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Old 09-03-2014, 07:59 AM
 
4,002 posts, read 7,639,059 times
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I abhor the whole bs cliched wedding routine. I will never have one and am determined to get married in a bar at 1:35 am on a friday night. The food, the dancing, macarena, ect it's all nonsense. Go to the service at least and be gone,. DO not worry about dressing up too much. Show up in the minimum expected appropriate attire and be done with it.
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Old 09-03-2014, 08:47 AM
 
6,134 posts, read 4,920,926 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Montanama View Post
I get the social anxiety issue from personal experience. There remain ways to minimize the discomfort for yourself while still not alienating/hurting family members (like, show up at the reception, do the reception line, leave a gift, and go--as one example. Or, get to the ceremony just as it's starting, zip out afterward, and leave the gift at the reception before the party begins).

If one has debilitating social anxiety, everyone in the family already knows that and likely doesn't expect that person to attend. Still, making the extra effort in spite of one's own discomfort is a kind thing to do.

I didn't get the impression that the OP had extreme anxiety about attending, though. I could be missing some subtext.
OP never said why he didn't want to go - did not mention social anxiety, other poster said he had a case of that.

Maybe OP is one of those persons that lives in shorts and t-shirts and the whole getting dressed thing is a pain. I don't wear t-shirts, prefer tank tops, but the whole getting dressed in this heat was a pain.
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Old 09-03-2014, 09:21 AM
Status: "Things change. Can I?" (set 6 days ago)
 
Location: in the miseries
3,302 posts, read 3,555,654 times
Reputation: 3810
Quote:
Originally Posted by loose cannon View Post
I abhor the whole bs cliched wedding routine. I will never have one and am determined to get married in a bar at 1:35 am on a friday night. The food, the dancing, macarena, ect it's all nonsense. Go to the service at least and be gone,. DO not worry about dressing up too much. Show up in the minimum expected appropriate attire and be done with it.
Like this abhor dressing up, too.
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Old 09-03-2014, 09:30 AM
 
10,604 posts, read 14,085,547 times
Reputation: 17197
Quote:
Originally Posted by luvmyhoss View Post
Like this abhor dressing up, too.
That's a valid point. Not everyone has a wedding ready outfit for every type of wedding. Not everyone has the money for a showy gift, either, and may not want to cost the bride 200.00 for a place seating or two when only giving a 25.00 gift.

And we DO KNOW that people do the math.

At the moment I don't have a single "wedding" type dress in my closet as I relocated to Florida and have a DOG WALKING business so I'd be spending another hundred bucks or something to go to a wedding.

But I could always wear my self promotional tee shirts "Have I Walked Your Dog Today?"

Hey good idea; maybe I'll start crashing weddings!

Last edited by runswithscissors; 09-03-2014 at 09:40 AM..
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Old 09-03-2014, 12:03 PM
 
Location: Amongst the AZ Cactus
7,074 posts, read 4,876,481 times
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Why are people assuming the OP doesn't want to get dressed up, has anxiety, etc.?

From the original post:

"Nephew is getting married, but we don't want to go.
That's it, just don't want to attend."


Sounds pretty simple.....OP doesn't want to attend and the only thing he/she asked about is a "good reason" to give to the nephew. Why all the psychological analyzing beyond a simple question?

Me thinks the thread be drifting......
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Old 09-03-2014, 12:03 PM
 
37,613 posts, read 14,602,833 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by runswithscissors View Post
That's a valid point. Not everyone has a wedding ready outfit for every type of wedding. Not everyone has the money for a showy gift, either, and may not want to cost the bride 200.00 for a place seating or two when only giving a 25.00 gift.

And we DO KNOW that people do the math.
I agree. It may be that the invitation was extended because the bride and groom felt they had to or risk hurting your feelings. At $100/person, which at a nice wedding is fairly typical for catering and bar service, this was awfully nice of them.

Check with the sibling to be sure their feelings won't be hurt if you don't attend. Tell them you wish the nephew well in his new adventure, but doesn't look like you'll be able to attend.

No need to tell them you don't have a tux and or an evening gown, or that you don't want to buy a spendy gift. Just doesn't look like we'll be able to go, hope there's no hurt feelings.

Recent wedding we attended, the bride was very aware of who gave cheap gifts. Some gave none at all.

