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It has everything to do with your being inconsiderate. Your last line shows that.
No, it really doesn't. If I am late, I am late. I try to be on time, but it doesn't work out.
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626
Yes, it does have everything with to do with you be rude and inconsiderate.
If "something slows me down all the time" then you need to factor that into your schedule so you are not late all the time. A random, unexpected car accident on the freeway is not something that you can plan for in advance, but the fact that rush hour starts at 7 AM is something that you need to consider. Or your teenage child throwing up just before you need to drive them to school is unexpected but a toddler dawdling or missing a shoe or losing their blankie or something before you leave for the drive to the day care center is something that you should plan for everyday in your schedule.
If something, or a variety of things, slow you down all the time, yes, you are the type of rude, egocentric person that annoy and upset many other people who count on you to be on time. Sheesh!
Who said that I don't "factor that into my schedule?" I am a chronically late person and people who know me have learned to deal with it. I have long time friends who know this about me. I will always be running five minutes behind. A lot of times the people I am meeting with are running behind too? Are we both selfish and inconsiderate of one another? No, we have lives and realize that it really isn't that big of a deal.
Quote:
Originally Posted by seain dublin
It has everything to do with you being inconsiderate.
The only thing that slows you down is YOU.
And if you're really "new2colo" you better learn to be on time. The fastest way to lose new friends is to keep people waiting.
So if I am meeting with a friend and we both discover that we're running behind, we're just both being inconsiderate, selfish and disrespectful? Nope. It happens. I am in my forties and I have been late nearly my entire life. I have friends who have known this for years and their still friends of mine.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Utopian Slums
The people here who are protesting the most about others being "selfish" appear to have the most self-centered wording and content in their posts. It's too bad that we live in a "me vs. you" culture as opposed to a more tolerant one.
This thread should have been entitled, "Again, to my fellow close minded Narcissists.."
Agreed. It seems like those who seem to have such an issue with others tardiness are extremely self-centered. Basically I am supposed to do everything I can to accommodate them, as if I should be blessed to be graced by their presence and time.
Agreed. It seems like those who seem to have such an issue with others tardiness are extremely self-centered. Basically I am supposed to do everything I can to accommodate them, as if I should be blessed to be graced by their presence and time.
So basically if you agree to be at a certain place at a certain time, and the other person takes you at your word, then they are self-centered. Do I have that right? Never mind that you had the option to say, "No, that time doesn't work for me. How about thirty minutes later?" No, what you're saying is that your word is worthless, correct?
Okay.. I will admit, I can be a few minutes late when it is something "casual" and spontaneous, when there is lee-way, but I have never been like those mentioned who are incredibly late, like stories I've read here. I would never keep someone waiting so long, which is not only rude, but pointless to even have a plan.
I find it is as I'm going out the door, I will need to get rid of some stinky trash or do some last-minute thing, like needing to get a different jacket or shoes. Honestly, I am not someone who thinks "my time is more valuable" as I have seen suggested. Maybe some may be like that, but I'm just a little neurotic and I think others may be like that, too.
I need to mention this, though. I know someone who is "chronically early", which is also frustrating. If we make plans to go to a movie, she will say she is picking me up over an hour early, for a location that is ten minutes away from me. So, she would arrive extra early and call me to say she was outside, when we agreed on a CERTAIN time. After I made a point about this, she may get here, but now waits and calls me on the dot to come outside, which I do within only a few minutes. (There is a neighbor who had been given the impression that she was sitting around waiting until I explained to him what is REALLY going on).
After getting in her car and feel like I can catch my breath, we get to the movie theater and then, are the first ones there. Now, I am not one to miss previews and would never be one of those you see walking in after a movie begins.. but instead, we'll sit in an empty theater, waiting 35 minutes or more, while she plays with her tablet / phone. Typically, when I would spontaneously or otherwise go to movies with others, we were never late, but we also never sat for a long while, either. I would meet a friend for happy hour and one or the other would might arrive first, but within minutes of each other.
