn about myself. As it is, dad said I mature too slowly .
I have a son in a similar situation. It makes me sad, because I do believe he would prefer to be in a relationship, but the few relationships he was in did not work out well.
It's only human nature for a mother to want their child to be happy - but happiness is a do it yourself project. Everyone must take steps to secure it for themselves, regardless of the good intentions of others.
I love the bolded sentiment, so very true.
We thought we'd be planning the wedding of our 2nd son this year, but he and his girlfriend of 3 years recently split. He'll find the right girl one day, but we were pretty sure she wasn't it.
He is actually depressed a lot and he is managing it wisely with medication. I realize depression can be chemical imbalance but it can also be situational. Happiness is transient, nobody is happy all the time. Having someone you care for and who cares for you, that you can share with, contributes to feeling of well being. I wish that for him.
if he is depressed it could be the reason why he is not "finding" someone. depression is not a simple matter and some folks are depressed all their life.
Let him be. He's an adult and will find his own path in life whether it involves marriage or if he remains single. You can't wish his problems away. Cut the cord and let him live his own life.
How do you know he is not happy just the way things are? Just because YOU needed to be married to be happy does not mean he does.
That was pretty much my point.
The OP assumes he is not happy because he does not fit what apparently is her most acceptable picture of happiness, "marriage and a partner/companion."
Maybe her son is a happy serial dater.
IMHO, she writes like the mom of a 5-year-old, with WAY too much projection and concern for a mom of a 35-year-old. I imagine he tells her JUST enough to get her off his back.
He has to form his OWN version of happiness, and it may not look like hers.
It's none of your business. He's a grown up now, and makes his own decisions.
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