Send a card wishing them well, and whatever gift you feel comfortable sending.

Decline, with regrets.

Or with righteousness.

Whatever.
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Old 09-03-2014, 01:24 PM
 
10,604 posts, read 14,085,547 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stevek64 View Post
Why are people assuming the OP doesn't want to get dressed up, has anxiety, etc.?

From the original post:

"Nephew is getting married, but we don't want to go.
That's it, just don't want to attend."


Sounds pretty simple.....OP doesn't want to attend and the only thing he/she asked about is a "good reason" to give to the nephew. Why all the psychological analyzing beyond a simple question?

Me thinks the thread be drifting......
Perhaps because he said so.

Quote:
Originally Posted by luvmyhoss
Like this abhor dressing up, too
.
He also made admissions about being elderly, having the loud music bother him last time he went to one, and YES other members empathized because they have anxiety about going to that type of affair and were sticking up for him.

Also because people were shaming the OP that he should go at any cost because it's FAMILY, calling him UNCIVILIZED. Saying "You can't go through life only doing what you want to do" and he's probably the type of person who wouldn't even visit the sick and dying. Selfish. yada yada.

They even accused him of being a troll and not real. WTF.

Before thinking a thread is drifting I always try and read it. YMMV.

Do you think it's POSSIBLE that someone doesn't have the MONEY to go to a wedding? I know that YES, it is. And nobody needs to be put down because they don't have a "good enough reason" or are not willing to embarrass themselves disclosing the REAL reason, IMO.

When I was 19 my BFF asked me to be her maid of honor. A BOATLOAD of money was involved for ME. I declined. I told her the truth. It was a requirement to buy the dress, plan and execute the shower (another outfit), manage the gifts, manage the other bridesmaids, the rehearsal dinner (another outfit), ALL the relatives yada yada and I didn't even KNOW a THING about weddings at that age.

Maid of Honor: Her Duties in Detail
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Old 09-03-2014, 01:38 PM
 
Location: Long Island, NY
7,846 posts, read 10,735,911 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by runswithscissors View Post
Perhaps because he said so.



He also made admissions about being elderly, having the loud music bother him last time he went to one, and YES other members empathized because they have anxiety about going to that type of affair and were sticking up for him.

Also because people were shaming the OP that he should go at any cost because it's FAMILY, calling him UNCIVILIZED. Saying "You can't go through life only doing what you want to do" and he's probably the type of person who wouldn't even visit the sick and dying. Selfish. yada yada.

They even accused him of being a troll and not real. WTF.

Before thinking a thread is drifting I always try and read it. YMMV.

Do you think it's POSSIBLE that someone doesn't have the MONEY to go to a wedding? I know that YES, it is. And nobody needs to be put down because they don't have a "good enough reason" or are not willing to embarrass themselves disclosing the REAL reason, IMO.

When I was 19 my BFF asked me to be her maid of honor. A BOATLOAD of money was involved for ME. I declined. I told her the truth. It was a requirement to buy the dress, plan and execute the shower (another outfit), manage the gifts, manage the other bridesmaids, the rehearsal dinner (another outfit), ALL the relatives yada yada and I didn't even KNOW a THING about weddings at that age.

Maid of Honor: Her Duties in Detail
OP said he didn't care for the bride but never elaborated on my follow up questions. Now it's issues about music and clothing. Who knows why the OP doesn't want to go. Maybe it's the bride, maybe it's 100 other reasons.

Quote:
Originally Posted by luvmyhoss View Post
Actually I'm very supportive, too much, so in that I usually do what's good for others,
Not for myself.
Don't care for the bride to be either.
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Old 09-03-2014, 02:35 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,823 posts, read 17,116,304 times
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Has the OP ever answered if his/her brother or sister (parent of the groom) is still alive and if they are looking forward to having their sibling attend the wedding?
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Old 09-03-2014, 02:55 PM
 
Location: Arizona
5,891 posts, read 5,227,823 times
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Maybe you don't like the bride, or the nephew, or someone else. There are other people there. You can't tell me that in a family wedding there is not one person you would like to see.

Now they say they don't like to dress up. And the people with social anxiety have to jump in.(I think they just came up with a name for weird). People here sound like a bunch of immature fools. Probably the same social misfits that won't go to a high school reunion or talk to their neighbors.
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