My feeling is that we cannot be in complete control of everything involving time. I recall a friend telling me that she was "going to the gym, then meeting a friend for lunch and had to be somewhere else after that". I suggested she was expecting things to go a certain way". She called me later to admit I was right and that the whole day had gotten messed up, beginning with an instructor at the gym and her friend thought she was not showing up (this was before cell phones). My feeling is, I wouldn't schedule too much together, expecting everything to end or begin as expected.
For instance, a Dr's appt. is not always brief, so I don't plan anything else around it. I have had Dr's appointments, where I arrived beforehand and signed in, waiting for over an hour. I will see patients freaking out and saying "I need to get back to work". (Well, don't plan an appointment in the middle of your work day). I always planned mine for later in the day. Recently, I had a Dr. who ran me through a bunch of tests and ended up there for 2 hours. At a subsequent appt., my sister suggested that I "shouldn't be there for more than a 1/2 hour" - I looked at her and laughed. That is what I don't like, is unrealistic expectations.
No, it really doesn't. If I am late, I am late. I try to be on time, but it doesn't work out.
Who said that I don't "factor that into my schedule?" I am a chronically late person and people who know me have learned to deal with it. I have long time friends who know this about me. I will always be running five minutes behind. A lot of times the people I am meeting with are running behind too? Are we both selfish and inconsiderate of one another? No, we have lives and realize that it really isn't that big of a deal.
So if I am meeting with a friend and we both discover that we're running behind, we're just both being inconsiderate, selfish and disrespectful? Nope. It happens. I am in my forties and I have been late nearly my entire life. I have friends who have known this for years and their still friends of mine.
Agreed. It seems like those who seem to have such an issue with others tardiness are extremely self-centered. Basically I am supposed to do everything I can to accommodate them, as if I should be blessed to be graced by their presence and time.
If you're a "chronically late person" and have been so all your life, then no, you haven't factored anything into your schedule.
From your own description, it's obvious that you show up when you like and make no effort to be on time. Everyone has issues now and then, but not all the time. If you made ANY kind of effort, you would be on time 99% of the time.
No, it really doesn't. If I am late, I am late. I try to be on time, but it doesn't work out.
Who said that I don't "factor that into my schedule?" I am a chronically late person and people who know me have learned to deal with it. I have long time friends who know this about me. I will always be running five minutes behind. A lot of times the people I am meeting with are running behind too? Are we both selfish and inconsiderate of one another? No, we have lives and realize that it really isn't that big of a deal.
So if I am meeting with a friend and we both discover that we're running behind, we're just both being inconsiderate, selfish and disrespectful? Nope. It happens. I am in my forties and I have been late nearly my entire life. I have friends who have known this for years and their still friends of mine.
Agreed. It seems like those who seem to have such an issue with others tardiness are extremely self-centered. Basically I am supposed to do everything I can to accommodate them, as if I should be blessed to be graced by their presence and time.
Are you late for job interviews? Flights? If not, you can get somewhere on time, you just don't want to.
I am still trying to understand how expecting someone to keep their word is self centered.
That is not a reason to dump someone...come on, if he was great in 99 ways but late all the time...you just nag him about being late.
My husband is a late guy. Over the years he has gotten a bit better, especially after I have left with out him at times. We start to eat dinner before he gets home. We don't put our lives on hold for him, and that makes him less likely to be late.
But if I was like "hey this is a great guy who I love a ton, treats me well, would make a great dad...but he is late alot...I'm gonna dump him"...well I would have missed out on a family and life with him.
I have traits he is bugged by. I am chronically disorganized. I don't do it on purpose, and I try my best. But its how my brain is. And it impacts him often. But how he deals with it is he really doesn't let me touch his stuff (keys, credit card, etc). He makes me buy my own stamps if I need one! I think its fair, I think I would be like that too if the shoe was on the other foot.
Being late doesn't make people narcissists, although narcissists are often late. Too much black and white thinking going on here.
I agree with this post - I personally wouldn't write someone out of my life because they were late all the time. But I WOULD lay out my parameters and stick to them.
And in Lilac's defense, being late isn't one of my pet peeves. I don't like it, but it's not something that drives me bonkers. Other things DO drive me bonkers, though - there are deal killers in every relationship and they differ from person to person.
Everyone has to compromise somewhat in every meaningful relationship, but life's too short to spend it with someone who doesn't respect your own personal boundaries.
My husband is a terrific guy - an absolutely terrific person. But...like you, his brain is chronically disorganized. He is constantly misplacing his keys, wallet, etc. I can't tell you how many pairs of sunglasses he's left in a store or restaurant - and we have to go back and look for them. He will walk into another room with the remote and leave it in there - and then we're looking all over the living room for the remote. He has made up the bed with his cell phone under the covers and then we couldn't find his cell phone for hours.
And please don't anyone tell me, "You don't look for these things - let him look for them by himself." I've already tried that. It's not worth it, believe me. And the reason why is because his brain is disorganized - usually I can think back to where we've been more quickly and find whatever it is we're looking for. Besides that, this sort of thing embarrasses him. It's not like he's doing it to intentionally bother me.
He also waits EVERY SINGLE TIME we get in the car for the little dinger thing to go off to tell him he's not wearing his seat belt. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. Actually, he waits till it goes of two or three times. Why? I have no idea. And if I tell him when we get in the car, "Please put on your seat belt," he says, "I always wear my seat belt - you don't have to remind me."
Yes, these things do drive me a little bit crazy. And believe me, I've tried to come up with ways to circumvent every one of them - to no avail. This is because his brain is wired completely differently from mine in these respects. Even in the smallest things - for instance, when we take the pillows off the bed in the evening. I take them off as they "go back on" and lay them in an orderly fashion on the bench at the foot of the bed. Not him. The way he does it is actually MORE DIFFICULT. He takes the big pillows from behind and lays them on the bench and then lays all the little pillows on top of them. Then to make up the bed, which I do, I have to move all the little pillows from on top of the big ones by putting them on the bed, then put the big pillows where they belong, and then replace all the little pillows in front of them. I just don't get it - but I also realize that if I tell him this, it will do absolutely NO GOOD. He leaves lights on and fans running every time he leaves a bathroom.
So - my point is, I guess I could say "Enough is enough" and try "laying out my parameters" but I would be basically making a mountain out of a bunch of little mole hills. He wouldn't be able to rewire his brain anyway. And I'd make an otherwise wonderful guy, who treats me like a queen, miserable and frustrated and perpetually embarrassed.
It boils down to what the MOTIVE is. Usually, the motives of a perpetually late person are selfish in nature. Not always but nearly always.
This is it in essence. Everything else is just rationalization to cover up massive self-centeredness.
I agree. It's not self-centered to expect someone to do what they said they would do. Trying to say it is just makes these people look even more idiotic. Should have shut up after admitting to only one fault.
Mod cut.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 11-20-2014 at 10:04 PM..
Reason: Rude; name-calling.
You know who I think likely has the least amount of friends? Those who get bent out of shape over every thing they don't like about other people and take things far too personally. My never-on-time friends, and husband, aren't lonely or losers.
You know who I think likely has the least amount of friends? Those who get bent out of shape over every thing they don't like about other people and take things far too personally. My never-on-time friends, and husband, aren't lonely or losers.
(said by someone who is always on time!)
RIGHT ON.
Different things get under different peoples' skin. For instance, I HATE mouth noises. I HATE it when I have to listen to someone else eat or chew gum. I mean, I want to go tear their face off. I can't imagine anyone who eats loudly having any sort of normal life and I wouldn't want to live three minutes with them.
But I realize that's an overreaction on my part.
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